To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

[verazayac]

...even if he's with his gay.

Just been to the shopping centre with toddler DD, she told me she needs the toilet so I took her, the women’s toilets are in a different place to the men's, I saw 2 girls with a teenage boy, I would guess between 16-18, they told him to go in with them as they didn't know where the men’s toilets were and told him he's gay and with friends anyway so he can't be accused of being a creep. I was a bit , I hurried DD and whilst we were washing our hands a few women did come in and look at him but didn't say anything.

Aibu to think he shouldn't have gone in the women's toilets even if he's gay and with friends?

If a gay teen (male) isn't allowed in the women's loos then why are teenaged boys/ men who 'identify as women'? We're all seemingly pretty clear on the fact that men are still men regardless of their sexuality so this should be extended to their identity.

Furthermore - if gay men aren't allowed to use the women's even if they feel safer in the women's loos, why do men who identify as women get an extra special pass? Isn't this both sexist and homophobic?

If the men's bathrooms are a source of danger for gay men and men who 'identify as women' then shouldn't there be a huge 'BEEEE KIND' campaign delivered at men? Why are women expected to no longer have single sex spaces instead?

I agree with this though.

Adults and teenagers with penises shouldn't be in the women's. That's it.

Your title is misleading as boys definitely should be allowed but to a certain age where they can't go alone.

I can't imagine anyone on MN is going to disagree that a teenage boy shouldn't go in the women's.

I'm with my gay all the time. It's a rare occasion I leave it at home.

Of course he shouldn’t have been there and his friends shouldn’t have encouraged him to come in, but I think you were being a bit ridiculous to be hurrying your daughter out of there because of his presence. Sounds like they were teenagers just messing around and not bothering to find the men’s loos for him, I’m not sure what need there was to panic and hurry out.

Are emotional support gays a thing now??

Isn't he mature enough to find the toilets himself?

Why does he need the labour of women to help him find them or a suitable alternative?

Who made these girls feel they could overrule and dictate to other women about who was allowed in the womens? Did they think that they were being inclusive in potentially upsetting others on a number of levels including religious?

Sorry, but not ok and they need challenging. Its not up to them to make that decision and that lad needs to remove his head from his arse.

I have a young son. Id say a boy of 8/9/10 is more vulnerable in the mens toilets on his own than he is a threat to girls or women in the female toilets.

My son probably went in the Mens from about 9 or 10 but I waited outside feeling very uneasy about it.

Thats a bit different to being 17 and too stupid/lazy to find the men's and needing support females to look after your weeing needs isn't it?

A bloke of 16 - 18 has no business in the Ladies , his sexuality is irrelevant.

If 18 is OK then why not 19? Or a 23 year old who looks younger . And so on absurdly. Just ....No.

Yanbu that is ridiculous and I absolutely would have said something to them

This is not at all relevant to the topic being discussed. I'm of course sorry that adequate provision isn't always made for you and your son.

It's an answer to the question asked though. I did go on to agree that this boy/man should not have been in the ladies' toilets. Though, as pp says, maybe they have been conditioned to believe that's perfectly OK.

Men should not be using women’s toilets. Full stop.

Based on what you overheard, it sounds like he wanted to find and use the men's toilets but his friends couldn't be bothered to wait for him. So it was a matter of convenience/laziness - similar logic to justifying stealing something I want or need because I'm in a hurry and expect it would take too long to stand in the queue to pay for it.

No male person should be in toilets specifically designated for women, with the possible exception of (1) a cleaner who announces that he's coming in to clean and allows anyone inside time to leave or (2) a child small enough to go into the stall with his mother/carer or to have her wait outside the stall so the child isn't left unattended.

Sexual orientation is irrelevant to use of women's or men's toilets. It sounds like the girls were using similar logic to grown women who insist that they know their own husband/boyfriend/partner and can vouch that he's not dangerous or creepy so it's OK for him to use facilities set aside specifically for women and girls. (See also: "not my Nigel!"/ NMN). It's not OK. But the group you overheard didn't really think it was OK, or they wouldn't have been coming up with excuses to justify it.

No, a teenage boy should not be in the women's lavatories.

Yes, I agree. We all know he technically shouldn't have been in there, but in this exact situation, a gay teenage boy tagging along with two female friends being a bit daft and encouraging him to join them, I just can't really get worked up. If it had been a lone teenage boy coming in I certainly would have said something.

They probably have unisex toilets at school and don't see it as a huge deal. The dramatics are a bit much.

I expected this thread to be about male children with their mothers (in which case I wouldn't bat an eyelid up to age 10 or so, after they should be using the men's if able to on their own).

Of course a man should not be the women's toilets and sexuality has nothing to do with it (by that logic, should lesbians be using the men's toilets?)

If you didn't talk to him about it, why would you expect anyone else to?

In Pizza Express probably not. In some horrid toilets in a park used by drug addicts, possibly.

Tbh, I still take my DS (9) into the ladies with me. My sister commented on this recently but boys are at risk from predators too. If we are out with DH then he will accompany DS, I feel safer this way but do realise he will be going off independently soon.

Ideally - all toilets to be rows of cubicles with a sink inside and a lockable door. No communal area at all. Maybe a few that are 'family sized', just like changing rooms so a parent can go in when they are out alone with a small army of children.

I clicked on this thinking that it was going to be about a woman bringing her young son into the toilets with her. Definitely very weird and innapropriate for a teenager. Although I did use the mens toilets once as a teenager because there was no queue and I was absolutely bursting. Big queue for the ladies.

But yes responding to pp's I take my 6 year old son into female toilets/changing rooms with me and wouldn't feel safe sending him into the mens unaccompanied. I don't understand how anyone doesn't know this is a thing.