Huge row with DH! Help me!!

[DM1720]

Just had a big row with DH over cleaning the kitchen. I usually cook dinner, he cleans up after while I put our kids to bed. It’s a system that works well for us!
This evening I came downstairs and found him sweeping the kitchen surfaces with our dustpan and brush! 🤢 I asked him not to do this before so when I saw him doing it again this evening I got angry and asked why he couldn’t do it the normal way I.e use a cloth to sweep crumbs into hand or even on to floor and sweep after (which he’d be doing anyway!). He couldn’t see where I was coming from at all, and cannot understand what is wrong with his way. I think it’s disgusting even though he plans to wipe down the surfaces after with the kitchen cloth! He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc 🙄
AIBU?
Please help me to explain to him how gross this is? He won’t listen. We’re not actually speaking over this!!

But surely the kitchen surfaces aren’t always entirely dry after cooking a meal on them? And the dustpan and brush will have been used to brush up floor sweepings; the floor that people have walked on.

Depends if you are a shoes off family I suppose but if not you would be effectively transferring germs from the street on to your kitchen surfaces. And if you are, germs from the floors all over your house, on to kitchen surfaces.

Sorry, I’m not a cleaning fanatic by any means but it’s just yeugh.

No, its fine. The food that goes onto the worktop has previously been covered in soil, manure etc, so as long the worktop is cleaned hygienically afterwards its fine to use the dustpan and brush.

OP, this is where you are going wrong. I would not want to eat anything at the house of someone who uses their cloths more than once. That is absolutely minging.

However, what this just shows is that we all have different things that we find gross. I wouldn't worry about the sweeping brush so long as he wipes the worktops properly afterwards with hot soapy water (not antibac - it's vile). But the reusing a cloth thing is truly repulsive - to my mind. They are just germ-factories.

I think this could work well. Explain it's like chopping boards, you can't cut raw meat on the vegetable board even though you plan to clean it after. Equally you shouldn't sweep the counter with the floor brush. My kids put the dustpan and brush on the counter after sweeping (though I tell 'em not too) so I feel OP's pain.

important not to put him off cleaning though I think

If my DH did this I’d read him the riot act. Disgusting.

This is a great idea, thwart him!

It’s weird behaviour on his part. I wouldn’t be happy either.

Are you married to my DH @DM1720 ?

Drives me mad too. He'll also use the same sponge used to wash up dishes on the kitchen counter.. kitchen floor etc. If I ask him not to he'll moan that he cant do anything right etc. Cant win can you.

What’s this born and raised in London business by previous posters? So was I but I think you were fine to be a bit snippy OP - he was rude, even if he noticed what was on your phone it wasn’t his place to start making conversation over your private pics. And if you’d responded nicely or neutrally he would have continued in that vein.

Why are so many people talking about using disinfectant products on their surfaces as though everyone does this?

Save your wallet, the planet, your immune system and your lungs. Any old surfactant will do (ie washing up liquid) and doesn't need disinfectant spraying around.

On a side note, if I had to clean up after you, and knew you deliberately were messy because you weren't cleaning, I'd clean the bin with your toothbrush. ..in summary, YABU

Yeah, I'd be really annoyed at that, actually.

Oo sorry wrong thread 😄

You said he will wipe the surfaces down afterwards anyway meaning the surfaces will be clean despite him using the dustpan and brush first...so, yeah, to me? You're being unreasonable. He has his way of doing it and you have yours, but the end result is the same. You sound like you are picking a fight over essentially nothing. I would have done the same as your husband, told you to let me do it my way or to do it yourself.

Imagine if after you had cooked dinner he kept picking about the fact you baked something, but he thought you should fry it and he picked a fight about it. You would tell him to bug off and cook it himself if he didn't like how you were doing it.

Same principle here.

This is exactly my thinking on it! I use that cloth the next day and it’s just not clean

It the cloth has been in hot soapy water then of course it is clean. Hot soapy water is far better for wiping down surfaces than anti-bac spray anyway.

I think most of you are all absolutely bat shit 😂. I bet you put your handbags, kids lunchboxes, pet feeding bows (to fill up) car keys etc on your work top without giving it a moments thought. You use escalators, supermarket trollies, the petrol pumps, pens at work, public door handles etc without a moments thought, but you're worried about a dust pan and brush. I think you need to get a grip or at least be consistent. Honestly.

How do people live with such anxiety about germs all the time

And pets?

OP, this is where you are going wrong. I would not want to eat anything at the house of someone who uses their cloths more than once. That is absolutely minging.

You throw your cloths away after one use???

As pp say, oxo sell a special table top mini one. Just get one of those

Ah yes, the nonsense that being hygienic = anxiety about germs.

Being hygienic is just normal behaviour IMO, I never use antibac in the home, I just have a basic clean kitchen.

lannistunut, you're putting words in Vulpine's sensible mouth.

Total madness to have to use a disinfectant to sanitise what was a clean surface before it was smeared with whatever was walked in on the bottom of shoes. The floor is inheritently 'dirtier' than a kitchen surface. That is why we don't eat off or prepare food on surfaces that are walked on. Keep them separate. It is just common sense and not over-fussiness?!

No, I am interpreting their words as they are interpreting others'.

Iannustunut, so why all this hyperbole, why label others lifestyles as grim, disgusting, vile, minging etc

I would not like that at all. I think he should be left alone if cleaning up, but I admit I'd struggle not to say anything.

But I wouldn't use a cloth two days running. Clean one in the morning used all day and then in for washing.