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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

136 replies

verazayac · 11/10/2022 12:15

...even if he's with his gay.

Just been to the shopping centre with toddler DD, she told me she needs the toilet so I took her, the women’s toilets are in a different place to the men's, I saw 2 girls with a teenage boy, I would guess between 16-18, they told him to go in with them as they didn't know where the men’s toilets were and told him he's gay and with friends anyway so he can't be accused of being a creep. I was a bit Hmm, I hurried DD and whilst we were washing our hands a few women did come in and look at him but didn't say anything.

Aibu to think he shouldn't have gone in the women's toilets even if he's gay and with friends?

OP posts:
Plumbear2 · 11/10/2022 12:20

No he shouldn't have been there. My son's used to come in with me but that stopped once they where around 7.

Motnight · 11/10/2022 12:20

With his gay?!

Patienceisntvirtuous · 11/10/2022 12:23

Motnight · 11/10/2022 12:20

With his gay?!

This. 'I'm with my gay' Your gay what?!

Sorry OP, I think I agree with you but this has just made me laugh. Grin

Thefailinghousewife · 11/10/2022 12:24

Depending on the location I still bring my son in the loos with me - he’s 10. In all honesty it would depend on their attitude for me, if he was genuinely concerned about using the blokes loos as he was not very confident without his friends then it wouldn’t bother me at all. If they were cocky teens and being confrontational then I’d be a lot less happy about it!

Thegreenballoon · 11/10/2022 12:27

Oh quit with the goady title, that’s not “boys” that’s “men” and in that particular instance completely inappropriate. I take my 9 year old disabled son into the ladies because there’s absolutely no way he’s going into the mens alone, but fairly soon and certainly well before he’s 16 if he still needs help we’ll have to start using disabled cubicles. But banning all boys is ridiculous as you’ll discover if you ever have a toddler son!

NightmareSlashDelightful · 11/10/2022 12:36

This is a bit confusing.

What do you mean, 'he's with his gay'? Who is the 'he' who was with the gay teenager?

And how old were the girls? If he was minding/looking after a couple of little kids I wouldn't bat an eyelid, to be honest. Might be a bit different if they were all teenagers.

If they were all teens, I think I'd be more annoyed at the girls, really. By the sounds of it (and I'm afraid your OP is a bit confusing so apologies if I've read this wrong) they were the ones who blithely issued an open invitation to the women's loos. He might not even have wanted to go in himself; he may have felt some peer pressure to go in because he was with two people who told him to go in.

Soubriquet · 11/10/2022 12:37

No. At 16 he should be outside waiting. No one cares if he’s gay or not.

Older than 12 I think can stay outside

TwoWrightFeet · 11/10/2022 12:37

Do you seriously think anyone on MN is going to disagree with you?

Gotskeaswr · 11/10/2022 12:38

The kid is gay? Then no, he should go to the mens. In a gay bar/club/ venue it wouldn’t matter but not in a shopping centre. And I’m gay myself.

Live4weekend · 11/10/2022 12:40

They are youngsters. They probably have gender neutral toilets in school so think it's the norm.

Is it making things a lot less safe for women and girls- yes.

But this is what happens when boundaries are ignored.

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/10/2022 12:42

Women's toilets are for girls and women - there isn't a 'blokes who are gay can use them too' clause.

Men have their own toilets. We have the right not to be faced with men - HOWEVER "safe" their female mates think they are - in our toilets.

Mothers taking their primary age male children (insert also: or women currently in charge of a primary age male child) into the women's with them is an entirely separate issue.

PugInTheHouse · 11/10/2022 12:43

Absolutely should not be in there. No need for boys 9/10 upwards to be in the ladies toilet at all in most circumstances.

CrossStichQueen · 11/10/2022 12:44

No of course he shouldn't. Any boy over the age of about 8 in my view should not be using female facilities.
Sadly all of the teenagers in this showed no respect for the women and girls using the toilet and I would have polity told them so.

Ithoughtthiswastherehearsal · 11/10/2022 12:49

Under age 10 it’s fine and often necessary to protect boys from sexual assault in the men’s loo 😭

Over age 10ish (depending on the child) then no they shouldn’t be in the ladies.

It’s irrelevant that he’s gay, the girls had no right to make other women uncomfortable because they couldn’t be bothered to wait while he looked for the men’s loo.

This would never have happened before all the transgender lobbying nonsense.

Angelinflipflops · 11/10/2022 12:50

Are boys getting attacked in men's toilets a big problem?

Untitledsquatboulder · 11/10/2022 12:53

Gay men are just as much men as straight ones. So of course should use the mens facilities. And of course the vast majority do, I don't think gsy men in womens toilets is generally a trend.

Untitledsquatboulder · 11/10/2022 12:54

Angelinflipflops · 11/10/2022 12:50

Are boys getting attacked in men's toilets a big problem?

Define "big". It certainly happens.

Topseyt123 · 11/10/2022 12:54

No, a young man (including teenage boys) should not be in the ladies' toilets.

What does "with his gay" mean? He is gay, but is out with the girls and not his gay partner? He should still use the mens' toilets.

hesbeingabitofadick · 11/10/2022 12:56

Not a chance should he be in there.
I'd have reported to security.

TheUsualChaos · 11/10/2022 12:57

No he shouldn't have been in there but kids are being given such confusing messages at school and through social media now that I can see how the boundaries are becoming so blurred to them. It's concerning.

5zeds · 11/10/2022 12:57

Well obviously he shouldn’t be in the womens toilets because women doesn’t mean “fancies men” does it? If the toilet was for people who like having sex with men it would say so. It’s for women and children just as the mens is for men and children.

TheOrigRights · 11/10/2022 12:58

Geez, it's quite clear what "with his gay" is meant to say if you read the whole post.

Anyway, I am very surprised this young man was happy to enter the women's toilet. I would think most boys above about 9 or 10 would feel quite uncomfortable.
And of course he shouldn't have been in there. I would have challenged him.

PoundShopPrincess · 11/10/2022 12:58

I think OP meant even if he's gay and with his female friends.
He's not a boy. He's a man. He should be in the men's toilets.

Actual boys ie children - it's ok to be in with toilets with their DM or female relative.

But everyone knows this. It's only idiots that pretend they don't understand the rules. There has been consensus on where everyone goes for hundreds of years.

Clymene · 11/10/2022 13:00

Yes teenage boys have been assaulted in men's toilets. But women and girls are not human shields for vulnerable men and boys

TheUsualChaos · 11/10/2022 13:01

By their logic, it would mean that similarly it is perfectly fine and safe for lesbians to use the men's toilets and no one would take any notice.

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