Big age gap. Is it love or a red flag?

[Noteverybodylives]

I will stay as neutral as possible as I genuinely want peoples true opinions.

Person A and person B are in a relationship.

Person A is young, very good looking, has a good body and has 1 young child.

Person B is not good looking, does not have a good body and has a teenager and older child.

Why would person A want to be with person B?

Person A could have their pick but has chosen person B who would struggle to find anyone half decent.

Person B is not rich.

What could it be?
Could it actually be love or do your alarm bells start ringing?

YABU - of course it’s probably love.
YANBU - no it sounds like something other than love.

So why are you involved? As other posters have mentioned, you sound like your too involved with other peoples business and very unprofessional.

You have also claimed that you could get sacked for your views, so that tell me you are not in the right profession.

OMG am I really getting drawn into this again. You specifically said you work with this girl and had a safeguarding responsibility. Want me to copy and paste those bits too??

Nothing about the swearing OP, it's the manner in which you talk about people who you say you have responsibility for in your professional capacity.

Nope.

You said it’s the manner in how I speak about this girl, yet quoted what I said about her mum - show me one time when I’ve said anything negative about this girl because I haven’t and never would.

Please quote me then, as you are a complete liar and you know it.

@catell01 I think any one who goes against the OP is a troll, makes me think this is a vendetta against this poor family.

So why are you involved? As other posters have mentioned, you sound like your too involved with other peoples business and very unprofessional.

Surely if you have a safeguarding concern it’s your duty to report it, whether you are a headteacher, parent or bus driver?

Fortunately, I am not the type of person to just turn a blind eye if I think a child could be at risk.

Lots of people are aware of their background, it’s no secret and we are all aware of much more than what’s been said on here.
Unfortunately, this isn’t a unique situation but even if it is identifying then it’s nothing that no one doesn’t know
If my colleagues see this (and I’m hoping they do) then great because it means I’ve put my genuine concerns out there without putting myself at risk.

you do realise the statements dont support each other? Why would colleagues have to read about it on MN If everyone already knows about it? why are you hoping they'll find out this way? And I thought you said you'd logged/reported it anyway...

What safe guarding concerns? All you have provided is a feeling you don't like some one and the fact you don't like the age gap.

Also your descriptions of them, is very unprofessional and demeaning, on top of this why are you listing safeguarding concerns that are sensitive to this case if proved true on a public forum such as MumsNet.

Is this what Safeguarding is to you post about it on an open forum with easily identifiable details about the couple. Very very unprofessional.

OK OP, well done to you! Hope you feel vindicated. BUT I think anyone else reading this thread will understand exactly what I meant by saying the way you were describing anyone (who you yourself has stated you think has MH issues) in such a way, for a professional person (or any person) was absolutely disgusting.

But if you want to claim a small, insignificant 'win' on this point, then go ahead.

@Noteverybodylives wish I knew you OP I'd be reporting you to your employer. 🤬

you do realise the statements dont support each other? Why would colleagues have to read about it on MN If everyone already knows about it? why are you hoping they'll find out this way? And I thought you said you'd logged/reported it anyway...

😂😂

I’ll say it again because you’re continuing to play dumb -

They know about everything.
I have reported everything.

APART from my concerns surrounding his age/looks.

That ok now??

What safe guarding concerns? All you have provided is a feeling you don't like some one and the fact you don't like the age gap.

Have you RTFT?

If so you’ll see there are massive safeguarding concerns but this is an extra thing that has me concerned but I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking it or not.

I accepted on the first page that I was BU.

So you have reported them and been very selective about what you have chosen to say, so may say that immoral and falsifying your so called facts. You have chosen to emit vital information regarding your own nasty bias.

wish I knew you OP I'd be reporting you to your employer.

Why because I have a safeguarding concern 🤔

Just going on your first post I was going to say that you've talked about looks but love is about far more than that. It's the person that matters. Looks only go so far. You need shared values, things in common etc.

Having read all your other posts it sounds more worrying. The older person isn't wealthy but they have a roof over their head. Is the younger person getting free room and board? Is the older person their route to access the daughter would be another concern. Or is the younger person the one being exploited by an older person and put into a living situation that isn't in their best interests. Etc.

I do think this is a situation that you should be concerned about and want to keep an eye on because there are many unpleasant possibilities.

You have chosen to emit vital information regarding your own nasty bias.

Nope. Wrong again.

I chose to emit my concerns surrounding his age and my gut feeling of predator/cuckooing as this was based on a gut feeling and no actual evidence.

But it has been playing on my mind and I’ve been struggling to sleep over it, so I thought I’d get advice from the lovely MNers who are always so friendly and concerned about safeguarding.

