Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
user1471267414 · 15/10/2022 06:58

Go and enjoy yourself. You’ll soon be back before you know it and your children will be fine. If I was offered a break like that I would snap it up parenting is hard work and no shame in having some time away. I can’t stand the “martyrs” that want to make you feel differently

Eggsandavocado · 15/10/2022 07:05

I absolutely would, my daughter from a young baby stayed overnight with both sets of grandparents at a year old she went on holiday for a week with my parents, she’s now a very independent well adjusted teen who has never had separation issues !

mummalog · 15/10/2022 07:09

Nope I'd definitely go! I've been on a few solo holidays and left kids at home, we all need a break!

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:23

I'm puzzled about why the OP says her children currently go to a childminder 3 times a week, when she currently has one child and is expecting her second.

GloriousGlory · 15/10/2022 07:27

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:23

I'm puzzled about why the OP says her children currently go to a childminder 3 times a week, when she currently has one child and is expecting her second.

DC will be at the childminders for three full days 8-5

I'm puzzled about why you find that statement confusing? The OP has already got a plan in place for the baby due. It seems sensible if she's returning to work. She had a childminder for DC1, so has said can you take Dc2 when the time comes.

Not puzzling at all really.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:34

OK.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:36

That's not what she says though. She quite clearly says at the moment her children currently go to childminders.

GloriousGlory · 15/10/2022 07:40

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:36

That's not what she says though. She quite clearly says at the moment her children currently go to childminders.

Maybe she takes the child out of her womb to attend then? Pops it back in every day?

What's your actual point?

You think OP is lying?

Sartre · 15/10/2022 07:40

Personally wouldn’t for a week and wouldn’t go as far afield. Maybe a long weekend in Europe so you can get back fairly quickly should an emergency arise.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 15/10/2022 07:41

Maybe that's what she does. I hadn't thought of that. Silly me.

GreyGoose1980 · 15/10/2022 08:04

I personally wouldn’t want to leave DD at that age for a week but lots of people would be fine with it and you are not being unreasonable.

WhiteCatmas · 15/10/2022 08:06

You have a variable that you don’t much about yet. The 10 month old who isn’t out yet.
You don’t what kind of baby they’ll be and how easy going they’ll be.
For that reason I’d wait. Book when you have your baby and know more about them.

Sallyingon · 15/10/2022 08:18

I think it's too far and too long. For me a long weekend would be better at the kid's ages. See how it goes

piesforever · 15/10/2022 09:05

I would go for a night away, possibly a weekend in the UK, definitely not Florida! Florida is nice for families and you would miss them, what if they are sick etc.

Alice786 · 15/10/2022 09:35

I think it really depends on the people you're leaving them with. If they are close with them and have looked altered them previously and are happy to do it. For example worst case scenario if the children got sick do you feel confident they could handel it as you would want them to etc. If the answer is yes then I think it's fine to go. If you're not sure then leave it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2022 10:17

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 17:24

Sarcasm doesn’t change the situation. If you want children, why are you “hardly ever with them” (your words) and despite that are looking to choose to go away for a week, leaving them when they are so young? This idea that parents shouldn’t be making some compromises (including perhaps in working hours) and putting some of their adult fun on the back burner for a few years is out if step with the needs of their children. Why have them? Why not choose to wait until you have got your adult fun stuff out of your system so that you can put them first whilst they are very young? These are genuine questions. Sarcastic comments don’t address the issue, but your views have been validated by some others here, so you won’t listen to experts or parents with much more experience.

Show quote history

@AnnieSnap

people don’t have some kind of finite desire to have fun you know!

it’s like saying oh u have had 35 years of weekends , so u don’t need to have a rest at end of weekend cos you’ve had 35 years of it and got that out of your system

u don’t ever stop wanting to have fun even when u become a parent and why should u?! U can become a parent and still have a life of your own, probs makes us better parents actually

Theroad · 15/10/2022 10:22

I have done exactly this at the same ages - only difference is we went to California, not Florida. If your MIL is very good with the DC and they are completely happy in her company I would absolutely recommend you go for it.

many will say they could "never ever" leave their DC blah blah, but I expect some simply never had the opportunity to do so or don't have someone they completely trust to look after their DC.

My mum was like another parent to my children at that age. She was very involved in their lives and was brilliant with them so there was no question I was going to go!

They had a great time with zero issues. DH and I had a ball and it was wonderful to have that carefree couple time again after a couple of years of sleepless nights and nappies. It's four years on now and I still think wistfully of that trip - as it was the last time we had the opportunity and is likely the only time we'll have again until the DC are a bit older as my mum is back at work full time now. I certainly never felt guilty about it.

