Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

Do you think him getting to touching distance is rude?

Women do not have to put up with this shit.

No-one else commenting was there and I think many are ignoring the fact that he had already made you uncomfortable when he could have avoided it (not have sat so close or obviously fidgeted) before he even spoke to you. Given that I’d say a sharp response wasn’t unwarranted (though potentially a little risky as others have already pointed out).

What he said was not reasonable. Looking at a stranger's phone over their shoulder and asking them about it is not normal, reasonable, polite behaviour.

Other than the potential safety aspect, OP your response was perfect. Please ignore the weirdos who think the man's behaviour was fine.

Just out of curiosity OP, and I'm not saying you were right or wrong, as I'm undecided. But in all of your replies, you keep saying a man this and a man that ie why should I be polite to a random man, why should I allow a man to invade my space etc. What if it was a woman who had done the same thing, would you have felt and reacted the same way?

You did nothing wrong.

@Zone2NorthLondon is that directed at me? as my sanctimonious comment was directed at the crabbit one.

Why did he not chose to sit adjacent to another man, spread out to the chap in next seat
he chose a woman because he could, because he correctly predicted he’d get away with it.
He chose a woman because he’s a man imposing himself and using male privilege to dominate

This.

i wouldnt have liked it either no need to get that close and look at someones phone

I can't get over the number of posters saying OP should've closed phone and moved! Why the fuck should she when he invaded her space and privacy? It also gives him the power kick he is seeking. As for the other women's comment about it being rude. I'm seeing this more and more from younger women towards older women (maybe cos I am getting old), often with word "karen" associated with it. Age discrimination.

A woman is statistically far less likely to become aggressive and assault her.

Being nosy and rude is not friendly behaviour. He was the rude one.

Would it have been rude if it were a female? Was the train packed and he had to sit next to you? In which case it always feels too close for comfort. Do you have a big phone screen and holding it for the world to see? I don’t see the big deal. Travelling is boring, he obviously thought whatever you were looking at was interesting and it was probably in his line of sight. You could of got your point across more politely if necessary.

Well done for standing up for yourself and those two girls need to keep their beaks out.

I once got shouted at on a London bus by a woman for not saying 'please' when i asked two single men with no bags / buggies etc to move out of the buggy space on a nearly empty bus after a really stressful journey with many train issues and 11month old DD in the buggy. I had horrible PND at the time and sobbed about it afterwards. She really shook my confidence and i didn't get on a bus for ages without DH.

There's literally no need to comment on anyone if it doesn't involve you.

I have to keep checking what the OP said that was so rude according to PPs. She said this:

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

On what planet is this rude? Saying "F off you nosy c." would be rude. What the OP said was terse but factual.

dont make false comparisons
a woman in her 70s is not the same as manspreading man imposing himself
you simply can’t conflate the two

Is it though?.

The OPs response to the man was all about privacy and that looking at her phone and commenting was a breach of privacy.

She didn't say to him to stop manspreading, to stop fidgeting or sitting so close or anything. She said there's such a thing as privacy.

I can absolutely imagine my mum being interested in what she can see on someone's phone and making a nosey comment on it.

So - if my mum sat next to and commented on something the OP considered private, would the OP tell her there's such a thing as privacy (and the rest)?

Or is the difference just that one person has a penis?

You’re conflating two very different scenarios and tying yourself up in linguistic knots doing it @DontSuitAJumpsuit

I would have told him (and them) to F off. You're more polite than me!

Exactly. Making it clear to someone who has already made you feel uncomfortable that their behaviour is unwanted is not "being rude".

I'd imagine she would if hypothetical lady was spreading her legs to invade the OPs personal space, making her uncomfortable and then snooping at her phone and then questioning it.

Can't really see a woman doing that though, do you?

Nothing for nosey buggers, which is what my Gran would say.

I would have pointed out to them that it is rude to read over someone's shoulder.

I think if I was creeped out I would have said ‘Ah, just some pictures’, turned my phone off and stood up.

No point giving anyone a lecture/telling off.

The question to ask is, would he have said those exact things in the exact same way, to Dwayne The Rock Johnson? If not - creepy.

Your Gran would be flamed on here if it was her posting then! (PS that's what my Dad would say!)