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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 13/10/2022 21:38

Whitepouringglue · 13/10/2022 21:37

I think it would be worth it if mental health was struggling terribly or to save a marriage.

That's an element (which is part of why I think MIL offered) but I didn't want to drip feed and didn't think it was important to the thread.

OP posts:
Doggate1 · 13/10/2022 22:10

Have personally done this every year since mine were born . DS1 now 19, DS2 now 14 and DS 3 now 12. Always left them for 2/3 weeks every year from when they were 7 mths old.
we had the best time ever, those looking after them had the best time (memories etc.)
we have left with grandparents , friends, in summer camps , residentials etc.
do what is right for you but can highly recommend.

PearlyShamps · 13/10/2022 22:26

My husband used to work for a firm who rewarded anyone in their firm who reached their targets, with a holiday. We would go en masse for a week each May. The first one was when our DS was 2 months old, and every May for the next 5 years. The Grandparents would look after him (and eventually his little sister too)... and it did them no harm at all. They learnt how to be apart from us, and we never had problems with them suffering from any kind of separation anxiety.

Doggate1 · 13/10/2022 22:59

Have personally done this every year since mine were born . DS1 now 19, DS2 now 14 and DS 3 now 12. Always left them for 2/3 weeks every year from when they were 7 mths old.
we had the best time ever, those looking after them had the best time (memories etc.)
we have left with grandparents , friends, in summer camps , residentials etc.
do what is right for you but can highly recommend.

PoundOfNesh · 13/10/2022 23:36

BajaBaja · 13/10/2022 21:36

@PoundOfNesh It really depends on a type of life one has had. I guess the correct way of saying this is that my mum is in good health but burnt out. If that makes sense. Only recently retired from working as a nurse her whole life, and looking after my dad who is an invalid for the past 5 yrs, since he had a stroke. Not in this county also. So yes, she couldn’t handle it.

Good thing the OPs MIL can handle it then isn’t it

SingleMamaG · 14/10/2022 00:11

I personally wouldn’t be able to leave my child and go that far away in case something happens.
I would however be happy to go somewhere closer so I know I could rush to him if needed.

Hmm1234 · 14/10/2022 00:51

You should definitely wait until after the new baby is born to plan a big trip like this

Callaird · 14/10/2022 00:59

I’m a nanny and many of my employers went on holidays without their children. Some for a long weekend, some for a week or two, some for 3 weeks and one family for a month to New Zealand. The children knew and loved me and we did a lot of fun things. Children are fickle and love the ones they are with!

I had my niece for 10 days when she was around 6 months while her parents went on holiday, I didn’t see her often as I lived a distance away but she knew me. I live closer now and she sleeps over at least once a week.

CelestiaNoctis · 14/10/2022 01:02

Absolutely go and have the best time. Your kids will love spending time with grandma and she'll take great care of them. And you'll come back feeling reconnected and refreshed. You guys are people too and deserve a break and to remember who you are besides being mum and dad.

WadiShab · 14/10/2022 02:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

100% THIS

Thistlelass · 14/10/2022 02:59

Oh I have to say I think you are being totally selfish and unreasonable. Your children are so young and a week is a long time for grandparents to hold the fort. I watched 2 of my grandchildren for 4 nights while a 40th birthday trip to NY was undertaken 4 years ago. My 4 year old granddaughter broke her heart when mummy and Daddy phoned. She was late for nursery each morning too. Her little brother is less than 2 years younger. I found it a total nightmare. I think you need to wait until you can take your kids with you.

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/10/2022 04:03

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/10/2022 18:38

At least when mummy and daddy come back from holiday, they bring lovely toys - rather than a screaming newborn the toddler has to get used to sharing mummy and daddy with Smile

Show quote history

Sorry but anyone who truly thinks a 2 year old understands the difference between 'Mummy is having a baby' and 'mummy has gone on holiday' is kidding themselves.

Sure they may parrot back to you that they're getting a brother or sister and they're excited, particularly if you've spent 9 months telling them they should be excited, they'll tell you they love their baby brother or sister too.. because you've told them they do.

They don't understand or mean it though.

You could do exactly the same about a trip abroad and tell them they're getting new toys - they'd be just as excited (I know I was each time my dad went skiing, I'd get a stuffed toy and a chocolate bar, which on reflection was considerably better than the baby sister I got when I was 18 months old!), particularly if you spent the better part of 9 months winding them up about it!

