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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 14/10/2022 09:26

Only read the first 5 pages, so sorry if this has been said subsequently…..

10 months time puts you at June/July next year. That’s in hurricane season for Florida. Personally, I wouldn’t book an expensive trip like that to fall in the most dangerous time I could go - either your trip could be ruined because of a hurricane, or you could get caught up in one! Admittedly it’s early in the season, if you are looking at June, but it’s still a risk.

Another thing to consider is do you ever want to take your children there too? If so, maybe put the money aside instead to go when they’re older, because a change in financial circumstances could mean you’re never able to afford it again, and you might regret that.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to leave my kids for that long, especially that young and travelling so far away. You mention you work full-time so you hardly see them anyway - doesn’t that make you want to go even less? I hated the fact I saw so little of my children when they were toddlers/pre-school age due to working.

Other things to consider, if you breastfeed, you may still be breastfeeding at 10 months; the baby may still be waking multiple times a night (my first was sleeping through at 6 months - my second was over 3 when he finally slept through); going from one to two babies is a lot more than double the work, so maybe wait until you have the baby here to see if your in-laws are still ok with the idea; you say the in-laws are early 60’s but fit & healthy - my extremely fit and healthy Grandad had a massive heart attack just into his 60’s with no warning at all so don’t assume that fit & healthy now means the same will be true in 10 months time; either child might experience separation anxiety - or both might - and you’d feel awful leaving them; the time difference will make it tricky to call and speak to them, and you calling might upset them so you may have to go the whole time without calling them; you might develop PND and just not want to go on holiday, or leave your children behind; if your in-laws struggle the whole time they may never offer to have the kids again, even for one night; if there’s an emergency, could you get home in time?

Could you look at alternatives? Closer locations and maybe a shorter break? Or, assuming you live in the UK, what about a UK theme park tour? That way you could be home the same day if something happened, but still get your thrills! Disneyland Paris was suggested a few times upthread too which is close enough to get home from if needed.

Finally, ask yourself this - when your kids are grown up, will you look back on their childhood and regret not taking more holidays without them, or will you regret not having more time with them whilst they were little more?

Good luck for the birth, and for your decision!

FrogLion · 14/10/2022 10:41

I went to New York for a long weekend when my DS was 10months. He was with his dad. But I had no reservations at all. Happy mum, happy kids!

JudgeJ · 14/10/2022 10:47

babysharksb1tch · 12/10/2022 19:14

I have a three year old and 11 month old. If someone offered to look after my kids so I could go away for a week you wouldn't see me for dust.

We had our 3 grandchildren for almost a week when their parents went away without problems. They're hardly being left 'alone' if they're with loving grandparents!

AntsGoMarchingOneByOne · 14/10/2022 10:50

I personally wouldn't. Can't imagine leaving a 10 months old for a week. And a 2 year old is a bit young for that too.
I think it'll be traumatic for the kids if both of their parents just disappear for a week like that. They won't be able to understand what happened.

PoppyFleur · 14/10/2022 10:55

In my experience it was so much easier to leave a toddler than a 6 year old.

You are leaving your children with a set of loving grandparents who will dote on them. Plus you have back up family nearby in case of emergency.

Go and have an amazing time.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 11:32

BajaBaja · 14/10/2022 09:07

@PoundOfNesh the OP asked for opinions, and that’s exactly what I did, gave my perspective. And I didn’t ask for your opinion on my perspective so please jog on with your uncalled for attitude

she asked for opinions on her situation, not your opinion on your own situation and what you’d do.

The levels of ignorance on here are baffling

BajaBaja · 14/10/2022 11:59

@PoundOfNesh There are other people here doing the same as me, so why are you targeting me specifically? It’s a little bully like, don’t you think!
Please keep your opinion to yourself as I did not ask for one.

LoisLane66 · 14/10/2022 12:41

A bit selfish if you ask me. Mum and dad away for a week (which might seem longer for a toddler) plus passed over to childminders in that week too. That's not what parenting is about, not in my book anyway. You might feel like big kids but you're adults with two very young children. Grow up. Take them when they're old enough to appreciate it and enjoy it together.

