Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

I like your style.

Sad to see women defending a creep.

Sounds like an episode from one foot in the grave

Exactly this. I've been 'too friendly' ie. not enough boundaries enforced on public transport before.
You weren't rude, OP

Nothing wrong with saying it's private but wrong way of saying it. Just be polite.

My 70+ mum’s from London, now lives miles away, is incredibly nosy interested in people, and every time she comes to visit us by train we wait to hear about what new best mate she’s made on the journey. But even she wouldn’t lean over to peer at someone’s phone and ask them about it! And if she did, and someone was a bit snappier than needs be asking her not to, then tbh that’s her fault.

I’m sure your mum knows that it’s a step too far as well. But if for some reason she did do it, no one is going to feel threatened or even creeped out by her.

The OP did nothing wrong here - the man wouldn’t have done that to another bloke. (I do tend to think it was probably a distraction attempt.)

You did exactly the right thing.

Another one tired of male entitlement.

He was very rude to invade your space and start asking about what is in your phone.

If more men were told off, maybe they'd get the hint to stop doing it.

Yes he was a weird creep

but I would not have chastised him as directly as you did - not because you should give a shit about his feelings - but because you should look out for your personal safety. He already showed you he was a weirdo by asking about stuff he was looking at on your phone and invading your space. So I would have avoided potentially antagonising him, for fear of his reaction.

My god, what a lot of handmaidens!!

The bloke was rude for looking at your phone then asking you about a photo. Cheeky bugger. Why not ask a man, look at their phone?! 🙄

Your response was fine.

Shame about the other women in the carriage, that they didn't back you up.

Op has also said the guy was fidgeting and getting too close for comfort - already putting her on alert. This is what our gut instinct is for, women!!

People who say OP was rude seem to be ignoring this bit:

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

His nosiness is clearly a gambit. No accounting for the girls, though.

You’re conflating two very different scenarios and tying yourself up in linguistic knots doing it

Not at all, quite the opposite. I'm comparing two identical scenarios. Just two different perpetrators.

Since the OP had an problem with the action of looking at her phone I'm wondering whether she would respond the same regardless, or whether it was specific to this person. And if so, why?

It would be water of a duck's back 🤣

I think what you said has taken this thread off at a tangent. It was sarky.

It sounds like he was invading your space. This was before he even looked at your phone or said anything.

If I felt that someone (male or female) was invading my space I would say something or move.

Oh, my hackles went up when I read about the fidgeting.

I know these fidgety types well. They have often stalked up and down the carriage first. They sit down too hard, flap around right up in your space, huff and puff and mutter to themselves. Absolutely desperate for someone to look up and pay them some attention and can't stand it when you don't, so they have to push it a bit further.

He was a bit forward, you were a bit snappy. Both are personal choices. I wouldn't have asked a stranger like he did, but some people would. It's not like he was starting in your window at home or something - you looked at it in front of him and he asked a somewhat forward question.

No they're not identical scenarios, unless your mum goes round sitting too close to complete strangers and fidgeting next to them before peering over their shoulders.

But even if she did do that, it IS more intrusive when a man does this because they are bigger, stronger and therefore more of a risk. Also a man on the tube is also far more likely in the experience of many women used to travelling on the tube, to be persistent and not leave you alone.

So really, not the same situation at all. Weird that you're trying to compare them just so you can defend some rude bloke. So disappointing that so many women do this.

It's not so different to somebody bringing a puppy on the train and somebody going "aw, he's cute, what's his name?"

You probably wouldn't say "He's my dog and his name's private!!!"

Women are not support animals for bored curious men. You were fine, OP. I can’t believe the pandering on here.

Anytime I was polite to a man trying to chat to me on a train we would end up trying to touch me so I wish I never was. I wish I was brave like you.

No they're not identical scenarios, unless your mum goes round sitting too close to complete strangers and fidgeting next to them before peering over their shoulders.

Not impossible she'd do this...

But even if she did do that, it IS more intrusive when a man does this because they are bigger, stronger and therefore more of a risk. Also a man on the tube is also far more likely in the experience of many women used to travelling on the tube, to be persistent and not leave you alone.

I don't have any experience of the tube which is why I was asking how people behave. The OP sounds breathtakingly rude to me but maybe that's standard

So really, not the same situation at all. Weird that you're trying to compare them just so you can defend some rude bloke. So disappointing that so many women do this

I'm not defending him. I'm just gobsmacked at the way the OP has spoken to him, the various cheerleaders, and a LOT of emphasis being placed on him being male.

It's not an actual crime to have a penis, except on MN apparently

I'm wondering what OP meant by personal space.
@Readaboutyourself said : "Do you think him getting to touching distance is rude?"

I went on the train up to London this week. I go up once a qtr. Bus to Denmark. Tube later on.
At every stage I had people very close to me. When you sit on a chair the person is touching your thigh with their thigh.

I would. There is nothing about being female and 70 that makes it okay to try and make other people be your entertainment on the train. At 70 your mum really ought to know she’s being incredibly rude if she does something like that.

I'm gobsmacked you are so naive.

This thread is baffling. The man was rude, OP was rude back. How on Earth is OP in the wrong?!

It's not OK to ask a complete stranger what they are looking at on their phone.