Big age gap. Is it love or a red flag?

[Noteverybodylives]

I will stay as neutral as possible as I genuinely want peoples true opinions.

Person A and person B are in a relationship.

Person A is young, very good looking, has a good body and has 1 young child.

Person B is not good looking, does not have a good body and has a teenager and older child.

Why would person A want to be with person B?

Person A could have their pick but has chosen person B who would struggle to find anyone half decent.

Person B is not rich.

What could it be?
Could it actually be love or do your alarm bells start ringing?

YABU - of course it’s probably love.
YANBU - no it sounds like something other than love.

Yes, he should defo go for you instead. 😉

Yes, he should defo go for you instead.

Lol pls RTFT.

I am not after him myself.

I am concerned of his intentions and the impact this may have on a teenage girl.

The only thing I really have is the age gap
and opposites in looks

Yeah, totally, nothing else to go on at all. The delusions about pregnancies, her vulnerability and her MH issues aren't red flags at all, are they? The only weird thing about this is how hot his body is.

That's if this is true. Which it obviously isn't. 😂

It's true that there are cases where men target vulnerable women with the primary intention of sexually abusing the woman's children.

But that also doesn't appear to be what the OP is concerned about. In fact, I can't tell what their concern is exactly.

Person A be dating a Discord mod, most likely he's a sex offender. Please report that pillock to the authorities

I cannot report someone for being a sex offender if I have no proof they are one though.

He’s literally just a lot younger than mum and much better looking - which isn’t something I can report without sounding very ageist which PPs have confirmed.

I work with the mums teenage DD who has been SA before and this is what we talk about a lot and nothing suspicious has come up about his behaviour towards her yet.

@Noteverybodylives

I cannot report someone for being a sex offender if I have no proof they are one though.

He’s literally just a lot younger than mum and much better looking - which isn’t something I can report without sounding very ageist which PPs have confirmed.

I work with the mums teenage DD who has been SA before and this is what we talk about a lot and nothing suspicious has come up about his behaviour towards her yet.

I am concerned of his intentions and the impact this may have on a teenage girl

So why exactly couldn't you have said this before? Why drip, drip, drip.

And absolutely no-one has suggested you report anyone for being young and attractive, have they? You're the one who said you might raise concerns but don't have anything to go on except looks and age. If you were really that concerned, you can anonymously raise concerns, laying out all your reasons - you know, the real worrying stuff like their vulnerability the DC's history etc. Why on earth do you have to mention fit bodies, attractiveness or any of the sort.

I hope when you say you work with DC, you honestly don't mean you work with them in any capacity as a therapist or MH professional. That would be totally alarming to me. I hope you mean you work on the tills in Asda together or something. And I hope, wherever you work, your keeping her confidences as confidential and not blurring it all out to all and sundry

Gosh, you took so long to get to your point! Of course, it is a concern about the teenage daughter. Frankly, I consider all new men a danger to the children, teen or younger, of their new partners until proven otherwise. The fact he is a young attractive man with an unattractive much older woman does raise alarm. I suppose the good news is there are no toddlers or young children involved in this scenario; at least the teenage daughter can speak up/tell you.

This thread is really bizarre .

Why on earth do you have to mention fit bodies, attractiveness or any of the sort.

Because that is what I’m concerned about though.
Which is what I’ve said all along.

It’s the fact that this man who is young and attractive is with this women.

If this was a much older, less attractive man then I wouldn’t have the concerns that I do as I’d feel they are more likely to just be a couple who met naturally.

This feels like someone who has other intentions.
Whether that’s to do with the teen, cuckooing or just for a place to stay.
I don’t know which is why I started a thread and I can see that I am BU.

Of course I have raised concerns over a new man entering the house of a vulnerable teen but I cannot report the fact he’s younger and good looking as a concern and going by the replies on here I would be at risk of losing my job if I did as I would be labelled all sorts.

And I hope, wherever you work, your keeping her confidences as confidential and not blurring it all out to all and sundry

Of course which is why I have tried not to mentioned her too much.

The entire thread I have said I am suspicious of his intentions and I mentioned in my OP that they both have children.

I’ve not drip fed at all, apart from withholding details that are confidential or because I wanted unbiased opinions.

I don’t need to report her history as it’s already known.

I’ve logged a report about the new man which I would have done anyway for someone like her but it’s the fact that he’s so young and good looking which is setting my alarm bells off.

However, going by the replies this isn’t setting alarm bells off for others and I’m just overthinking things because I obviously know the details of the girls past and therefore I am probably being over protective.

