To not buy things for grandchild?

[medvedgosha]

DS and his gf are students, they're expecting a baby in a couple of months. They have clothes for baby etc but DS has asked if we can buy a pram and a cot.

I've said no as I'm currently paying their rent for them, but AIBU?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Well "I'm paying their rent which means I'm barely able to feed myself" vs "in paying their rent as I earn 6 figures and it's mere pennies to me" makes a huge difference.
And "I could help, they need it and baby will go without if I don't" vs "I could help but I didn't get her pregnant so let them suffer and learn".

Generally I think there's a baby in this, and those who can probably should. But you're already giving them hundreds per month so perfectly reasonable if you can't.

[MMoon23]

Facebook marketplace!!!! Baby stuff is so incredibly cheap on there, as most parents seem to like to buy things new, there’s loads of baby items that you can easily pick up for a very small amount

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@CJsGoldfish

Actually you're wrong. There was a great NYT article with graphs for all the methods and the failure rates. There are many children born while using contraception. Those failure rates are often with perfect use, for one year. Well unless you only have sex for one year, the cumulative risk is quite large
Yeah, that article really just confirms that user error (or complacency) is the cause of most 'accidents'. 😂

To err is human. And it is. To be complacent is human, although Pope didn't say that. They're still accidents. They weren't on purpose.

Also you are neatly confirming my theory that the crying/laughing face is only ever used passive aggressively by people when they're being nobbers.

[mam0918]

@Darbs76

That’s because the rules have changed since you were at Uni, loans are now means tested and parents are expected to make up the short fall

Way to assume

I was at uni less than 7 years ago... Im hardly a dinosaur but for all you know I could have left uni last year.

[Ponderingwindow]

Paying a student’s rent isn’t unusual. I would be furious if my student child decided to have a baby. I wouldn’t cut off my academic funding because I value education too highly, but I would not be buying a pram.

[2bazookas]

Tell them to buy their own secondhand pram and cot.

They need to grow up and take responsibility now.

[mam0918]

Also talk of who gets student loans is moot... I never had one, my parents still didnt pay and student loans dont apply to OPs kids situation.

They are over 18+ with a child living independantly from parents, they will get assistance through what is now UC (use to be income support) nothing to do with student loans.

[CJsGoldfish]

Also you are neatly confirming my theory that the crying/laughing face is only ever used passive aggressively by people when they're being nobbers
LOL. Sorry the point you tried to make didn't go so well. Better luck next time I guess 🤷‍♀️

Some people are in for a massive shock if they think they wave their offspring away to Uni aged 18 and aren't expected to contribute a penny
Meh.
I doubt anyone believes financial support stops at 18. Perfectly reasonable to not want to fully fund stupid and immature decisions though.

[Untitledsquatboulder]

@CJsGoldfish

Also you are neatly confirming my theory that the crying/laughing face is only ever used passive aggressively by people when they're being nobbers
LOL. Sorry the point you tried to make didn't go so well. Better luck next time I guess 🤷‍♀️

Some people are in for a massive shock if they think they wave their offspring away to Uni aged 18 and aren't expected to contribute a penny
Meh.
I doubt anyone believes financial support stops at 18. Perfectly reasonable to not want to fully fund stupid and immature decisions though.

Tbf she has a point.

As for making poor decisions, do you mean having sex? Because, beyond that, not sure how much of the decision-making rested with her son. I guess he decided not to abandon his pregnant girlfriend but some would see that as being responsible.

[CJsGoldfish]

As for making poor decisions, do you mean having sex? Because, beyond that, not sure how much of the decision-making rested with her son. I guess he decided not to abandon his pregnant girlfriend but some would see that as being responsible
Why would having sex be a poor decision?
Would also argue that it was the sons decision making that ended with a pregnancy. Odds are he decided to have unprotected sex because, as pointed out by a previous poster, lol, shit decisions lead to most of what we call 'contraception failures' 😂. Can't see how it can be anything but a poor decision to have a baby when you can't even support yourself. 🤷‍♀️