Assault whilst in school

[Worriedschoolmum]

My 7yo has been sexually assaulted in school by another child. Not a mistake. The school has confirmed this but then told me it has been dealt with and that’s it. Ive been told for information purposes. I’ve asked for a meeting and for the children to be separated but no reply. What do I do now? My child is safe and seems quite calm about this. They acted admirably. No idea who the other child is or their background. It’s seems to have been dismissed given they are children but I’m not happy. If I grabbed another persons groin in work I’m sure I would be disciplined, if not sacked. Im going in tomorrow to speak to the safeguarding lead but what else can I do?

You can ask the school, has there been a formal safeguarding report to social services? You would like the reply confirmed in writing.

I would probably contact and notify SS myself . I'd also be contacting my MP and ask them to investigate the school's account of exactly what happened and how they dealt with it, AND, why you were only informed by message.

There are better ways of doing this (like reporting to social services) than announcing it in front of the whole school. OK yes, you are outing the abuser and now they know that people are aware that something might be going on and it might make them think twice. But you are also outing the child. The child has to suffer the consequences of that at school. School might have been the only place that child felt safe and happy but now all the other children will turn on the child because their parents have told them to keep keep away from them.

The abuser gets a short lived shock but the child suffers for the rest of their school life.

Yes actually, they are meant to be able to prevent ‘attacks’. You teach, you listen you do not other children sexually assault others.

It’s very simple and I don’t care how tight the budget is, how many staff you may need. If the children in your class are assaulting others that is on you.

OP remarked in their first post that if they had done this at work they would be disciplined or sacked, but that is irrelevant because you would not use adult consequences on a 7 year old child. OP has also said they want their child to have nothing to do with this child again. Which is impossible.

And I don’t think the posts whipping OP into a frenzy with outlandish suggestions such as shaming the child and their parents in front of everyone helps.

There's nothing outlandish about it.

Only on mumsnet are parents so passive.

The parents I know would raise hell.

Say there are two children sat at the back of the room, teacher is stood at the front teaching. Children’s laps are under the desks, one child suddenly grabs another child inappropriately out of the blue.

What should the teacher have done differently to stop that happening?

How is it possible to keep two children in the same year group, let alone the same class completely separate for 4 years?

What if a big group is playing a game in the playground, this child is playing and OPs child wants to join. Who has to be left out and who is going to be watching them both to do ordinate their non contact? Especially without singling them out and drawing attention to the issue.

And that’s leaving out the practicalities in the classroom.

You’re not being unkind at all. I’m just shocked at what’s happened. And how I was informed via a message when the other child and their parents have been spoken to by the head. But not me.

How do you know the other parents have been spoken to by the head?

Thank you everyone. Hopefully I’ll get some more information today when I speak to the teacher/head. It was a shock to receive an email at a time the school couldn’t be contacted so I couldn’t get any further information to help us deal with it.

I would ask the school if a MARF has been completed and sent the the local safeguarding hub.

They would tell OP that it is none of OP's business. A MARF will not have been completed for OP's child, and they don't need to know details of the other child's care.

You should care. It’s exactly the lack of funding and staff that makes children unsafe.

Perfect advice on how to act initially.

I’ve been contacted this morning and have an appt at 3pm. I’ve kept my child at home today until I know what has been put in place re safeguarding. Someone asked if I was in the NW, I’m not - I’m in Gloucestershire. Thank you for everyone’s help. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before so the advice/comments have been useful so I can prep for this afternoon.

I hope the meeting brings you some reassurance OP and I hope your child is alright today. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for your child not to sit next to the child that did this to them and for teachers to monitor the situation to make sure your child is not at risk again, but it's very unlikely that they will be looking at suspending a 7 year old or putting them in complete isolation. Your child might also need emotional support from the school depending on how they are, if they are confused at all and you could bring this up today.

Hopefully it's just a case of the other child needing to be talked to about respect and boundaries with other people's bodies and the parents will be good people and take action. Doing this at 7 doesn't nessacarily mean they will grow up to be a monster. I wouldn't publicly shame them like you have been advised above.

The school won't be able to tell you confidential information but you could ask if this behaviour warrants a call to social services and if the school have thought about this. If the other child is being abused then getting into trouble at school for this may have resulted in an even more terrible time at home when their parents were informed. Hopefully this isn't the case.

Sorry for the terrible time that you're having.

It's the big red 'do not press' button.

99 times out of 100, it's nothing more than impulse.

but you could ask if this behaviour warrants a call to social services

@Oneandone - I think anyone could tell you that the answer to this question is a resounding yes. The school should have done this already (by way of LADO/MASH). I would be following this up with the LA’s safeguarding team myself to ensure that everyone was on the same page.

To all the PPs defending the perpetrator, yes, their behaviour may well be a cry for help and that is tragic. However, if my child had been their victim, I would not be passive and forgiving, not by a long shot.

I hope your appointment goes well this afternoon OP,
Sadly this also happened to me when I was in primary school, again late 90s and not much was done...I understand the other child involved may be vulnerable but please make sure this doesnt overshadow your childs needs and feelings. They deserve to feel safe, and protected. The school have an obligation to protect them whilst in school hours, dont let them forget this. Being your childs advocate isnt always easy, but it's our job as parents. My mum didn't want to cause a fuss at the time, thank goodness your child has such a strong lioness in their corner!

@LindseyHoyleSpeaks

Please, this is a 7 y/o we are taking about. Whilst this is a sexual assault you cannot assume sexual motivation was behind the incident. Anyone with a boy around that age could find themselves in this situation. He needs a short sharp shock, not the weight of the authorities and labelling for the rest of his life.

@TheHoover - I hear you. But what about OP’s child? They didn’t ask to be in this position. Their future relationships could be affected long term as a result of this assault, in a similar way to PPs have mentioned upthread. I’m sorry but my own child would be my main concern, despite having a level of understanding for the perpetrator.

Except there’s literally zero you can do about the other kid. So the people telling the OP to ask for meetings with their parents or evidence of referrals are wasting their time.

Best wishes for the meeting

My guess is that there are safeguarding concerns about the other child’s family (and if there aren’t, there should be now, just based on this incident!) but that the school is unable to discuss them with you or even mention that they exist.

If it was me, I’d chat to DD to see if she is shrugging it off or if she eg wants to change classes / schools. Then I’d have a meeting with the head to discuss thise options if DD wants them. Realistically these children are going to meet on the playground and in class, there’s no point keeping them seperate at drop off.

I’d be inclined to change schools but much depends on how much your DD likes this school and on what your other options are. She might eg struggle to find friends a new school which would be more stressful for her than the assault.

Ugh what a crappy situation, I’m sorry OP.

I would also tell the other parents, as this boy may touch their daughters too, and if they’re forewarned the parents won’t dismiss it with a “oh I’m sure he didn’t mran to.”

Read the thread! OP was emailed.