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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 12/10/2022 19:52

I was still breastfeeding both of mine at 10 months so it wouldn't have been feasible.

I'm not sure I could bring myself to do it at those ages, but if they're safe and with a known, trusted person then it's hard to say why. They will be fine but I wouldn't be. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the trip.

Minniem2020 · 12/10/2022 19:53

Like others have said ,this is very much a personal thing. I couldn't leave mine at those ages but I don't judge anybody that would. I hadn't left my 4 year old until I went into hospital to have my youngest, thought I'd be in and out but things went pear shaped and it ended up 3 days. I missed him and older DD terribly. I am really soft though.

Illumicrateme · 12/10/2022 19:53

I'd be worried I would miss important milestones. How would you feel if you youngest took their first steps whilst you were away etc? I'm overly sentimental mind haha!

A childfree week sounds like heaven, but in reality, I don't think I could bring myself to do it. Although it is very tempting. I turn 30 next year and I'm thinking of a weekend away.

BowiesJumper · 12/10/2022 19:53

both of mine at 10 month olds would have been inconsolable without me (my 2yr old now would be too!). Peak separation anxiety age. I wouldn’t be able to do this myself, but everyone is different!

Spookywhale · 12/10/2022 19:54

Our 2 year old has regular long weekends with the grandparents and will be there for a week next year when we will be in the US for a wedding. No problem for us or him and my parents love having him.

Each to their own.

Suedomin · 12/10/2022 19:55

I wouldn't. Apart from anything else it would be a huge responsibility to ask grandparents to look after two children for a week especially if one is a baby.
Also you don't know yet how the baby will be. Some babies are better sleepers, more clingy than others etc

MrsMiddleMother · 12/10/2022 19:56

I wouldn't myself, I'd maybe suggest somewhere closer like Spain etc as with kids that young things can change so quickly, if they get poorly or fall etc you'll be pretty far away to get home asap

OperaStation · 12/10/2022 19:58

I couldn’t have left my kids at that age. It feels far too young to me. Especially to go somewhere so far away.

Could you just do a couple of nights in the UK?

Also, does your mum really want to look after a 2 year old and 10 month old for an entire week. That sounds absolutely exhausting for her. I wouldn’t inflict that on a retired person. And what if your 10 month old is up all night? Mine was waking 3+ times per night at that age.

T0rt0ise · 12/10/2022 19:59

I have a 2.5yo and a 10month old and it is exhausting. I wouldn't say either are particularly 'high needs' but by the end of the day with both of them ( I have both of them 3/7 days, the rest I'm at work and they're in nursery) I am seriously tired - even just things like managing bickering can be exhausting! My parents are similar ages 66 and 64, fit and well, and I wouldn't ask it of them.

I would personally wait until much nearer the time and then book something. Your DH can book the week's holiday now so you know he's got the time off, but then you can decide what to do from a more informed position.

Threeboysandadog · 12/10/2022 19:59

My friend left her 11 month old with her parents to go to Australia for two weeks. It was somewhere she had always wanted to visit and she won the holiday so she didn’t have the option to wait until the baby was older. She thought he would be so happy to see her back but he cried when she picked him up and was grizzly and unhappy for the next week. She felt and still feels (he is 28 now) as if their bond was broken and has always regretted leaving him. I wouldn’t have left any of mine at that age partly because of her experience.

Summerfun54321 · 12/10/2022 19:59

No I wouldn’t want to be away from my babies for that long. Plenty of years ahead when they’re both talking and they can understand that mummy and daddy are coming back and haven’t just totally abandoned them. From age 2 upwards. At 10 months your baby would experience separation anxiety.

T0rt0ise · 12/10/2022 20:00
  • and all that is ignoring the broken sleep that will be inevitable
FistFullOfRegrets · 12/10/2022 20:00

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 19:11

No sorry, the new baby is being born within a couple of weeks - they'll be the 10 month old if we go. I should have explained that better sorry

Show quote history

It was perfectly obvious!

if they see your MIL frequently & she looks after them sometimes & puts them to bed, they'll be fine!

