Huge row with DH! Help me!!

[DM1720]

Just had a big row with DH over cleaning the kitchen. I usually cook dinner, he cleans up after while I put our kids to bed. It’s a system that works well for us!
This evening I came downstairs and found him sweeping the kitchen surfaces with our dustpan and brush! 🤢 I asked him not to do this before so when I saw him doing it again this evening I got angry and asked why he couldn’t do it the normal way I.e use a cloth to sweep crumbs into hand or even on to floor and sweep after (which he’d be doing anyway!). He couldn’t see where I was coming from at all, and cannot understand what is wrong with his way. I think it’s disgusting even though he plans to wipe down the surfaces after with the kitchen cloth! He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc 🙄
AIBU?
Please help me to explain to him how gross this is? He won’t listen. We’re not actually speaking over this!!

I don’t see a problem . He’s wiping down after . Honestly not worth the strife

I can't answer for other people, I used the word 'ill-advised' which is not close to hyperbolic.

People use words like 'grim' to express themselves. It does not mean they have actual anxiety about germs.

Would he use the toilet cloths on the kitchen surfaces first-off and then wipe is down as stage 2 with kitchen cloths? Probably not. 🙄 But actually what he’s doing is the same principle. Get him to put the kids to bed instead OP.

lannistunut I don't think she's saying being hygienic amounts to 'anxiety about germs' simply that many posters here are (and they really are) being hyper (and needless vigilant) and probably too anxious about germs. Dish cloths do not need changing daily and tbh, you definitely could drop a sandwich on the floor, eat it and not die. Just saying. Mrs Hinch has got a lot to answer for.

Woah woah woah. You're deliberately more messy just because you know you don't have to clean it?? That's proper shitty.

If you weren't so messy maybe he wouldn't have this way of cleaning ...?

Grim… but I am immunosuppressed and cross contamination is a big concern for me. I don’t use a kitchen cloth, I use kitchen roll and anti-bacterial spray - spray, leave for 2/3 minutes, then wipe before disposing of said kitchen roll. I have to be fastidious… and stories like this are the reason I tend not to eat anywhere other than home 😬

I do this if I've sliced a loaf or made a pizza with loads of flour etc, then wipe with anti bac, then throw cloth in washing machine and put a fresh cloth out for next day. Cant begin to get gripped about it or imagine arguing about something like this!

Thanks for all the responses. Quite entertaining actually… every second post agrees/disagrees quite strongly! it really has divided the mumsnet nation.

For those that think I’m awful for making a mess as I cook. I don’t deliberately make a mess, lol. I just don’t clean up after myself as I go. Not like I would if I were doing the clean up after.

Glad to see so many people agree and I can see others perspectives too re immune systems , eating out etc.
We are on speaking terms again but still can’t agree fully on the topic.. he still thinks it’s perfectly fine. I don’t. I’ll be washing my cloths every night from now on for sure!!
Thanks again for all of the perspectives on this!

Why can't men just do the fucking job without doing something weird and hazardous.

You know what he’s doing? A shit job so he can end up saying if you want it done your way then you do it. I have separate cloths for washing dishes and wiping surfaces. Floor germs on dishcloth is gross.

Not cleaning up after yourself as you go is deliberately making a mess on top pf you being messy any way

A dustpan and brush filled with food scraps does sound disgusting, but no more disgusting than a kitchen cloth reused for days on end. What if the cloth has been used to wipe up after raw chicken, or egg? Yuck.

Eeeek, I do this now and again (large amounts of flour, the fall out from slicing a loaf of bread, that sort of thing).
Of course I wipe it all down afterwards, but I don't use antibac and I don't wash my kitchen cloth every night.
We don't have pets and don't wear outdoor shoes indoors and don't get anything more than coughs and colds. I don't think I actually put anything that's going in my mouth directly on the kitchen counter or table.

I don't see it as a problem at all, the likelihood of anything grim being passed from the floor to the table to you is tiny ... germs are good for us. No wonder some of you take so long doing the housework ... my standards are pretty low but I am never sick, my DS has barely had more than a couple of days off sick throughout his school career & DH never ill either. Meanwhile my siblings family, who seem to use anti bac on every surface three times a day, hoover & wash floors daily etc ... are frequently ill with viruses, Covid, colds etc

I don't wash the cloths, I put them in the sink and pour boiling water over them.
Then I bleach them overnight and reuse.

I recently saw my DH use a sharp knife to chop a cucumber and make to put it back in the knife drawer. I was shocked and appalled.

Stop using bleach! It's so bad.

Just chuck them in the washing machine with other washing.

Fucking minging. Don’t blame you for kicking off at all.

Treat him to a little dustpan and brush just for surfaces.

That way you both win.

This. I have a long handled floor dustpan and a standard one for the work top.

What's wrong with a squirt of bleach?

I just don’t clean up after myself as I go. Not like I would if I were doing the clean up after.

So you purposely leave lots of crumbs, even though you wouldn't if you was cleaning up, just so you can get angry at your DH for using the pan and brush?

We have the same routine in our house but I wipe the surfaces before dishing up and again if I spill anything after. It takes seconds. I don't like the sound of what your DP is doing but can't help feeling he's being set up a bit here.

exactly what i was thinking

Maybe he's being PA about it because you're deliberately being messy. You're both at fault here.

I don't see it as a big problem, but then we almost never use the dustpan on the floor, and don't have pets, and don't wear outdoor shoes indoors much and always use chopping boards for prepping food.

My DC has a sensory issue with wiping food off with a hand / cloth so a dedicated dustpan is actually a great idea.