Lulooo · 14/10/2022 12:49

I haven’t read this whole thread but skimmed through a few pages and all OP’s posts.

Go. Have fun. Your babies will be fine without you for a few days. Parenting doesn’t have to mean you become a martyr to them 24/7. It will mean a bit of adjusting for the baby before you go and granny also getting used to it by maybe coming to stay for a few days before you go but they’ll be fine after that.

I’m a granny to two lovely GC both just over one years old. I’d be more than happy to look after both of them whilst both my sons and their wives enjoyed a well earned break. I didn’t get that as a mum growing up so I’d be more than happy to offer it to my children. Yes, I can image it’s be a bit hard but that’s what families do for each other.

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 12:51

LoisLane66 · 14/10/2022 12:41

A bit selfish if you ask me. Mum and dad away for a week (which might seem longer for a toddler) plus passed over to childminders in that week too. That's not what parenting is about, not in my book anyway. You might feel like big kids but you're adults with two very young children. Grow up. Take them when they're old enough to appreciate it and enjoy it together.

There's no right or wrong way of parenting as demonstrated in this thread.

Parents are still people and a happy parent is more likely to be a good parent, I know my toddler will be fine, it's the baby I obviously need to wait and see what happens.

I promise if I go on a week away that doesn't mean we will never go on holiday with them, they're literally getting one the year after and as they get older the destinations will become more suitable for them and if they want to go to Disney then we can.

Grow up? Ha, okay because working 12 hours a day, paying bills, making tea, doing bath and bed time, ensuring my children have everything they could ever want or need and everything else on top isn't grown up because I might potentially want a break for a week?

Honestly by some of these comments you'd genuinely think I abused my children.

OP posts:
Buttonjugs · 14/10/2022 13:21

I went to Florida with my BF leaving my 14 year old son (autistic) with his dad. All I could think about was how many miles away from him I was and I was miserable.

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 13:22

FrogLion · 14/10/2022 10:41

I went to New York for a long weekend when my DS was 10months. He was with his dad. But I had no reservations at all. Happy mum, happy kids!

But wasn’t his dad one of his primary care givers? Also, you didn’t go for a week. I realise I will be shot down in flames for this, but given the OP says she “hardly sees them (sic) anyway” due to her work and is planning to leave her toddler and young baby, who isn’t even born yet, for a weeks holiday, I wonder if she was/is ready to have children 🤷‍♀️

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:26

PP you're right, I'll give social services a call later this afternoon and see if I can give them back or to a more deserving mother.

OR I'll quit my job and spend every single second with them, I mean they'll probably be hungry and cold and eventually homeless but who cares right? As long as I'm with them 24/7 then their attachment won't be broken and they'll be really glad I didn't leave them for a week.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 14/10/2022 13:27

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:26

PP you're right, I'll give social services a call later this afternoon and see if I can give them back or to a more deserving mother.

OR I'll quit my job and spend every single second with them, I mean they'll probably be hungry and cold and eventually homeless but who cares right? As long as I'm with them 24/7 then their attachment won't be broken and they'll be really glad I didn't leave them for a week.

You asked for opinions, in AIBU, you can't expect everyone will agree with you. If you didn't think there was an issue, you wouldn't have asked.

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:30

@Tillow4ever no the previous poster was being exceptionally horrible - I've taken all other comments on the chin because everyone has different options but unfortunately I have to work which means I don't see my children as much as I want to but it doesn't mean I wasn't "ready" for them or that I'm less than a mother than anyone else for thinking about having a break away after a really rubbish time.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 14/10/2022 13:31

Then just ignore anyone being particularly goady - you always get them in this forum - because they're looking to get a rise from you, and taking glee in you biting!

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:33

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:30

@Tillow4ever no the previous poster was being exceptionally horrible - I've taken all other comments on the chin because everyone has different options but unfortunately I have to work which means I don't see my children as much as I want to but it doesn't mean I wasn't "ready" for them or that I'm less than a mother than anyone else for thinking about having a break away after a really rubbish time.

Posted too soon -

No I don't actually think there's an issue with it but with the initial excitement of a potential break I knew there was things I wasn't thinking about at that time which is why I asked.

