Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

I don't have any experience of the tube which is why I was asking how people behave.

Well then your opinion is really irrelevant then, despite your over confidence in voicing it.

I'm not defending him.

Of course you are. Like all the other handmaidens on this thread.

Poor intrusive men. So hard done by. They should be allowed to continue to rudely impose themselves on young women 🙄.

Plenty of men (and women in their 70s) on tubes, trains and buses seem to be able to manage perfectly well without bothering women who are minding their own business.

So what if it came off as rude, you don’t owe a train creep politeness!

God OP, a weird random bloke leans over you on the tube and starts asking what’s on your phone and you WERE NOT POLITE?

i can’t believe what I’m reading.

I might have reacted as you did but I think it's possible he really didn't realise how his question would have felt to you. Some people can't empathise or see how others would feel in situations like this. It could have been that. I don't know.

Unless there is an emergency, it's rude to demand a stranger's attention. Anyone who does so should expect a sharp response.

This

You can't? Surely you know it's a woman's job to be decorative AND polite?

Probably for the same reason if you're walking home alone at night and a man starts walking behind you you'd be a fair bit more concerned than if it was a woman, I would say. The threat level is very different. Yes he could be absolutely lovely (unlikely) or he could see any engagement in conversation as 'encouragement' and follow her off the Tube. Again, a 70 year old woman doesn't quite pose the same threat.

Never mind the OP needing to be more polite, maybe men need to understand that imposing themselves on women in this way is the height of rudeness.

I think if I felt that threatened by him (which you’re saying you did) I would’ve responded something not quite so cutting.. eg.. ‘just an art gallery I went to today’ and put my phone away.

What he said was utterly innocuous and reasonable. Your reaction was hostile and disproportionate.

What he said would only have been innocuous and reasonable had it not been preceded by behaviour which made the OP uncomfortable.

I agree with you BUT I am from London and travel on the tube daily - Im pleased to say it is not only the north where people feel free to share and be friendly! I’ve had some great encounters on my commute.

OP I can only think the girls got involved because of your unfriendly tone and possibly they picked up on some type of neurodiversity.

Ive always found that answering politely to questions and then not much engagement has been enough to stop unwanted questions/conversation free travel but appreciate it is each to their own

I'm remembering what you said in case that ever happens to me hehehe well done you.

What’s this born and raised in London business by previous posters? So was I but I think you were fine to be a bit snippy OP - he was rude, even if he noticed what was on your phone it wasn’t his place to start making conversation over your private pics. And if you’d responded nicely or neutrally he would have continued in that vein.

I'm northern too. If you start leaning into someone and peering at their phone you can expect short shrift up here. Making conversation is one thing. Being rude and creepy is another.

I think I (and presumably most other adult women) can pretty easily tell the difference between someone chatting to be friendly and someone being inappropriate or trying to intimidate. It's better to be like the op and nip it in the bud early on than to tolerate it until it escalates.

Even if he hadn’t already encroached on OP physically, looking over a stranger’s shoulder and asking them about the photos on their phone isn’t reasonable. It’s rude and irritating.

OP the weird comments are a sign of deeply our society believes women should stfu and serve men at all times. Or they are rude, unpleasant and scorn-worthy. You were absolutely right to do what you did.
DD(17) is very anxious and 2 men approx 25-30 sat behind her on the bus today, discussing the disgusting sexual things they wanted to do to her. I wish she had your courage, but she sat there crying until they got off. Women need to teach men to not give ANY attention where it is not wanted.

It's extremely rude and intrusive to comment on a stranger's reading material.. it might be less threatening were it an old lady but it would be equally rude and annoying. Can't believe so many people think it's acceptable!

Exactly. Nothing wrong with op giving a rude response to rude behaviour. If the man didn't realise he was rude he has hopefully learned from the encounter. If he did he deserved it.

What if a woman did this? Would you have behaved the same?

It is something I would have done but I come from a place where, regardless of gender, having chit chat with strangers is normal and seen as part of life.

All those shrieking “how rude”, presumably those of you with male partners would not be phased at all if they behaved towards random lone women in the same way?

or if you have daughters and they came home and said they had been approached in this way. Would you be teaching them to #BePolite? Or would you think “thank fuck my daughter is able to draw firm boundaries with potentially predatory men”?

This thread is depressing. I hope I am raising my DD to be like you OP and not to sit in uncomfortable situations incase she upsets a man.

Men are asking how they can make woman feel more safe. Don’t be creepy weirdos encroaching on our personal space for a start.

The man was rude and out of order, no question. But I think the reaction from the girls is potentially telling. Perhaps the man was unintentionally rude. Perhaps you responded in a purposefully unpleasant manner to someone who was trying to be friendly.

I think you are being ageist there and pretty rude about your mum to portray her as an ill mannered, clueless old person who would peer into and ask questions about someone's private business.

A conversation is not the same thing as what the OP describes.

He was a bit rude, but perhaps so were you.
Hard to judge without witnessing it.

if you're ever uncomfortable on the tube, it's easy enough to say "I'm getting off here, goodbye" and then wait a couple of minutes for the next train (or even just get off and back onto another carriage).

Hmm. More likely they were trying to rob the OP. Why would unrelated girls need to stick.up for a creepy man hitting on a lone woman?