To think there’s nothing wrong with quiet children?

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Just had my parents evening for DD (9).

I was told “She’s very quiet” and they want her to speak up and raise her hand more. Very much spoke about ‘being quiet’ like it’s a bad thing.

It pisses me off because what exactly is wrong with not being some ostentatious gobshite of a child? She is far from shy - she will stick up for herself, place her own order in a restaurant etc. but she isn’t loud and doesn’t say things unless there’s a need to say them. There are a lot of overconfident kids in her class and she doesn’t wanna be like that. She’s been the same since she was a toddler. She’s very aloof and much more one to stand back and observe rather than pile on. She doesn’t get it from me, I’m an extrovert, but I’d never expect her to be the same as me so I encourage her to go the flow.

AIBU to get really pissed off when people describe quiet people in a negative way, like it’s a flaw?

I did say i don’t see what wrong with being quiet it’s who she is and I don’t think she needs to change, the teacher practically recoiled in horror 🙄

A lot of posts saying not speaking in class isn't such a problem as long as child can contri6during group work. Groups in primary are normally about 6.

And yes, 30 kids per class. Not such a huge number and these are familiar children. So not quite in the same league as addressing the whole school. Speaking up in class is a reasonable aspiration for most children.

As for career change - which careers guarentee you'll never need to speak in front of 30 peers?

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I mean surely you’d even struggle to get into careers that require a degree if you refuse to speak in group situations. Don’t know about every degree of course, but in mine seminar and workshop participation is mandatory, usually in groups of between 12 and 20, and you’d struggle if you refused to ever ask a question in a lecture which can have loads of people in it.

I've always liked my own company and some people find it hard to accept, everyone should be constanty 'sharing' their feelings! When my OH died very suddenly at the start of lockdown it was, I think, my liking my own compny that got me through it. Acquaintances would ring up, very sorry that because of the lockdown they couldn't drop round to be with me, my mental thought was God bless covid!

@Gruffling I haven't missed the point at all.
I am able to do this, because it was required of me as a child and as a teen, so it's something I have practised.
The OP's dd is 9. No-one has any idea of what she might do when she is older. I also doubt very much if any 9 yr old is going to retire having only done the job they joined straight from school, so if not needed in one job, it might be in another. Also, as a pp said, she will quite possibly need to partake in discussion groups at University if she goes, or might want to be part of a campaign group for something, or 101 other places where it is normal to speak in front of other people.
Making this a normal thing to do, when in front of a group of familiar people she spends all day with at school, is going to make it less daunting when she later needs to do it in front of people who are less familiar or even who are strangers.

Christ you’d think I’d personally called each of your children cunts the way everyone is over reacting to two fairly innocuous words.

I think a few people on this thread need to grow a thicker skin.

I love how this thread has gone on to analyse what the success chances of my 9yo in her future career and Uni life 🤣 good old MN! My whole point is why is seen as being ‘quiet’ a bad thing?!

My niece is even quieter than DD, properly shy and timid (not around loved ones) and it’s like when people say “Ooh aren’t you shy” to her. What makes people think they can do this?!

I've always liked my own company and some people find it hard to accept, everyone should be constanty 'sharing' their feelings

My DD is so like this. She keeps her feelings between me and her dad. Theres been a whole lot of school activity for MH awareness week this week and she’s hated every moment. Having to write your feelings on a star and talk with peers about what makes you sad. She said it was ‘super cringey’ and she felt really uncomfortable doing it. She doesn’t wanna share her feelings to her class. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, in fact I’m proud of her for knowing who she is and going with it no matter what.