Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

you were rude, he was just making chat and im not suprised the women said something. Cant we talk to other human beings on this planet then?

It’s always men. Every time. I bet none of you polities have ever had a woman start a random conversation about what’s on you’re phone?

I think the young girls were naive.

I do get random women starting conversations with me actually. But it's different, isn't it?

why are people sitting with their heads in their phones in the first place engage with people around you.

That's such a strange comment. I quite often have women starting up a conversation if I'm in the bus or out walking the dog etc. Especially elderly women (and men for that matter). I just always take it that they are just being friendly tbh.

But have they ever asked what's on your phone?

I've had chats with strangers on public transport about the weather, the bus being late, the train being late (again), all kinds of neutral things. Never, ever would I ask any of them, what's on your phone? And I would find being asked that intrusive. It crosses a social boundary for me. And it's OK for me to feel like that.

You're assuming we know for a fact this man didn't have a learning disability of some kind which may have made it difficult for him to understand appropriate boundaries. Clearly the women who called OP out didn't find his manner threatening otherwise they would have backed her up. My feeling is he was probably completely harmless. if the way OP has been snappy to anyone on here who doesn't agree with her is anything to go by then she must be a real joy to bump into on the train...

Because I'm fucking reading the news or looking for knitting patterns or surfing mn. That ok with you. Grrrrr.

But it's no-one else's business what the OP finds unacceptable or not as long as she's not breaking the law or breaching safeguarding. She wasn't.

And no, I wasn't assuming anything, @LuckyLil, I can assure you.

Strange how for so many life still has to be based on providing pleasant interaction to men, no matter the circumstances or how dodgy their behaviour, because god forbid a woman might miss an opportunity to be part of a couple...
Haha, going from just being pleasant to strangers to indulging men...not a gigantic step at all. Being nice is just that. It's not selective, opportunity minded, and certainly not being weak.

Some might well see this as 'rude'. I view it as simple, direct speech (and the methods listed above as craven cowardice)
Indeed, others might see it as rude just those two girls did as they were entitle to. The whole thing is a non issue, but OP clearly did. It's ok for her to say what she wants but not for others. You can't have it both ways.

i also had years of using public transport and my worse discomfort was someone overweight taking a seat next to me and overcrowding me. If they also happened to smell, that was misery. Yet never would have had told them to get out of my space because...well it would be rude.

Public transportation is very often an unpleasant experience, it doesn't mean it's ok to be rude.

It’s always men. Every time. I bet none of you polities have ever had a woman start a random conversation about what’s on you’re phone?
This is very weird. I had plenty of women starting to chat to me. Often drunk ones who would ask me where I was going, or where I bought my bag and would go on and on. I find it hard to believe this only happened to me!

I believe, although am no expert (honest!) it's something Japanese. It's drawings of ladies being pleasured by octopuses

Actually, yes I have. Though it was my laptop and I was in a library. She stared at my screen quite openly and commented on a photo that my friend sent IN A MESSENGER CONVERSATION. It was just scenery from his holiday, but wtf?

I clicked off instantly which probably made me look guilty of something, and looked at her blankly. I think I said something like."Sorry?" and she took the hint and walked away.

I'd actually forgotten about this until now. And I'm prickling at the memory..

Me too. On my last train journey the lady next to me told me all about her holiday, her disabled DD, where she lived all sorts. People often tell me their life stories, my husband walks off laughing when it happens in shops or if I sit down on a bench when we got for a walk at our local beach. Not about my phone though as I don't use it much unless someone calls me.

but you dont mind mind talking to strangers online hmmm?

Did that really make sense in your head?

The best one I've had was a lady who kept staring at me on a train. It was quite odd and disturbing. Then she finally asked me if I'd mind if she guessed my star signs. I thought she was bonkers but I said yes and very spooking, she got it right, not just my sun sign 1/12 chance, but moon also.

After that, we talked about astrology, it was very interesting, although it was clearly a very random lucky guess.

It's so sad that people have to be so defensive nowadays.

😀OMG.

Is that all your have?

Yes, maybe, on my own terms. Not for the edification of the man invading my space and privacy.

I haven't been on public transport for years, so it's a bit academic.

You're not a country side type. In the country side people have to get along together and tend to make connections, not burn bridges at every opportunity.

Laughs in Herefordshire.

These comments get barmier. I'm pretty sure they are wind-ups.

Not when they don't want to talk to you, no. Not when you get right into their personal space and make them uncomfortable, and nose into their phone and ask questions.

It's actually really easy to work out who wants to talk to you and who doesn't. Get a hint.

a snack for you back in your cave

Uppity and rude.

I have been raised to be kind and respectful in general. Wouldnt make a difference to me if it was a man or a woman and someone asking me a question wouldnt offend me. Who knows why he asked, maybe be has a learning difficulty and doesn't understand social expectations or maybe he was lonely and just wanted to try and make conversation with someone.

She wasn't. He wasn't. They were out of order.

Cant we talk to other human beings on this planet then?

Sock puppetry. No one has said you can't talk to other people. What you can't do is invade someone's personal space, make them feel uncomfortable and then peer at their private phone and make comments about it.

Again, what you do in the countryside for those at the back is very relevant when you're having a discussion about what happens in the countryside. I wouldn't dream of telling people how they should engage there because I have far less experience of it. The situation on the tube is very different.