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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 15/10/2022 18:44

My MIl was great with my kids, I would never had asked my own mother. MIL looked after my baby at 8mths old for a night and was amazing. She also looked after my kids for weddings and other things. So if you have a person you trust then leave your DC...

MarvellousMonsters · 15/10/2022 19:03

Honestly I'd not want to be away from my kids for that long, especially as I breastfed them until they were well over a year old, so at 10 months it would've been out of the question.

If you're not going away for your actual birthday does it matter when you do, and if you're going to Universal why not wait and go when the kids would enjoy it too? If you must do something that's not family centred a weekend away would still be nice, and not mean the children being away from you for so long.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2022 19:11

MarvellousMonsters · 15/10/2022 19:03

Honestly I'd not want to be away from my kids for that long, especially as I breastfed them until they were well over a year old, so at 10 months it would've been out of the question.

If you're not going away for your actual birthday does it matter when you do, and if you're going to Universal why not wait and go when the kids would enjoy it too? If you must do something that's not family centred a weekend away would still be nice, and not mean the children being away from you for so long.

@MarvellousMonsters

if you must do something not family centred…

it’s OP’s 30th ! - it’s about her not family so yeah it should be something not family centred

MarvellousMonsters · 16/10/2022 11:29

@LuckySantangelo35

"it’s OP’s 30th ! - it’s about her not family so yeah it should be something not family centred"

Most families celebrate birthdays together. My children have been involved in virtually all my birthday celebrations, to some extent. I also think there's a huge difference between a fancy meal in a grown up restaurant or a cinema/theatre evening, or a spa day, and an entire week across the other side of the world at a family resort like Universal. Maybe my concept of family/parenting is different to most peoples, but I genuinely don't understand the desire to ditch tiny children for a week at a time like this.

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/10/2022 20:04

MarvellousMonsters · 16/10/2022 11:29

@LuckySantangelo35

"it’s OP’s 30th ! - it’s about her not family so yeah it should be something not family centred"

Most families celebrate birthdays together. My children have been involved in virtually all my birthday celebrations, to some extent. I also think there's a huge difference between a fancy meal in a grown up restaurant or a cinema/theatre evening, or a spa day, and an entire week across the other side of the world at a family resort like Universal. Maybe my concept of family/parenting is different to most peoples, but I genuinely don't understand the desire to ditch tiny children for a week at a time like this.

@MarvellousMonsters

because just because you become a parent doesn’t mean you don’t wanna let your hair down and enjoy some time just you and your partner every so often

Nanof8 · 17/10/2022 05:40

Book your holiday. A week isn't that long. We left our 2 year-old with my parents for 2 1/2 weeks for our first holiday overseas. We called every couple days both regular phone calls and vuseo calls.

Summerlovin24 · 19/10/2022 06:09

If you want to go do it and have fun and relaxation time. Forget mum guilt
I would have missed my kids too much at that age and wouldn't have enjoyed a whole week but we are all didferent. Do what feels right for you not DH

NannaKaren · 25/10/2022 08:51

Go ! If care arranged with Nanna and she’s happy 👍
life is short - take the kids next time in afew years !

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 12:20

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2022 14:55

@AnnieSnap

i know plenty of Clinical PsychologiSts and none of them stopped work or dropped down to one or two days after having kids

they had worker bloody hard to get that career, no way were they gonna Chuck it all away!

Clinical Psychology is very tolerant of family issues (not surprisingly). There is no sacrificing of career by reducing hours or even taking time out. The most senior positions are often populated with parents who do this. I lead 3 district departments before retiring a few years ago and worked in many others over my career. I am basing my comments on my experience and that of my staff and colleagues.

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 12:22

There are many on this thread who are desperate to defend ignoring what we know about human attachment. That is understandable given modern pressures.

BigBagOfPasta · 25/10/2022 12:28

Stonebridge · 12/10/2022 19:08

I think it might be a recipe for wobbles from your kids as it'll be 2 big disruptions together-both parents away for a week followed by a new baby.

