Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

Me too.

No doubt there are dodgy guys out there and weirdos but so many women seem to live in this bubble of fear and self imposed limitations.

@Galaktoboureko op hasn’t touched my jacket nor has she been rude, she did spectacularly misinterpret my point though

Maybe he wasn't from London so didn't realise that speaking to people is weird

I think you were awful, I was just saying the other day to someone people just aren't friendly or pleasant these days. That an might not have spoken to anyone and just wanted a conversation. It doesn't hurt to be kind.

As someone who travels regularly on the tube many times, I think you over-reacted. Sure it can be uncomfortable when someone speaks to you unexpectedly (certainly not the done thing on the tube) but a short polite response would have been better. If he had turned out to be too intrusive or persistent, you always had the option to get up and move or leave at the next station and join a different carriage.

Londoner and frequent tube user here. OP, The man was being totally weird and completely outside the norm.

If it happened to me I would have been "rude" to him too, but more like a complete blank (while I looked up pictures of murder weapons and videos of invasive tendon surgery on my phone until he looked away).

I wouldn't have said what you did, but I'm not blaming you - you reacted in the moment while you were trapped in a tight space with someone behaving in an unexpected and intrusive way.

The girls were probably just responding to the tension by giggling and not really disapproving of you.

Seems most posters don't agree.

"all the other women..."

Not me. I would not have been bemused. We're not all little handmaids tutting at women who dare to have preferences.

Again, I wouldn't have responded like OP but I also wouldn't judge her either. Tight space, strange man, weird behaviour. We all do what we have to in a moment of panic.

I wonder if Sarah Everard was polite to Wayne Couzens?

Correct. But that's not what I asked.

Why not say

'sorry I they are related to work and I am rather busy'

No need to be rude OP. None at all.

Well, she went one step further didn't she, and actually "obeyed" him - due to his abuse of his position of apparent authority. Bastard piece of shit.

@Galaktoboureko

im autistic and you can fuck right off with your ableism

So fucking rude. Much more so than the OP.

No, I don't. However that's not what I asked.

They do.

My partner is a big guy. Lifts weights and has a boxer's nose. He regularly talks to a random guy with learning difficulties who he sees every day in the coffee shop near work. Guy bought him an Xmas present last year. 😂 Bit odd but a nice gesture.

OP probs would've thought he was a stalker or there was a bomb in the box!

I do understand the need to be cautious at times as we can't defend ourselves like men can, but from OP's description the guy had learning difficulties and the other women in the carriage recognised this and felt embarrassed by her actions. To say ''my pictures are my business and I don't have to share them with you" whilst flouncing off is a bit cringe.

I wouldn't have been so aggressively hostile.

I probably would have said, It's an art exhibit, and left it at that. If he pressed on, I would have said, Excuse me, but I really hate people looking over my shoulder.

This isn't a hypothetical, the OP has described in detail how his actions made her feel uncomfortable even before he opened his mouth. Are you dismissing her actual experience and her instincts as 'self imposed fear'?

And generally speaking, what if it's not always about fear, and just that people on the train might be happy in their own thoughts and not want to be interrupted by strangers who need entertaining? God, you're carrying on like she's missed out on some enriching life experience by not having a trite conversation with a random guy.

Oh please. This place is misanthropic 'feminist' central. You know, that group that over 90% of us in the UK don't want to be associated with.

I think it was weird, if not something worse and calculated. I am from a far friendlier part of the country than London, and would be absolutely amazed if someone did what he did; I see no reason to look at someone els'e phone, nor for them to look at mine. Very odd and unsettling - let alone how up close people have to be to be able to look, even if they are "welcome to" (rare).
You were not wrong in the way you handled it. }
Politeness not necessary in this scenario.

On the tube? Yes of course people are sitting close enough to touch and see your phone. The seats are that close together!
I also think you were a bit rude. You couldn't have just said "it's private", and moved away if you didn't want to sit there.
I'm a Londoner who sometimes talks to people on the tube! We're not all weirdos. He might just have been interested in something that caught his eye.

I’m with you all the way OP. Women are told to ‘be kind.’ Or entreated to search for explanations that excuse poor behavior. ‘Oh he might be autistic / learning disabled, he probably can’t help it.’

Fuck that.

You trusted your instincts. The guy and girls could have been working together for some malign purpose but even if that wasn’t the case, you refused to put the feelings of a rude random stranger above your own. You didn’t owe him anything. He had no right to invade your privacy.