BUT personally I'd rather take them
on holiday as a family (beach or something).Greece, Italy & Spain are great with kids. Then go to Florida when they're a bit bigger.

I love Disney and have been plenty of times pre kids, but I'd feel weird going & leaving the kids at home.

but I think it's fine IF you'd enjoy it!!

Alibro79 · 12/10/2022 20:01

I wouldn't. I wouldn't book eithet before the baby is born. Who knows how you'll feel? What if you're a couple of weeks late?

bloodywhitecat · 12/10/2022 20:01

theonlygirl · 12/10/2022 19:23

Definitely go away but maybe a long weekend somewhere closer might be better. A week is a long time for a granny to look after a 2 year old and a toddler, even with help. She'll be exhausted, even if she's fit and active

Oh do behave. I am 59 and a foster carer, until recently I had a 2 year old and a 1 year old in my care, I was nowhere near exhausted.

OP, spend time on your relationship with you DH, go away and have a lovely time (if you feel comfortable leaving the children).

awomanofthecuntytype · 12/10/2022 20:02

I wouldn't have done that. My DC at those ages would have been beside themselves to be without one or the other of us even for a day. There are years and years ahead of you when you can do this sort of thing; I don't think this is the time. I wouldn't have gone away for that length of time closer to home, either. Though I'm coming at this from a very different perspective, in that I was with my children every single day until they went to school. So other people may feel differently.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 12/10/2022 20:02

You'll get varied answers I couldn't even do a honeymoon this year and leave my 2 year old. We opted for tow nights in the uk 🤣 if you are asking this question maybe you are unsure too? Could you do a couple nights in Europe?

User839516 · 12/10/2022 20:03

Oh God no I wouldn’t! A 2yo is just the right age to know they’re being left but not really understand why and 10 months is peak separation anxiety time. Just wait until they’re a bit older, it’s not forever. Go away somewhere closer for a weekend if you want time to ‘reconnect’.

Quartz2208 · 12/10/2022 20:06

How about a weekend in Alton Towers - lots of roller coasters nice hotels. I know it isnt quite Universal (which both of mine have loved from around 2.5-3 Seuss Landing is a favourite. DS still adores Cat in the Hat) but a good weekend away for Theme Park Fanatics

The time difference and time it would take to go back would put me off

orangeisthenewpuce · 12/10/2022 20:06

Yes of course you should go if you think they'll have a lovely time with grandma. You can face time every night. They'll be fine.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/10/2022 20:07

Well, yanbu if you’ve got perfectly fit, capable parents who are happy to look after them.

Personally, I’d do something you really can’t do with children for my child free break - a relaxing adults only hotel in Europe or something. Or something more adventurous if that’s what your prefer.

I’d do universal when the kids were a bit older and could come too. But that’s just me, that’s not you.

MindatWork · 12/10/2022 20:08

It’s a personal choice but I wouldn’t - apart from any concerns about childcare, you may find the last thing you want is a week at Disneyland!

We booked a long weekend in Rome when DD was first born, for when she would have been 10 months. My DM was all set to have her and actually encouraged us to book.

Then it got to a month before and we bottled it. I didn’t want to be in a different country to her, she was in the midst of a terrible sleep regression and - more than anything else - I was so knackered the thought of a flight and a busy city break was too much to handle 😂.

We ended up booking a swanky hotel in London with the money and had a nice dinner and a lie-in the next day.

berksandbeyond · 12/10/2022 20:08

I can't imagine going to Florida, especially a theme park, and leaving my kids at home.

Just wait and all go together.

But then I've never left my 4 year old overnight so maybe I am not the person to ask!

Folklore9074 · 12/10/2022 20:09

I think its too long personally at that age, but no one can make this call for you.

twoandone · 12/10/2022 20:10

I would do a weekend or something and then do Florida in a few years with the kids. But it is your choice. It is a lot for a grandparent to take on. I know my mum finds a weekend long enough to have my two little ones.