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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big age gap. Is it love or a red flag?

228 replies

Noteverybodylives · 10/10/2022 19:13

I will stay as neutral as possible as I genuinely want peoples true opinions.

Person A and person B are in a relationship.

Person A is young, very good looking, has a good body and has 1 young child.

Person B is not good looking, does not have a good body and has a teenager and older child.

Why would person A want to be with person B?

Person A could have their pick but has chosen person B who would struggle to find anyone half decent.

Person B is not rich.

What could it be?
Could it actually be love or do your alarm bells start ringing?

YABU - of course it’s probably love.
YANBU - no it sounds like something other than love.

OP posts:
SunshineClouds1 · 10/10/2022 19:15

Being good looking and having a nice body isn't the be all and end all you know.
You can't help who you fall for

Vapeyvapevape · 10/10/2022 19:15

Maybe they just really like each other , same interests, same values . If someone can make me laugh then their physical attractiveness increases , maybe it's something like that 🤷‍♀️

takealettermsjones · 10/10/2022 19:16

I mean it could be either, but I have to admit I giggled a little that this is supposed to be 'neutral' 😆

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/10/2022 19:17

Well it’s clear you’re trying to get posters to call A a gold digger and B an old perv who just wants some young flesh. But, maybe they love each other? I know a fair few ‘mismatched’ couples with one very good looking or wealthy member, the other not so. They’re very happy and have been together many years

Midnights · 10/10/2022 19:17

They might have a good personality? Perhaps they're not judgemental? I'm not sure! Looks aren't it for everyone.

CrushedPistachios · 10/10/2022 19:18

How young is young? I take it that if they’re old enough to be a parent then they are old enough to enter adult relationship, but obviously that’s not a complete given.

Dammitthisisshit · 10/10/2022 19:19

It depends how young person A is.
you’ll get lots of replies telling you to stay out of it (if you’re neither A nor B). But if the circumstances are unequal enough that one or other party is open to being manipulated then that’s not healthy.

but from your description you haven’t said age, just talked about bodies… and there’s nothing wrong with someone with a ‘good body’ liking someone who doesn’t.

TeenDivided · 10/10/2022 19:19

What do you call a big age gap?
There's 10 years between myself and DH, is that big?

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 10/10/2022 19:19

Cuppasoupmonster · 10/10/2022 19:17

Well it’s clear you’re trying to get posters to call A a gold digger and B an old perv who just wants some young flesh. But, maybe they love each other? I know a fair few ‘mismatched’ couples with one very good looking or wealthy member, the other not so. They’re very happy and have been together many years

Wouldnt B have to be wealthy for A to be a gold digger?

Maybe A has some issues in their past and is more comfortable with an older parent like partner

HangOnToYourself · 10/10/2022 19:20

Why are you so obsessed with looks?

Helpyou · 10/10/2022 19:21

I actually think person B is op and they are lacking in confidence. If this is the case, try to think more highly of yourself. Love is love.

TrickorTreacle · 10/10/2022 19:22

The rule on Mumsnet seems to be that if the female is the older one in an age gap then it's ok, but if the male is the older one, then it's abuse / taking advantage of the female etc.

Original poster
Noteverybodylives · 10/10/2022 19:23

Sorry ages aren’t an issue as they’re both consenting adults but should have put it in my OP.

Person A is late 20s (maybe early 30s).

Person B is 50s.

When I say I’m trying to stay neutral (which obviously I failed at) I just don’t want it to sound like I’m on either of their sides or if I’m one of them.

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 10/10/2022 19:25

I think you're person B

prisscalledwanda · 10/10/2022 19:26

How on earth can anyone reply to this when you've told us nothing about how they get on with each other, how they interact, etc? You've just told us kids ages and assessed their bodies, which isn't much to base a relationship on.

Summerhillsquare · 10/10/2022 19:27

Well that was me and exBF, without the kids. Funnily enough he seemed to like me.

Izwizi · 10/10/2022 19:28

Are you person B? Maybe she just likes you?!

Spendernone · 10/10/2022 19:31

What do you class as good body? Also why should this matter.

Are you saying some one who is more slender would not be able to love some one on the more larger side?

PurplePastaBake · 10/10/2022 19:32

YABU.
On paper me and OH are polar opposites in terms of interests and looks. We also have a 12 year age gap. But we just clicked the minute we met.
Unless you’re person A or B stop being so judgemental. If you’re person A or B stop questioning it and enjoy your relationship. It doesn’t have to look right to anyone else but the people involved.

Original poster
Noteverybodylives · 10/10/2022 19:38

Ok it looks like I am being U which is fair enough and why I wanted to get opinions.

I am not A or B I am an outsider so I can’t comment on what their relationship is like behind closed doors but it just doesn’t feel right to me.

Maybe I am subconsciously more into looks than I realised but I can’t think why someone who is very good looking would be with someone so the opposite.

When I say good body - they are both quite slim but person A is gym fit and would not be ashamed to show off their body and enjoy it, whilst person B has a permanent humpback and walks hunched over with a cane - not bring nasty but just trying to give more detail.

OP posts:
SunshineClouds1 · 10/10/2022 19:40

When I say good body - they are both quite slim but person A is gym fit and would not be ashamed to show off their body and enjoy it, whilst person B has a permanent humpback and walks hunched over with a cane - not bring nasty but just trying to give more detail

😂🙄

I'm assuming your a Victoria secrets model op

Vapeyvapevape · 10/10/2022 19:42

If you're not A or B then it's none of your business (and I think you've jumped the shark with the cane business)

Original poster
Noteverybodylives · 10/10/2022 19:46

I'm assuming your a Victoria secrets model op

No absolutely not but PPs were asking what I meant by good body and I was trying to explain.

I’m not being nasty to Person B at all. It’s pretty obvious that I am more suspicious of person As intentions, rather than just trying to have a dig at person B.

OP posts:
Maireas · 10/10/2022 19:49

Person A maybe likes you because of your personality, interests, demeanour, kindness? If you have anxiety about the relationship, just talk it through with them.
Not everyone is put off by physical impairments, or values gym attendance!

Anonymous48 · 10/10/2022 19:50

"Sorry ages aren’t an issue as they’re both consenting adults..."

Yet the title of your post is "Big age gap. Is it love or a red flag?"

So what exactly is your issue here?