Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

I’m glad you called him out in his behaviour, if he did have bad intentions then he deserved it. If he didn’t then perhaps he’ll think twice before doing this again and creeping someone else out who may be too scared to say anything.

I would have just smiled and answered his question.

I reckon those two women weren't local. Real Londoners would've recognised his behaviour as inappropriate.

To everyone saying the OP was being rude: men who make women feel uncomfortable do not have the right to be responded to with politeness. Women are not obliged to be polite and chatty just to make the world a better place for men.

To everyone who wonders why Londoners are "rude" - it's because of the long-term effects of constant harassment over a long period of time. Harassment isn't just about individual incidents - it's about the way it's ingrained into society and about us having to deal with yet another creepy man, again. Living in a big city inevitably means you'll see anti-social behaviour, and we have to be alert in dealing with it. People living in pretty Cotswold villages shouldn't be telling women in big cities how to deal with harassment.

Your reaction was perfect.

But since when did people on the tube start talking to each other? I remember studied silence when I lived and worked in London.

I'm only guessing based on the information available. Seems more like the girls felt OP's reaction was harsh and felt sorry for the man. But who knows

''@UserNameNameNameUser
I suspect the man and the two women were working together. Am I right in thinking the two women were sat on one side of you, then he came and sat on the other side, getting too close and starting to act weird, and then the two women started acting off too? So you were sandwiched between them?

it’s a pretty classic trick to disorient someone by making them feel vulnerable on both flanks.Have you checked you’ve still got all your valuables.''

This! absolutely this.

I had that feeling as well that something was just off form the start. I was indeed sandwiched between the two women who sat next to me first and then the guy sat down next to me in a way that just felt ''off'' from the start and that's why I described this as a ''bizarre incident''.

I think there are a lot of people in this thread commenting who are not used to what living in a city like London is like and are just focusing on the ''rudeness' and are just assuming the guy meant no harm. I don't.

You just develop that sixth sense that someone or something is not right when you spend a lot of time in a big place like London and you come across a fair number of real creeps.

The guy put me on edge the minute I felt him next to me and I just was not having it.

The first thing I did was to check that everything was still in my bag when I sat further away from them and everything was still there.

Interesting that this generated so much debate though.

I like to think that I would have spoken in a kinder way.

Why should anyone speak kindly to a creepy man?

So as not to be rude one must not be seen to be rude.irrespective of the provocation or event

Well, bully for you. Have you been raised to be a good girl and to be kind to men?

You were unnecessarily rude. There is a way of saying things.

Personally I would have felt awkward being that blunt (don't know if that's necessarily a good thing) but I think the point is fair. It would be totally inappropriate to look over someone's shoulder at a WhatsApp conversation and ask what that was about. I don't think this is any different.

Btw, I live in London also and have never ever had a positive experience from a man attempting to engage with me on public transport.

Woman: "I like your jacket. Where did you get it from?"

OP: "It's MY jacket and it's private!"

🤣

Was the woman imposing herself and her jacket into the op physical space, being overbearing? Was the woman making op feel unsafe? Or are you simply making up a nonsensical comparison to diminish another woman legitimate response to an unsettling experience?

''@Zone2NorthLondon ·
tectonicplates · Today 22:36
Why should anyone speak kindly to a creepy man?
So as not to be rude one must not be seen to be rude.irrespective of the provocation or event''

I will remember that if someone ever tries to assault or threaten me. The most important thing is that I don't upset the perpetrator by saying or doing anything that could be considered ''rude''...silly me to think that I should concentrate instead on sending the message that I am not be messed with in the first place.

FFS...

I do hope people are not teaching their daughters this type of 1950s nonsense about being people-pleasers at all costs or that their greatest aim in life should be to placate fragile men and not ever be rude to anyone.

One should definitely be rude to the rude.

It was really rude of you. Just say something polite like "oh just some photos of an exhibition" in a vague, bored manner that suggests you don't really want to have a convo with this guy and I'm sure he would've got the message.
I appreciate that there London is another world, especially the tube where the golden rule is that no one dares look at anyone, let alone smile or chat, so maybe I'm just from a frendlier place. As someone else said earlier maybe he was SN, and didn't have an idea of the "rules".

Errrr op do reread my posts you’ll see I’ve been a strident supporter of your response and am aghast that rudeness is used as a reproach . I was poking fun at the notion your alleged rudeness is more heinous than him imposing himself upon you.You’ve really got this all muddled

Was the woman making op feel unsafe?Or are you simply making up a nonsensical comparison to diminish another woman legitimate response to an unsettling experience?

It's odd that she would've 'snapped' at him rather than just walked away if genuinely scared. Wonder why the other women in the carriage didn't also seem terrified. 🤔

We'll never know as we weren't there and only have one side of the story but it sounds like he had learning difficulties and the other women picked up on it whilst OP immediately assumed the worst due to him being male.

Lol. Not liking the rudeness anymore when you're the recipient. 😂

Jesus, I always chat to randoms on public transport, I'll keep my mouth shut from now on, some people are so easily offended.

You were quite within your rights OP. Everyone in London knows you don't engage with strangers on public transport. He was sending out clear 'nutter' vibes and should be avoided at all costs. He'd have gone on to asking you out 'there's no harm in one drink' and on and on. Fuck 'em.

And those silly young women have less experience of life than you: they'll learn the hard way.

''@Galaktoboureko · Today 22:44
Woman: "I like your jacket. Where did you get it from?"
OP: "It's MY jacket and it's private!"
🤣''

Actually:
Man spots woman travelling on her own in tube carriage. There are several empty seats on her right but man decides to seat really close to woman. Woman becomes uncomfortable. Man starts fidgeting and touching woman in the process. Woman becomes even more uncomfortable but continues to look at her phone and ignores man. Man leans over and ask ''what's that?''. Woman is really annoyed and tell him ''that's my phone and it is private''. Girls on her left suggest she was rude. Woman has had enough of this mutters ''my pictures are my business and I don't have to share them'' and walks away to a different part of the train to remove herself from situation''.

There, fixed it for you and not a jacket in sight.

sounds like he had learning difficulties You deduced that from op post, you’re really just clutching at straws to support your speculative point.