Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

Yes this! I always used to engage as I was conditioned to be polite and put others before my own comfort. I would have done the same, although I probably would’ve silently closed my phone and ignored because sometimes mens reaction to rejection is aggression (personal experience)

Your kind and respectful is another person's compliant and a pushover. Being lonely doesn't not give you carte blanche to make someone else uncomfortable by invading their personal space and trying to make them have a conversation with you. I'm sure there were other people he could have conversed with who weren't engrossed in their phone. He was rude and pushy.

It's easy to tell the difference between people who have learning difficulties and people who are pushing your boundaries.

*Men are never rude when they don’t respect womens boundaries

Women are always rude when they tell men to respect their boundaries*

Yup. Tale as old as time…

I was charging my phone on the train once when a man in his 50s came up and asked for my charger 'because his wife was at the next station and he needed to call her'. I looked up, surprised, said sorry, no. He then insisted! I explained I was using it, as if he couldn't see. He then actually scoffed and replied 'oh you're using it, are you?'
So odd, but also not surprising. Just a relatively mild example from a long line of other, worse, behaviour from men on public transport.

It didn’t sound like he was going to attack her at all? It was on a busy tube and he just sounded like he was trying to make conversation?

Well in my 20s I responded innocently to a man asking what I was listening to and then he starting being weird after following me to another (full) carriage, he squashed me against the window and put his hand up my skirt and no one did anything even when I moved to the foyer bit by the doors and burst into tears (crowded train, people just avoided eye contact).

So this is why I wouldn’t even talk to a man on public transport even if it was busy and understand why OP reacted like she did.

Read ‘The Gift of Fear’ we should never ignore our instincts.

You know what, my personal space is valuable and I am that fucking special. So is my daughters.So is your daughters, though you will regrettably teach her otherwise.

I AM allowed to not have men touching me. I AM allowed to say to men, you are too close, back off. I AM allowed to say to men, I do not wish to talk to you, or be pleasant to you, or to ignore my boundaries to make you happy.

No happy couples ever met by a man making an unknown woman uncomfortable with unwanted attention. I don;t have a "celebrity crush" due to not being 12, but if I did I can assure he could fuck off if he acted the same way.

My personal space and right to be left alone IS that special, and I fell terribly sorry for you that you don't value your own, or other womens. But that's your issue, not mine, or anyone elses.

👏

I second that 👏🏼

Me too!
(applause... can't find the emoji)

Well said Autumn crow!

Brilliantly put.. How is the OP supposed to know if he is lonely, on the spectrum, etc etc. He’s a dickhead

Thanking you.

As this thread has unfolded, it has really got quite bonkers. I think the cohort of posters who apparently refuse to understand that women are allowed to be a bit fucked off now and again are not quite on the level.

I do think you were unnecessarily rude. As a PP said, you could have replied “it’s private” without the sarcasm.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I would have said "Some pictures!" Got up and move d immediately, But I would have moved as soon as he sat down and creeped me out by man spreading. Even if I had to stand up as a result!

No idea why other just seem to think/be focusing on you were rude because actually that isn't really the issue!

No idea why other just seem to think/be focusing on you were rude because actually that isn't really the issue!

It's almost as if it's perfectly fine for a man to be rude (sitting uncomfortably close, peering at her phone, asking her about what he's seen on her phone) but a woman must always, always, BE KIND, BITCH.

How funny. I've never heard a man being called uppity. Another word like hysterical, feisty, shrill, bossy, abrasive, pushy, sassy, bolshy, nagging, headstrong. They're only used about women and are designed to stop them setting their boundaries and being assertive.

Stay in your place and humour men is the message. Well fuck that.

If you want to limit yourself, feel free, but don't try and shame other women into being as downtrodden as you appear to be.

You were absolutely spot on with how you dealt with it, especially in the current toxic climate with regards to woman’s safety. He had no right to invade your personal space and his behaviour was indicative of pure male entitlement. Appalled to hear those defending him, and concerned that said people may still be raising their daughters to people please men. Good for you for defending your space and privacy.

Honestly it sounds like you were quite obnoxious generally about something very innocuous, and being "furious" about it is an over reaction.

Give your own boundaries away if you must.

But I'll be holding on to mine.

You did nothing wrong. Unfortunately too many young women have been instructed to 'be kind' especially where men's feelings are concerned. It took me years to realise that I didn't have to.

YANBU, OP. Women should be a lot ruder to creepy men, imo.

👏

I understand how you feel and it is creepy that he intruded into your personal space. But I think that the reason I understand how you feel is because I've been in that kind of situation before and it's actually really scary. If it had been me I would have said 'this is personal property and I would appreciate it if you would give me back my personal space' or something like that. It could be worth reporting it to the police just so that it's on their records in case it happens to someone else too

Im
guessing you’re not single then poor guy that must of really hurt his ego