Go for it!

menopausalbloat · 15/10/2022 12:57

I went to Orlando 25 yrs ago without my two yr old. I cried after a few days there and wanted to go home! I vowed never to do that again. I've been back a few times since and absolutely loved it.

1HappyTraveller · 15/10/2022 13:38

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

They will each be 2 yrs and 10 months respectively , I doubt it really matters at that age.

1HappyTraveller · 15/10/2022 13:51

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 17:57

Well, I am actually an expert on human behaviour and emotional health, including attachment. In my over 30 years working in Clinical Psychology, I have yet to know a Clinical Psychologist who didn’t share some at home parenting with their partner. Many Psychologists’ partners are also Psychologists. Both parties in those couples in my departments, have dropped one or two days a week during the years their children were infants. This meant their child/children spent only one or two days a week in childcare. Interesting that the experts in child/human development make this choice isn’t it?

Before posters jump to say, not every family can afford the choice to do this. That is a separate subject and leaving your infants for a full week to have an adult only jolly is a choice!

Show quote history

Please could you direct us all to the peer reviewed source of information which suggests that by leaving your children with family for a single week it leads to attachment issues?

Surely a happy parent is better for a child than one who is not, and if that means the OP having a week’s holiday minus the children (who will be well cared for by family members with whom they have bonded with) then what is the problem?

1HappyTraveller · 15/10/2022 14:06

@PrueHalliwell

It’s difficult to say atm as every child is different. Whilst you may have been happy to leave your 10 mo old when they were 10 mo, you don’t know the position you will be when the new arrival is 10 mo. For example… if you are BF will they be okay to not have the boob for a period of time? Will you? Will the relationship between you and your younger baby mean that you don’t want to leave them or they can’t be left for whatever reason? Will they be as settled with their GPs as the eldest? The GPs are yet to have both together, will they be able to cope? Will the relationship between you and your eldest be different because of the new arrival… could they be more clingy and not want to leave you for long periods?

Only you can answer these sorts of questions and know what is best for you and your family.

Personal opinion - if I felt comfortable enough to go away then I would go. But I would need to think about all of the factors mentioned above and now is too early to be able to say. I’m not sure I’d be happy travelling long haul though at that age (I’m assuming you are in the UK travelling to the states and therefore you are travelling long haul) because of the logistics of getting home quickly if needed. If finances allow I would start with a UK night away… then a UK weekend away… then a European weekend break away… then a European week away… and then look at booking long haul only if I felt comfortable and definitely closer to the time. Also long haul flights for a week and doing lots of big kid stuff is tiring, I predict that you will definitely need some chill out time so although the idea is lovely, it may not be what you actually need for yourself closer to the time.

All comments suggesting taking the children with you - it’s nice but logistically much harder. Babies don’t need or remember holidays at this age so I wouldn’t worry about that. I also wouldn’t bother taking children to Florida/Disney etc when they are younger, it’s definitely appreciated much more when they are older and able to enjoy the resort more.

Either way OP it sounds like you need a little break and some time away would be nice. I hope you manage to do some sort of babymoon before your new arrival. I hope you have a safe delivery and smooth recovery. Also Happy 30th Birthday.

Theroad · 15/10/2022 14:24

So many martyrs! I certainly wouldn't be taking advice from people who cried/were big balls of stress leaving their 8/10/14 year olds! That is not a stable mind and I'm sure the DC were glad for a breather from all that angst...

And as for the "clinical psychologist" who studied some ever changing pseudoscience thirty years ago and now seems to think a week away with loving grandparents gives children attachment disorders... well christ I hope she's not as much of an arsehole to her clients!

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2022 14:55

@AnnieSnap

i know plenty of Clinical PsychologiSts and none of them stopped work or dropped down to one or two days after having kids

they had worker bloody hard to get that career, no way were they gonna Chuck it all away!

BexieIDisSherlocked · 15/10/2022 16:03

I’d love to go anywhere for even one night 🤣 My son as a toddler didn’t want to stay with his grandparents for the night. The only thing I’d feel guilty about is the destination. That’s a once in a lifetime trip for us, and my two are 16 and 12, so I’d feel bad not taking them. I didn’t go with my family until I was 20. But you’re planning on going the following year, so go and have fun! Or try somewhere different. The Efteling. Another on my bucket list!

Whitepouringglue · 15/10/2022 18:41

There's a funny and shocking story doing the rounds on tictok by a woman who took her neighbor's child away for a week through a misunderstanding. Mum thought it was an overnight at her request. Babysitter thought she was being given freedom to take him on holiday the following day. She didn't have a mobile back then and didn't know her neighbor's number. Fortunately she sent postcards from the hotel and they had a lovely week in London.