I cannot report the fact he’s younger and good looking as a concern and going by the replies on here I would be at risk of losing my job if I did.

Ring any bells, some of the things you have said on this tread about them is disgusting.

Haha, god, this is such fun. Youre so good at banter OP. We're in danger of becoming BFFs if you insist on being so warm and fuzzy.

So, let's get this right. You know, what with me being a liitle slow and stuff. All your colleagues know about the logs/reports you've made but they don't know about your views about the age gap and attractiveness differences and you're HOPING they read about these 'concerns' here on MN so they get the full picture without you having to voice them IRL. Yeah, you're right, that makes perfect sense.

You've really brought be around to your way of thinking and I now have no concerns about your abilities to carry out your job(s) with vulnerable people in a fair, non-judgemental, safe manner. Teaching obviously was definitely the right career choice for you as you explain things really well

Just going on your first post I was going to say that you've talked about looks but love is about far more than that. It's the person that matters. Looks only go so far. You need shared values, things in common etc.

Having read all your other posts it sounds more worrying. The older person isn't wealthy but they have a roof over their head. Is the younger person getting free room and board? Is the older person their route to access the daughter would be another concern. Or is the younger person the one being exploited by an older person and put into a living situation that isn't in their best interests. Etc.

Yes my OP was vague for a reason and I understand that it rubbed many posters up the wrong way.
But I didn’t want to sway anyones opinion.

The younger man doesn’t work so I would assume doesn’t pay rent or board.

Although he did buy the family a big food shop which did make him go up in my opinion, yet it made my colleague suspicious.

So I guess red flags depend on each individual person.

You've really brought be around to your way of thinking and I now have no concerns about your abilities to carry out your job(s) with vulnerable people in a fair, non-judgemental, safe manner. Teaching obviously was definitely the right career choice for you as you explain things really well

Thank you.

Ring any bells, some of the things you have said on this tread about them is disgusting.

I’ve not said anything disgusting about the child or my colleagues - not sure where you’ve got that from.

But I agree that I won’t voice my concerns over this until I have actual evidence.

Thanks for your input.

Although he did buy the family a big food shop which did make him go up in my opinion, yet it made my colleague suspicious.

Oh it just keeps getting better. Where the fuck do you work? Is this the kind of care our tax money is paying for for the most vulnerable people in our society?

But I agree that I won’t voice my concerns over this until I have actual evidence.

Surely this is a wild up? Has Jeremy Beadle risen from the dead? Are we all going to be in DM as the most gullible people on MN?

Oh it just keeps getting better. Where the fuck do you work? Is this the kind of care our tax money is paying for for the most vulnerable people in our society?

Dropping the old ‘tax payers money’ - good one.

Sounds like you work for the daily fail the way you kept trying to twist my words.

Please enlighten me with how you now have an issue with what you’ve just quoted.

Keep trying love, you might catch me out one day.

Me saying someone is older, has a worse body and less attractive than their partner isn’t agest or body shaming - it’s literally fact.

The only literal "fact" there is the fact one is older. What constitutes a better or "worse body" and who is more or "less attractive" is your opinion. Not fact.

You need to understand that who and what people find attractive is subjective, not objective. You don't have to understand or agree with it. Nor should you base professional judgements on your personal opinions.

Surely this is a wild up? Has Jeremy Beadle risen from the dead? Are we all going to be in DM as the most gullible people on MN?

This is what everyone has told me to do!!

Are you now saying that I should raise a concern over it?

@Noteverybodylives Lets have a look at some of the highlights of your posting in this thread, shall we.

"person B has a permanent humpback and walks hunched over with a cane - not bring nasty but just trying to give more detail.

Yes they are physically disabled and probably has some MH issues, although I don’t know.

The younger one may also be vulnerable or have had abusive relationships but I don’t know their past enough.

I sound very ageist and like I care about looks which is not true but it’s hard to explain unless you saw them together.

Me saying the mum is a shit mum and puts her vagina before her daughter would be being nice.

No she has never worked (that I know of) so gets benefits and is in social housing.

The only thing I really have is the age gap and opposites in looks.

But seeing him, first from afar and then much closer - straight away set my alarm bells off.

I have been looking out for red flags with the teenager but nothing has come up yet.

The DD is 14 but I’d say has a mental age of about 10/11."

Wow so how much of this is fact and how much have you decided is truth with no evidence? there seems to be a lot of I don't know and not that I know of. Also you seem to detest both him and the mother. There are so many assumptions I'm pretty sure you have no idea what is real and what is not.

You seem obsessed as well as ageist , ableist and a body shameer.