I'm interested to see if the way I am feeling is just me, or others feel a similar way.
My mum died many years ago, and my dad remarried. He then spent all his time with her, and her DC. They have babysat GC, given money to her DC for things they needed, and been on annual holidays with them. They have done none of this for me or my siblings. They have not babysat for me once. My DC have near to zero relationship with them.
PIL have also not done anything for us. They babysat twice. The second time was 15 years ago when my DH was best man at a friends wedding and MIL started playing mind games with us saying right up until the morning that she hadn't decided if she wanted to help us out yet, and so I never asked her again. My PIL have pleaded poverty for decades and never once helped out my DH with anything. However, when it comes to his sibling, they have been given massive amounts of help both financially and practically. For example, PIL were too broke to donate anything to our wedding, but gave sibling £20K.
If you ask my DC, who are all now in their teens, they aren't fussed about either set of GP's which is sad, but it is what it is. As mine get older I feel a sense of relief that I no longer have to beg, borrow and steal when I need a bit of help. And, I have needed help at times. My DH has been great, but he works long hours and I have to do all the childcare.
Fast forward to now and both sides of the GP's are late 70's. The family and my SM direct my dad to me with any ailment or upset he has. Apparently SM is not able to deal with him. If he has a bug, apparently I should drive over to stay and look after him, as its too much for SM. I'm not good enough to spend Christmas with, but when it comes to being a carer, it's my duty. When I pushed back on this once, I was told that I was burning my bridges with the family. The thing is, those bridges don't exist in the first place. If I need a bridge, they aren't going to lower it for me to walk over.
On the other side my MIL seems to have this attitude that if you are elderly you are deserving in massive respect on the level of an ageing monarch, and we should be spending as much time with them as possible, and sympathising with every ailment they have. I was asked to drive them to an international airport recently as it is too much for them, and I said no as I was too busy. They have also asked us to go on holidays with them and I have told my DH, who would have agreed out of FOG, that I am not going.
I know that the above sounds a bit heartless but I just don't see myself doing lots of things for them. I used to invite them and include them in things. I asked my dad every Christmas for 22 years and he has not accepted one. My PIL only come here for Christmas if there is no better offer. I see both sets of GP every few months, which is what they set years ago, not me. However, now I/we get called up and told they never see anyone, no one comes near them, no one visits their house and this annoys me and I feel a bit guilty. I think that it is only going to get more demanding as well.
Once my DC are older, I will have more free time and I want to enjoy it. I am looking forward to it. I have already started to add things into my life that I have not been able to do in the past. I have lots of great friends. I am happy with the level of contact I have with GP's but from their side, it is not enough. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't feel that I owe them anything and I am not prepared to spend more than a bit of my time doing things for them.
Is this U and does anyone else who has had similar feel like this? I reflect on what I have written and I think, jeez, what a cow.