Assault whilst in school

[Worriedschoolmum]

My 7yo has been sexually assaulted in school by another child. Not a mistake. The school has confirmed this but then told me it has been dealt with and that’s it. Ive been told for information purposes. I’ve asked for a meeting and for the children to be separated but no reply. What do I do now? My child is safe and seems quite calm about this. They acted admirably. No idea who the other child is or their background. It’s seems to have been dismissed given they are children but I’m not happy. If I grabbed another persons groin in work I’m sure I would be disciplined, if not sacked. Im going in tomorrow to speak to the safeguarding lead but what else can I do?

Oh my god, Im
so sorry to read this. That’s horrific. I hope you have managed to process and deal with this.

Well my first thought would be that often, sexual behaviour is learned, so the perpetrator is probably being abused outside of school.

However, you need to ask the school what measures will be put in place to a, support your child, b, to ensure that no further abuse occurs (to your or any other child) and c, to refer the perpetrator to outside agencies so they can get the help/support they need.

Also have a look at the following:

See page 104... for guidance on what school should be doing https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/1101454/Keepinggchildrensafeeineducationn_2022.pdf

The school has informed you.
They have dealt with the situation in line with school policy. This will mean the child was spoken to; the incident logged and the parents were informed. If the school feels that social services would need to be involved they would have referred it or asked for advice from the lado.
The fact that a child grabbed another child in an inappropriate place does not necessarily mean that this was done with sexual intent. The children are seven years old.

No the school will not be able to 'guard' your child and ensure that they never come into contact again. No, you can't know exactly what was said to the child and their parents. You need to think carefully before you back yourself into a corner.

You are assuming that the perpetrator has no previous history….if this is a ongoing and previous issue then any outcome, including exclusion, is open to the Head…

LADO means different things in different areas - it's not uniform so let's not derail the thread.

I would be going absolutely NUCLEAR that they thought it was acceptable to inform you about a sexual assault, on your child, at school, BY EMAIL.

DO NOT hand your child into their care before you have had an in-person conversation with the DSL/Head/both. This alone suggests that they haven't got a fucking clue what they're doing. That would be a 'keep the child in school until we've spoken to the parent' conversation in my school. Absolutely unforgivable.

I will add (also as a governor) that of course the OP should have phoned and the school should have had a proper conversation with them, that is without doubt. Likewise they should be given reassurance that it has been dealt with, and yes, DSL needs to check the other child isn't vulnerable. OP is right to ask for further answers and details (without compromising privacy), and can certainly escalate it if not satisfied. Nothing unreasonable in that at all.

May I also add though that, most of the time, it is just silly behaviour (they are only 7) nothing predatory or sinister (and the DSL should be thoroughly checking that), and the subsequent attention is more than enough to show the child that this is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.
I do think the calls for police and social services are a little premature. It rather turns into a witch hunt.

Did the school use the term sexual assault?

I don't think it affected me until much later on in life because it was never spoken of again until years later. Then I did have a hard time with it but mainly cos I felt sad for me and the child involved. Not saying that this is the same situation at all and you definitely need to get to the bottom of it and speak to someone face to face because a message just isn't good enough. I'm very sorry this has happened to your child.

*should have been phoned, not should have phoned.

You’re not being unkind at all. I’m just shocked at what’s happened. And how I was informed via a message when the other child and their parents have been spoken to by the head. But not me.

I question your certainty that this is a sexual behaviour. I remember as a small child pushing my sister sharply on her boobs. It was a deliberate nasty act to upset her, as I knew it hurt from her previous reactions when we fought. It was not sexual assault, despite her breast being involved. It was a straightforward bit of sibling nastiness.
It was the female equivalent of kicking my brother between the legs.

My childhood was not great, they were 5 and seven years older than me. I used every defence mechanism I could.

With regards to the assault on your DC, a hold the same age absolutely could sexually assault them. However they could also grab in a basic act of nastiness, or a sly attempt to get him to react and get him in trouble.

The behaviour needs dealing with. It may not be a sexual assault and you may be catastrophising in your reaction.

