To think boys shouldn't be in women's toilets

[verazayac]

...even if he's with his gay.

Just been to the shopping centre with toddler DD, she told me she needs the toilet so I took her, the women’s toilets are in a different place to the men's, I saw 2 girls with a teenage boy, I would guess between 16-18, they told him to go in with them as they didn't know where the men’s toilets were and told him he's gay and with friends anyway so he can't be accused of being a creep. I was a bit , I hurried DD and whilst we were washing our hands a few women did come in and look at him but didn't say anything.

Aibu to think he shouldn't have gone in the women's toilets even if he's gay and with friends?

This just sounds like some silly teenagers making a poor choice, as they as known to do, rather than some kind of trend? They weren't being threatening, just friends going to the loo together like teenagers do and attempting to pass off the fact they’d dragged their male friend into the ladies loo by telling you he’s gay. It’s probably not even something they’ll do again let alone anyone else.

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Are you alright there kath? Do you need to sit down?!

Wouldn't bother me if I'd heard that convo.

It doesn't matter if he was gay. If gay teens and men were permitted to use the women's toilets, then what's to stop a predatory man saying he's gay, if challenged? No men in women's loos. No exceptions.

Well, it can be a bit of a trope. 'Gay pet syndrome'. Girls (and sometimes women) will welcome a gay boy or man into their friendship group because he will be seen as safe and unthreatening (and largely unsexual) compared to straight boys. Think Stanford in Sex and the City; he was a good example of this trope on TV.

It's not a role that many gay men especially enjoy, to be fair. But it can be easy for a younger, less experienced gay man to get drawn into it because it often feels like the only acceptance that he will experience.

It happens a lot less than it used to because most women get that gay men aren't there to be their fashion accessory. But it is still, occasionally, A Thing.

None of that negates the fact that this particular boy shouldn't have been in the ladies'.

But it sounds like he didn't really want to be, and only went in because of peer pressure. Which isn't an excuse, but it's certainly context.

Title should read men shouldn't be in womens toilets.

if he was genuinely concerned about using the blokes loos as he was not very confident without his friends then it wouldn’t bother me at all

Really?? Not confident enough to have a wee in the appropriate sexed toilet at the age of around 16-18!

That's a stretch.

If someone that age is scared to used the appropriate toilet, then they really shouldn't be out in public without their parents.

Exactly. People with penises past puberty (PPPPs) must PP in the men's toilet or a unisex one. Perhaps we need to change the sign to avoid their confusion and clear things up for them. How about this? 🤣

There may be a specific reason eg he's been harassed by other teens in that mall, his female friends are being very protective, but no he shouldn't be there.

There is though genuine reasons sometimes- dp had to take dsd into the ladies this week, adult with severe ld's, because there was no disabled toilet and no sanitary bin in the gents, I stood outside to warn any women, there weren't any though. In this case two gender neutral toilets, one with disability access would be better, than a gents with tiny cubicle and urinal, and a single larger cubicle in the womens.

YANBU. A male child going into the women's toilets with his mum is fine. A teenager old enough to be out and about with his mates is old enough to find the men's toilet in a shopping centre and go by himself. Being straight or gay makes no difference whatsoever; he shouldn't have been in the women's toilets.

He shouldn't have been there but my DS is 9 and very tall. I feel like someone is going to say something soon enough. I certainly don't feel comfortable sending him on his own into the men's. It's a relief when we are with his dad. Like a previous pp I will probably be hovering outside feeling very uneasy. They are still vulnerable.

There is a gay boy in Year 11 who always uses the girls' toilets at a local secondary school near me. Because he's "safe". (Actually he is a horrendous bully, if I was at the school I'd rather use the boys' then be anywhere near him).

What do they say, "the safe ones stay out, so the unsafe stand out".

Ask this question on Twitter, and you will ignite a skipfire that burns to midnight and beyond.

But in the world of reasonable humans, no, grown-ass people of the male sex ought not to be in women's toilets unless they are a) a doctor or nurse giving first aid, b) a father with a v sick daughter or c) a plumber dealing with an emergency, like water flying out of a tap. None of those scenarios would bother me, but I don't think 'being gay' is convincing grounds. YANBU.

There may be a specific reason eg he's been harassed by other teens in that mall, his female friends are being very protective, but no he shouldn't be there.

So women don't deserve to have male free spaces because men are mean to other males?

Sorry but women are not support humans.

I think you're being rather generous dimensionally there...

MY dS is 8 and it depends on the situation. Sometimes I let him use the gents and other times he comes in with me.

He still looks like a wee boy so get away with it easier but i don't feel he is ready to be on his own yet in some places.

Whereas with DD I have happily let her use ladies on her own for longer. And it's a long time since her dad took her to the toilet when out. Younger than DS is now.

Was he doing anything dodgy or just going for a pee? To think in france women and men use the same loos all the time the shock and horror of some on here . Why would you hurry out unless he was being dodgy?

I think once they are secondary school age, they shouldn’t be allowed in the girls toilets

MY dS is 8 and it depends on the situation. Sometimes I let him use the gents and other times he comes in with me.

That seems reasonable to me. I remember taking my eldest into the women's toilets with me when he was 7. While he was drying his hands, a woman walked in with her similarly aged daughter, clocked DS, and walked straight back out. I'm not quite sure what her issue was! But teenagers? - abso-bloody-lutely not.

He was in the womens toilets. There was no reason for him to be in there. We're not in France and we're entitled to single sex space.

Can you goady bunch stick to your own forum for once.

I remember a similar question coming up about boys in women's changing rooms at swimming. And by boys, I mean 8/9yo. It was a resounding 'he should be in the men's changing room' on the basis that although he wasn't pubescent, some girls of the same age will be, and consequently valued their privacy. I remember at the time thinking 'my son is this age. Would I be happy with him going into a men's changing room alone?' No I wouldn't. But it really made me think about how men's/ boys' rights usually tend to trump women's. Why should a pubescent girl be forced to share a changing room with a boy? But what is the answer?

But 16-18yo?! Come on. What possible reason could there be? No, not ok. Of course teenagers prank and do silly things, but in this situation they needed educating. Their discomfort/ needs do not trump the discomfort/ needs of girls and women.