Some kids are easy going, have strong attachments to grandparents or other caregivers, are confident and out going at a young age and will accept the absence of parents for a week or two with ease (I was such a child, I absolutely accepted a whole range of other adults as parent substitutes without a worry with only minor sniffles at the departure of a parent, and that was about seeing the departure, not about the duration of absence!)..

Other children may not be so happy, either they're not wired that way or more likely they haven't spent lots of time forming attachments with other adults, are not well socialised and habituated to places other than 'home' and thus will be stressed.

I am sure the OP knows the difference and if her children demonstrate they won't cope, she won't go.

GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 05:53

Whitepouringglue · 13/10/2022 21:37

I think it would be worth it if mental health was struggling terribly or to save a marriage.

Isn't prevention better than cure? Why wait until you've got issues, why not build in a prevention before?

GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 06:25

Thistlelass · 14/10/2022 02:59

Oh I have to say I think you are being totally selfish and unreasonable. Your children are so young and a week is a long time for grandparents to hold the fort. I watched 2 of my grandchildren for 4 nights while a 40th birthday trip to NY was undertaken 4 years ago. My 4 year old granddaughter broke her heart when mummy and Daddy phoned. She was late for nursery each morning too. Her little brother is less than 2 years younger. I found it a total nightmare. I think you need to wait until you can take your kids with you.

Why was she late for nursery every day?

londonrach · 14/10/2022 06:30

Too far and too long for children that young. I understand a couple of nights in UK or maybe north Europe but USA is a long way away. However your choice.

jamdonut · 14/10/2022 06:51

If you’re children are well used to your parents, then I really don’t think a week will be too much. Had I had the opportunity when mine were little I would have done it. It’s not like your parents are old and decrepit! That would be different.
for those saying what if they were taken ill? Well, that could happen to you and your parents may need to step in.
when I was a baby , my mother was in hospital for several months after I was born and my grandparents pretty much looked after me full time while my dad continued to work and look after my mum. I don’t think it did me any harm…? We are talking about 58 years ago though, and people didn’t seem to worry about things like this- it was taken for granted family would help.

life is full of “what if”’s - you weigh them up for you and your circumstances.

I personally don’t see a problem - you know and presumably trust your parents - so do it.

lovelilies · 14/10/2022 06:51

Surely you're too pregnant to fly at 38 weeks ?

lovelilies · 14/10/2022 06:51

Sorry re read oo

Toomuch2019 · 14/10/2022 07:01

Haven’t RTFT apologies but I did similar when kids are a similar age.
Kids seemed very happy with grandparents! They are older now and very well adjusted.
Transformative for our mental health and marriage.
If you want to do it and you’re happy with your mum having them go for it and enjoy.

Sceptre86 · 14/10/2022 07:24

I wouldn't. I haven't left any of my 3 for a week, especially that young. I haven't wanted to. That however is how I've felt. By 10 months your baby will be eating solids most likely and have some kind of routine re naps, it won't be as hardwork for your mil as having a much younger baby to take care of. Do what you wish to, if your mil is happy and you want to go then go.

Pish75 · 14/10/2022 07:37

Is it an option for you all to go, grandparents included! You can have adult days in the parks and leave kids in the hotel/villa with grandparents and also have family days out too.

Katekeeprunning · 14/10/2022 08:01

Not something I would do

BajaBaja · 14/10/2022 09:07

@PoundOfNesh the OP asked for opinions, and that’s exactly what I did, gave my perspective. And I didn’t ask for your opinion on my perspective so please jog on with your uncalled for attitude

ittakes2 · 14/10/2022 09:09

I don't think its an issue except you are planning now before the baby is born. You need to check its a settled happy baby before you consider this.

ToooMuchToDo · 14/10/2022 09:13

It's up to you OP!! If you are happy with it, do it!

That said, there is no way on Earth anyone could have separated me from my babies when they were newborn!! I wouldn't have lasted 24 hours without having to escape back to see them!!

My eldest is 10yrs old now and this summer was the first time I've been away from him for more than one night as he went on a sports trip for 5 days. I missed him like crazy, but he had a blast!!

I'm not sure a little baby will be ok without its main caregivers when so young(?) but if your mil will be involved in their care a lot from birth, it maybe will be fine.