Note, I say 'may be'.

You'd need more information than you've shared here to be sure.

The OP said the child was vulnerable. Leaving aside the expulsion/suspension then, what else would your school do?

OK. I have read your update. It doesn't really change the reply. You won't be given details as to what happened with the other child.
I think you should definitely ask that they are not seated together again. I am not sure that the school can do much more other than refer the incident to SS. The child will receive support and there may be an investigation but that will be the decision for child services. They can't and won't tell you what the outcome is. I think you need to focus on your child. How do they feel?

Having read this minimising, apologist post ⬆️, I'd honestly pull her out. The school clearly aren't taking this seriously.

Exactly this

That’s really shitty and unfair. Thats a sensible post with good advice - if you want to see a massive increase in child welfare support in schools, start campaigning for it. Good luck finding a school well-funded enough to do anything differently.

@ASchoolGov - the LADO sits in the service I manage, you're wrong in their understanding of role, they consider position of trust concerns for adults working with children (not vulnerable adults as others have said that's with adult safeguarding). The DSL would liaise with the MASH not the LADO if they are concerned about safeguarding.

OP I would take some deep breaths tonight and then calmly tomorrow ask to meet with school so you can be satisfied about how they will be supporting your child. As others have said they can't tell you what has happened to the other child but you could for example ask for educative work in the classroom such as NSPCC pants work.

@Pumperthepumper You've misunderstood my post. I'm referring to the PP who has pretty much minimising what happened and essentially saying "It's been dealt with, so no big deal" whilst shrugging!

If you can really find a way to defend a school who informs the mother of a 7yr old that their child has been sexually assaulted by EMAIL then we're on completely different pages

How can a 7-year-old be described as a "perpetrator"

That’s not what that poster was saying though. They gave good, accurate advice. I’m not defending it - I’m saying that’s the reality. If you want it to change, start campaigning for more money in schools.

Yes absolutely correct, particularly around the issue of how the word 'sexual' is being used in this way. This is a 7 year old child.

There is a growing unease with the way that children of this age, with behaviour that might (or not might not) copy adult intimate behaviour are being described as exhibiting 'sexualised' behaviour, or in this case sexual assault. We hear it from parents, foster carers, sometimes teachers. Sometimes children of this age are being portrayed as predatory or abusers.

Sometimes it is indicative of things they have seen or abuse they themselves are /have experienced but to describe their own behaviour as sexualised is not necessarily accurate.

Honestly as a parent of a daughter at school I’d go nuclear. The fact that they emailed you rather than calling you immediately makes me think they’re doing what they think they should do to cover their backs but don’t actually give a fuck.

You should have been called and offered a meeting at pick up with a TA looking after your daughter whilst you got all the information.

Your daughter has been assaulted, I am aware that it was by another child but she is meant to be safe at school. And they clearly are not able to provide this for her.

I would honestly pull her out until they can absolutely guarantee her safety with no exceptions.

She will always know how much you protected her after a horrible incident. And that is the most important thing right now.

I was the victim (repeatedly) of this exact sort of sexual assault at secondary school at the age of about 11. Even at that age I wasn't really aware of the significance of it - it was annoying more than anything. I'm not sure holding a 7-year-old back at the end of school would be the right approach; it could just make the event all the more traumatic.

I also think that, although my 11-year-old abuser almost certainly had some idea of the significance of what he was doing, it is very likely a 7-year-old doing the same thing does not. They may not even realise it is a bad thing. Appropriate discipline may simply be for the perpetrator to be informed strongly that this is not acceptable and they should not do it again. They are not accountable in the way an adult (or older child) would be.

Think about this logically - how likely is it any parent would be sent an email containing the words ‘sexual assault’ and not expect any further conversation?

Who is paying the TA to look after the kid during the meeting?

How do you suggest they ‘guarantee her safety’? They wont do that because they can’t.

She’ll end up in another school with exactly the same processes as this one. Even the school governors on this thread can’t tell you any other outcome. This is it.