I have said that I am BU but posters on here are still being so rude, even though they knew my reasons for posting was out of concern that this new man has other intentions.
I guess that MN for you.

Its hard to give an unbiased opinion without all the facts though, especially when they are very relevant.
It's like asking if we think a chair looks comfortable , we all say yes and then you mention that it's got nails sticking out of it.

Exactly. The original post missed out literally every salient point. And the OP is now interpreting people's responses to the original post as "Ok, so nobody has concerns about the age gap".

There are a while heap of concerns, it's just that the OP breezily dismisses them as irrelevant.

Attractiveness genuinely is irrelevant here. If an unattractive man moved in with a disabled, mentally vulnerable woman in her 50s and her very vulnerable teen daughter after only a few mths, and started "trying for a baby" with the mum, resulting in a series of what are obviously faked/fantasy pregnancies/miscarriages - I'd be really concerned about WTF was going on. Even if he had no bad intentions towards the teen, it's not a healthy environment.

Plenty there that is concerning regardless of how hot the man's body is.

Its hard to give an unbiased opinion without all the facts though, especially when they are very relevant.

Which I appreciate but me knowing all of the facts sways my opinion which is why I wanted to know how others felt without knowing them.

Of course I am concerned that there is a new man in the house - regardless of looks.

But my concerns grow because of his age and looks, compared to his new partner - this is the bit where I am trying to see if I am unreasonable or not and the general opinion is that I am BU to think his age or looks has anything to do with it, which I accept.

And the fact that the OP doesn't recognise any of the above makes me doubt that she really is working with the daughter in any kind of professional support context. Because a professional would recognise that stuff, surely?

If not, we have a serious problem with the training of people working in that kind of role!

If not, we have a serious problem with the training of people working in that kind of role!

So I’ve started an entire thread saying how I have concerns about a man.

Yet all you’re doing is trying to find ways to insult me - well done you.

I just hope you don’t do that with anyone else who has concerns over a man.

You've logged a report about him? To whom?

I was in a relationship with a big age gap until a few months ago.
I fell hard 100% based on his personality. We never ran out of things to talk about, he treated me like royalty - practically worshipped the ground I walked on. And without sounding crude, the sex was genuinely the best I’ve ever had.
Age didn’t even really come into it.

You have drip fed and changed your 'intentions' throughout the whole thread OP, you can't deny that. You only mentioned conce4n for the DC very late in. You made all of your original post about how unattractive B was. What on earth kind of response were you expecting, ffs?

Although you wanted to keep DC out of, you've given more and more information anyway, just in a ridiculously slow manner, which, for me, just makes it all seem a little false or fantastical.

You have real concerns? You have real reasons (apart from looks) to base those concerns on? So get yourself off MN and go do something about it IRL. Anonymously contact NSPCc or call your local social services office. Don't justify doing nothing because people on MN are saying you are being unreasonable and being nasty to you.

If this is real then I would be suspicious of his motives too.

An old school friend started dating an older man when she was 18. I’m talking 25 years older. Not great looking or wealth. We all felt it was really weird. Now they’re married and have been together 10 years.
2 of my other friends now who are late 20’s have partners pushing 60 and they seem very happy and in love

It completely changed my mindset on large gaps, although I know some large gaps are due to other reasons other than love, it is very possible to be in a real relationship with someone a lot older.

@Noteverybodylives kust ignore the trolls and gaslighting it’s on every thread on here.

Honestly I would look at this two ways.

Firstly if the lady has no children I would be concerned about his motives especially if one person is vulnerable but I doubt there wouldn’t be much you can do. And I don’t think telling them would work out either way.

Secondly the fact the lady has a younger daughter regardless of her age would really set alarm bells off.

Either way YANBU

So they're trying for a baby and have conceived several times despite being in her 50s. She's got no money, doesn't work, is physically disabled, isn't attractive but has moved in her hot young stud muffin very quickly.

Honestly my only thoughts from your perspective would be he's trying to get it on with the teenage daughter and using her as cover. How old is she?

Or he's vulnerable and she's exploited that by offering him a nurturing place to be mothered.

Hm. If it was a younger hot woman with an older male hunchback I’d say she has daddy issues / he makes her feels safe.

But it’s a young hot guy dating a much older hunchbacked woman with MH issues. That is a bit odd innit. I guess maybe he’s looking for help bringing up his child, or thinks she’s richer than she is, or maybe he just has mommy issues.