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Original poster

Bizarre incident on train...

737 replies

Redqueenheart · 11/10/2022 18:34

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

OP posts:
dottypotter · 12/10/2022 20:05

Head stuck in the phone instead of being aware of your surroundings and possibly chatting and then rude when spoken too, then onto the Internet to tell strangers about it. Yes very bizarre.
Too many people with their heads stuck in their phones today. Talk to people around you. You never know you.might enjoy some pleasant convo talking to another human being on this earth.

Whatarubbishusername · 12/10/2022 20:07

ArabellaScott · 12/10/2022 19:58

👏

Show quote history

I don't think anyone's saying you're not allowed to do these things. They are saying that it is possible to be assertive without being aggressive and rude. IMO a lot of these responses are way over the top. Yes, the man on the train was inappropriate, but be the bigger person and just move away.

RBKB · 12/10/2022 20:07

OP I think the man sounds weird and rude. The broader context is that women unfortunately have to be wary of men. They are the attacked sex. Those of you goading the OP...look at the f@@ing statistics and stop being such sanctimonious nobs. She felt threatened and intruded upon. A depressing proportion of men feel entitled to encroach on space and privacy; and decent men have way more respect. People don't need to tell them to back off because they don't overstep, because thry give a shit about respecting everyone's space. YANBU OP and this is the ever more depressingly goady mumsnet 'attack the OP automatically' brigade

Catastrophejane · 12/10/2022 20:07

He was a dick and you can respond any way you please.

maybe he was just being friendly but I doubt it.

The invading of your space is a dead giveaway.

RBKB · 12/10/2022 20:09

And err @dottypotter do you seriously chat to people on a London tube? Nah you don't. It's weird to do that in London...hence OP was unsettled.

notprettybeautiful · 12/10/2022 20:09

YANBU.
First, always trust your instincts. Second. You don't owe strangers or anyone who cold approaches you in public anything. Cheggers etc get short shrift with me. I assume any stranger who approaches me in public is up to no good. Safety is number one, especially for a woman on her own. Btw I don't live in London.

ArabellaScott · 12/10/2022 20:12

be the bigger person and just move away

I'd far rather women were more concerned with their safety and preserving their dignity than appeasing creeps or whether they look like a 'good person' or not.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/10/2022 20:13

I think he was rude and the women were wrong. Looking at your phone was intrusive.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 12/10/2022 20:19

now I’m thinking - what would my decent, polite OH (man) do. Never ever sit next to a woman, look over her shoulder at her phone and start to ask questions. Can’t imagine it.

I would have become very nervous and possibly much ruder than you. I’ve been attacked by three boys and punched in the stomach before, on a normal but quiet London street, and I have to say you do you here. Other posters do what they want. You don’t think about your reactions when you’re scared and for those who wouldn’t be - accept that others might.

LaDamaDeElche · 12/10/2022 20:22

Sapphire387 · 11/10/2022 18:59

I was born and raised in London and still live here, and I think you were rude. If you didn't want to talk, you could have said so.

Same! Also putting yourself in a situation that could potentially kick off for no real reason. Loads of weirdos on the tube.

Sheerdetermination · 12/10/2022 20:26

I think you’re right that they were distraction thieves. I would have moved too.

R0BYN · 12/10/2022 20:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Sheerdetermination · 12/10/2022 20:28

Why weren’t you willing to help out a someone who was in need? Could you realise not spare your charger/phone for 2-3 minutes?

Starlyte · 12/10/2022 20:32

I remember why I hate London tube trains.

darcyandfinn · 12/10/2022 20:37

Another born and bred Londoner that thinks the same as you guys! Really rude response to snap at him like that, he could have been neurodiverse or just making conversation.

ThisShipIsSinking · 12/10/2022 20:43

His comment wouldn' t have bothered me, l quite enjoy talking to people and don' t feel threatened by a man making random conversation. But each to their own.

Flobbertybillop · 12/10/2022 20:43

Cannot believe the amount of people saying you’re were rude.
GOOD FOR YOU OP! He was bang out of order, and hopefully he’ll think about his actions in future. The girls were out of order too, and probably socially conditioned into being good girls.

God, so many people pleasers - stop it!
(this winds me up, can you tell…)

Mba1974 · 12/10/2022 20:45

OP I couldn’t bear to read all of this, just here to say you did nothing wrong. This is why I teach my young daughter that No is a complete sentence, especially when it comes to boys/men, that anytime she feels uncomfortable she has very right to move, leave, call it out. Worst case someone thinks she’s rude, best case she’s got herself out of a dangerous situation. Evolution has bred that “spidey sense” into women for good reason. This whole “be nice” bollocks is just a way to lower women’s boundaries, you don’t owe anyone “nice” in any way shape or form. I use the tube all the time, there’s no way I would ever lean into someone’s space, read their phone or comment on it in an enclosed space where said person couldn’t move and I’m female. I would smile, say good morning, exchange niceties with someone passing me or in a situation that was fluid and either of us could easily walk away. It’s not rude, it’s common sense!

awomanofthecuntytype · 12/10/2022 20:45

Just thinking about this thread. I had a similar experience with a woman recently on a London bus. She was acting as if she was my best friend, though I'd never seen her in my entire life. I smiled blandly, muttered something polite, and looked pointedly out of the window. I then ignored her further attempts to be my best friend (I gave her the occasional weak smile when she jabbed me in the arm).

So it's not just men. It's people who are a bit odd. On the whole, they are best politely ignored.

frogswimming · 12/10/2022 20:46

On the tube people usually politely ignore each other, because of the proximity of so many other people in each other's personal space (who are potentially weirdos). So he was definitely dodgy for not following normal tube social conventions. Therefore you were absolutely right.

(Ps my friend once got jizzed on on the tube, everyone was so squished up she didn't notice till she got off. Men are revolting)

ArabellaScott · 12/10/2022 20:47

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

100%

Virtually all creeps are male.

SpideySensesIsALoadOfShit · 12/10/2022 20:49

@Mba1974 I don't buy this "spidey senses" bollocks. If someone is in your space, they can piss off out of it whether they be male or female. I would give both genders short shrift. I'm not sure I'd be directly rude, though.

Mba1974 · 12/10/2022 20:58

Then I guess I got lucky to have them.. Most women I know have an innate sense of when something’s not right , both evolutionary and because of experience from a young age. You may not have it but I do and trust it implicitly. I have never been threatened by another woman, and statistically men are far more risk to me and my daughter than other women. But if I sensed something was off I would react or leave regardless of the sex of the other person. Men however, are far more likely to ignore boundaries and no woman owes anyone politeness in that situation. And did you change your name just to respond to one post!!?? That’s commitment!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/10/2022 21:00

You did nothing wrong and he sounds like a creep. The young women will hopefully realise about boundaries before they have a bad encounter with a creep or two.

Cinderella1 · 12/10/2022 21:01

I would've said "Nothing that concerns you!" - a bit rude but to the point, since he was rude staring over your shoulder in a first place. Agree with OP regarding girls' reaction being weird.