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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 17:58

@AnnieSnap your views are ridiculous, you're one of these mothers that becomes a martyr.

It's not good for child, parent or marriage.

What makes you an expert, because being a parent doesn't.

I'm a parent with a different view, so I'm an expert?

GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 18:00

@AnnieSnap you're the most unprofessional "professional" ever!

Blossomtoes · 14/10/2022 18:01

I’m a very bad mother @PrueHalliwell. I left my pfb with my mum for a long weekend when he was five months old. A very good time was had by all. Book your holiday and have a wonderful time.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 18:02

BajaBaja · 14/10/2022 11:59

@PoundOfNesh There are other people here doing the same as me, so why are you targeting me specifically? It’s a little bully like, don’t you think!
Please keep your opinion to yourself as I did not ask for one.

And they’re equally as silly.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 18:04

AnnieSnap · 14/10/2022 17:24

Sarcasm doesn’t change the situation. If you want children, why are you “hardly ever with them” (your words) and despite that are looking to choose to go away for a week, leaving them when they are so young? This idea that parents shouldn’t be making some compromises (including perhaps in working hours) and putting some of their adult fun on the back burner for a few years is out if step with the needs of their children. Why have them? Why not choose to wait until you have got your adult fun stuff out of your system so that you can put them first whilst they are very young? These are genuine questions. Sarcastic comments don’t address the issue, but your views have been validated by some others here, so you won’t listen to experts or parents with much more experience.

Show quote history

Which experts have posted on this thread? As there is not one poster who has dragged the OP for this plan, citing attachment theory that is correct in their posts.

GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 18:06

, I am actually an expert on human behaviour and emotional health, including attachment. In my over 30 years working in Clinical Psychology, I have yet to know a Clinical Psychologist who didn’t share some at home parenting with their partner. Many Psychologists’ partners are also Psychologists. Both parties in those couples in my departments, have dropped one or two days a week during the years their children were infants. This meant their child/children spent only one or two days a week in childcare. Interesting that the experts in child/human development make this choice isn’t it?

Which of course is nothing to do with finances!

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 14/10/2022 18:07

@AnnieSnap Okay well I appreciate your expertise on this matter and thank you for sharing, it's something I will consider in future if I can drop my hours - hopefully the strike gives us fair pay but at the moment my children currently go to childminders 3 times a week so not far off the two your colleagues choose, the other days are spent with loving family members including ourselves.

In psychology they are many opposing views but since you're a clinical psychologist who is an expert in human and emotional behaviour do you only consider children or are adults mental health and well-being important too?

I do suppose mental health has changed quite a bit in the last 30 years because you seem to think it's okay to tear people down on the internet.

OP posts:
GloriousGlory · 14/10/2022 18:10

I do suppose mental health has changed quite a bit in the last 30 years because you seem to think it's okay to tear people down on the internet.

Exactly @AnnieSnap you should be totally ashamed as a "professional" you're a total disgrace!

BajaBaja · 14/10/2022 18:38

@PoundOfNesh because you’re so perfect!!!

Wheredoallthepensgo · 14/10/2022 18:45

Tessabelle74 · 13/10/2022 18:06

Not unreasonable to leave the kids but I'd be wary of travelling so far to such an expensive healthcare destination at 38 weeks pregnant

Oh fgs why can't people read! She is 38 weeks pregnant now but not going until next year when the baby will be 10 months.

And no airline or midwife would let you fly at 38 weeks anyway.

Tessabelle74 · 14/10/2022 18:48

@Wheredoallthepensgo you're going to be busy tagging everyone that missed that in the OP or are you just picking me out because I'm special?

Wheredoallthepensgo · 14/10/2022 19:59

I have tagged others in exactly the same way.

Wheredoallthepensgo · 14/10/2022 20:00

I can't comment on how "special" you are but I'll take your word for it.

threatmatrix · 14/10/2022 20:32

Ignore all the nasties I’m sure they are just jealous. I always had a little holiday without my kids. They were well looked after and thought it was them having the holiday. I also worked a lot. My ‘kids’ are now 26 and 34 both have their own businesses both see me and their dad all the time and are confident and well adjusted. Go ahead have your break, relax, have fun. Ignore anals.

definitelynotlistening · 14/10/2022 20:34

None of mine were sleeping through the night at that age. I was getting up.to breastfeed so I couldn't have contemplated it. But when they were a bit older I was able to leave them. From age 4 ish. I just didn't want to before then, unless I had to for work and they had their dad. I did that from age 2 ish.

cadburyegg · 14/10/2022 20:36

I personally think a week is a long time to be away from a parent at that age. I would not leave mine for that long and they are 4 and 7. Also i think it would be unfair on my mum - their grandma - to have them for that long.

Mischance · 14/10/2022 20:38

I would not do it. Absolutely not. They are too young for you both to be away for so long.

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

abblie · 14/10/2022 21:52

I saw my grandparents more than I saw my parents when I was a baby through to secondary school. Dad worked away in a foreign country saw him 1 week every couple of months mum worked full time I'm 42 and quite happy no separation trauma in fact very independent so I doubt one week away would have your children in counselling sessions getting treated for ptsd 🤣🙄

LetsPlayShadowlands · 14/10/2022 22:52

The royals do it soon the time and no one bats an eyelid. Go enjoy yourselves while you can. The kids are too young to be jealous.

Bedtimeforever · 14/10/2022 23:25

The replies are getting more ridiculous as the thread gets longer. Girl, book that trip, have that holiday. You come first :) your kids will be absolutely fine. I left my 5mo when I went to Italy, and again when he was 7mo and he remembered me fine. My mum regularly travelled without us and I/we don’t have PTSD, need counselling or feel resentment. If anything, I look up to her, for not letting her kids get in the way of her getting on with life and I guess we’ve all continued to do the same with our kids.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/10/2022 23:52

There are some tightly wound martyrs on here who need to unclench.

Whitepouringglue · 15/10/2022 00:16

I saw my grandparents more than I saw my parents when I was a baby through to secondary school.

That's a completely different situation then.

CJsGoldfish · 15/10/2022 03:34

YANBU op, a week away won’t traumatise your children, you won’t be a bad parent, there are multiple flights out of MCO every day, in the unlikely event one is taken ill you’ll be home in a jiffy
id not even consider asking this question, it’s a no brainer for most who don’t needlessly Martyr themselves

There are some tightly wound martyrs on here who need to unclench
💯
Go for it OP. I hope you have a wonderful time.

Well, I am actually an expert on human behaviour and emotional health, including attachment
No, you're not 🙄

Alisondewy · 15/10/2022 06:58

We got married and went on honeymoon for 10 days. Our 16 month old stayed with her Nana. I was still breastfeeding at the time (once a day only by then) so had to take my pump (how romantic). I was worried but needn't have been. They looked after her at our house and had the best time. They have an amazing bond now and she stays over with them in the summer without any worries (200 miles away). I would say go for it in my opinion!