I don't think the PP who goes on holiday every year without her kids is a bad mum, I don't think the PP who never leaves their kids side is a bad mum - everyone's different and all children are raised differently, there's no right or wrong answer.

OP posts:
threatmatrix · 14/10/2022 15:35

Bit judgy? Maybe your childrens grandparents are not up to the job but mine were and so probably are hers.

Mamai90 · 14/10/2022 15:41

Personally I couldn't but I wouldn't judge you for it and I don't think you should feel guilty if you go.

CambsAlways · 14/10/2022 15:50

Nope I’d never do it!

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 17:24

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 13:26

PP you're right, I'll give social services a call later this afternoon and see if I can give them back or to a more deserving mother.

OR I'll quit my job and spend every single second with them, I mean they'll probably be hungry and cold and eventually homeless but who cares right? As long as I'm with them 24/7 then their attachment won't be broken and they'll be really glad I didn't leave them for a week.

Sarcasm doesn’t change the situation. If you want children, why are you “hardly ever with them” (your words) and despite that are looking to choose to go away for a week, leaving them when they are so young? This idea that parents shouldn’t be making some compromises (including perhaps in working hours) and putting some of their adult fun on the back burner for a few years is out if step with the needs of their children. Why have them? Why not choose to wait until you have got your adult fun stuff out of your system so that you can put them first whilst they are very young? These are genuine questions. Sarcastic comments don’t address the issue, but your views have been validated by some others here, so you won’t listen to experts or parents with much more experience.

Bugbabe1970 · 14/10/2022 17:36

OP your kids will be fine...a week away from them won't damage any secure attachments in any way as they will be cared for by someone they will already have a bind with. People are getting hysterical over this!

But I would consider that it is a very long way away if something should happen and looking after a toddler her and there is a lot different from looking after 2 small children for a week for your MIL

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 17:41

@AnnieSnap I didn't realise you were an expert. When I'm not working I spend every moment I can with them well him and do everything I can to be present in his life as much as I physically can be and I haven't even decided whether to go on a holiday yet but I think having one week away from your children in all the time they are alive doesn't make you a bad parent, I would be leaving them with loving family members who they see every week, when I mentioned him not really seeing me during the week is because I work long hours and I was wondering if he's used to it would a week affect him as much as people were suggesting?

My job is demanding and stressful, life has been awful for the past 2 years and yes the thought of a break was nice but no decision was made as I knew they were things to consider.

You might be an expert on your life and children but you're certainly not on mine.

OP posts:
Bugbabe1970 · 14/10/2022 17:43

BadNomad · 12/10/2022 22:22

Attachment disorders aren't caused by one-off events ffs. If that was the case, then every child whose parents ever went on a business trip would be traumatised for life. Parents just like to shame other parents when they do something nice for themselves.

This!
My son is in the navy and is away for a few months at a time. He has a wonderful relationship with son!

Attachment disorder is not caused by parents going on holiday once in a while 🙄

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 17:57

PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 17:41

@AnnieSnap I didn't realise you were an expert. When I'm not working I spend every moment I can with them well him and do everything I can to be present in his life as much as I physically can be and I haven't even decided whether to go on a holiday yet but I think having one week away from your children in all the time they are alive doesn't make you a bad parent, I would be leaving them with loving family members who they see every week, when I mentioned him not really seeing me during the week is because I work long hours and I was wondering if he's used to it would a week affect him as much as people were suggesting?

My job is demanding and stressful, life has been awful for the past 2 years and yes the thought of a break was nice but no decision was made as I knew they were things to consider.

You might be an expert on your life and children but you're certainly not on mine.

Well, I am actually an expert on human behaviour and emotional health, including attachment. In my over 30 years working in Clinical Psychology, I have yet to know a Clinical Psychologist who didn’t share some at home parenting with their partner. Many Psychologists’ partners are also Psychologists. Both parties in those couples in my departments, have dropped one or two days a week during the years their children were infants. This meant their child/children spent only one or two days a week in childcare. Interesting that the experts in child/human development make this choice isn’t it?

Before posters jump to say, not every family can afford the choice to do this. That is a separate subject and leaving your infants for a full week to have an adult only jolly is a choice!