RTFT. She'd not going to florida for a week at 38 weeks, is she? Grin

Ponoka7 · 25/10/2022 12:42

I had my first GC from six weeks. She had a bowel condition and was hard work. I didn't want to see my DD on her knees with exhaustion. My DD did two day trips, which went to four days in Europe. A week at 2 would have been fine. The 10 month old might be a bit unsettled. I've just done ten days with the now 7 and 5 year old, it was better that my DD didn't speak to the youngest because she miss her until she was reminded. My Nan had me when my parents went on holiday and took me away. In other cultures it's usual to leave children with family and go away on holiday and for work. I'd go for a four day break Monday to Friday somewhere in Europe not child friendly.

ChefsKiss · 25/10/2022 12:44

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 12:22

There are many on this thread who are desperate to defend ignoring what we know about human attachment. That is understandable given modern pressures.

They’re ignoring it as it doesn’t make a difference

Those who understand attachment theory would have no issue with this, as the youngest is at an age where their primary attachment would have already been established, they will be left with a familiar adult for a short period of time

Ponoka7 · 25/10/2022 12:45

Also I'd build up, so overnights before the holiday.

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 12:48

ChefsKiss · 25/10/2022 12:44

They’re ignoring it as it doesn’t make a difference

Those who understand attachment theory would have no issue with this, as the youngest is at an age where their primary attachment would have already been established, they will be left with a familiar adult for a short period of time

Show quote history

A week is not a short period of time to a 10-month-old

galaxyaway12 · 25/10/2022 12:51

We left our 18 month old daughter for a week when we went away for our Honeymoon. It was absolutely fine. As long as you have faith in your MIL and are happy to leave them, I say go enjoy yourself.

ChefsKiss · 25/10/2022 12:51

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 12:48

A week is not a short period of time to a 10-month-old

Show quote history

When you can find any documented cases of attachment disruption from a 10 month old being left with a familiar adult for a week, people will listen

But you can’t, because it would need to be a very different situation for it to have impact.

You’re speaking out of your backside, considering you’ve recently retired I also wonder how recent your experience and knowledge is on this subject matter

AnnieSnap · 25/10/2022 20:46

@ChefsKiss I’m not biting. Just continue to believe what helps you sleep at night if you choose to.

MinervaVeta · 26/10/2022 14:51

If you want to go, you should go. It's a week... not a lifetime.

cherish123 · 29/10/2022 19:34

@GloriousGlory it is unusual to put a child to a childminder for 3 full days while you are off on maternity leave. Most people would want to spend it with their child.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 29/10/2022 19:52

Can't see anywhere where op has said baby will be with the child minder while she is on mat leave

I'd go somewhere closer but if the dc are happy with gps I think it's fine

One of mine spent a week with my mil at almost 7 months while I was in hospital

My dgd spent a week with her other grandparent at 13 months while her parents spent a week in and out of hospital with the new baby

Neither of them have attachment issues from having to stay with another close family member 🙄

A580Hojas · 29/10/2022 20:36

Can't believe this thread is still going ... 17 days later!! Halloween Grin

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 30/10/2022 00:09

A580Hojas · 29/10/2022 20:36

Can't believe this thread is still going ... 17 days later!! Halloween Grin

I know! I really appreciate the advice on here but the longer it's gone on it's turned into Chinese whispers haha all sorts is being added to it Confused

Just to clarify definitely not putting baby into childminders whilst on MAT leave.

OP posts:
Cw112 · 30/10/2022 00:27

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to go away at all, of course you want some lovely time with your other half. Everyone is different and you need to do what's right for you and your family but I will say that is probably an expensive holiday to be committed to before your second little one is here. Just because you never know quite how you'll feel and how they'll get on, I'd be a bit worried about tying myself into something so big and expensive incase I ended up dreading it when it actually came around? You want to leave yourself as much flexibility as possible so you can parent the way you feel is right at the time and go with your gut. I agree with others who've suggested maybe doing something lovely closer by. What about doing something more adult together like a spa weekend that you couldn't do with the kids there (or whatever you both really enjoy) and save for a family florida trip when they're a little bigger and then they can experience it with you?

PinkSyCo · 30/10/2022 01:53

I know I will get pounced on for saying this but I personally think it’s cruel to leave such young kids for so long. Wait until they are older, so that they can come with you or at least understand that you have not abandoned them and will be coming home.