Assault whilst in school

[Worriedschoolmum]

My 7yo has been sexually assaulted in school by another child. Not a mistake. The school has confirmed this but then told me it has been dealt with and that’s it. Ive been told for information purposes. I’ve asked for a meeting and for the children to be separated but no reply. What do I do now? My child is safe and seems quite calm about this. They acted admirably. No idea who the other child is or their background. It’s seems to have been dismissed given they are children but I’m not happy. If I grabbed another persons groin in work I’m sure I would be disciplined, if not sacked. Im going in tomorrow to speak to the safeguarding lead but what else can I do?

So a child gets sexually assaulted at school (even if the other child doesn’t know what it means) and she’s just meant to carry on?

Is this a joke? TAs can stay for 15 mins after school - they are paid to support children. I’m sure no one would mind staying with an assaulted child whilst their parent found out happened.

Op’s dd deserves an education where she can safely and happily learn. And the adults in charge of her at that time need to ensure that happens. They have not done this.

Where does it say OPs child is a girl?

limitededitionbarbie

The OP cannot access safeguarding information even with the other child's name 'redacted'. Encouraging her to do this is unhelpful.
The best thing the OP can do is get an appointment to speak to the head and have a discussion about what happened.

I was literally just scrolling back to see if I had mentioned gender. L

Yes, she’s meant to carry on. Again, if you want to see an increase in child welfare (and I do!), start campaigning for better school funding.

You can’t ask a TA to stay behind with zero pay, and you can’t increase their pay off the cuff so you’d be relying on their goodwill. Maybe they would do it but you definitely could not offer that as an option without checking with them first.

ALL kids deserve a safe education. The vast majority of them are not getting this due to years and years of cuts to services meaning schools are now a hybrid of high social needs, high educational needs and high welfare needs being managed by a rapidly shrinking pool of untrained staff. If you have a solution to this, I’d love to hear it.

@Worriedschoolmum You haven't. But also my bad on this as I assumed your child was male when I was reading purely because I think had they been female the school would have handled the contact bit significantly better with all the #metoo things currently ongoing.

Did the school name it as sexual assault?

This happened to me as a child in school. I remember not a lot being done about it but it never happened again. I wasn’t and aren’t hugely traumatised by it but I knew it was wrong and shouldn’t be happening. I hope your daughter is ok xx

You would be wasting everyone’s time with that demand .
Would never happen

This.
Op doesn’t even know what exactly happened yet.

Your child may not need counselling or therapy - they may cope with it without being traumatised, but clearly this does depend on your reaction as well I am afraid.

This may be true for some children, but not all!

DD was sexually assaulted, aged 8 by a 7 year old boy in her class. She came home and didn’t say a word to me. However, she was having child psychotherapy at Camhs; and happened to have it that day. She disclosed the assault to the psychotherapist, who told me afterwards. There was a Wendy house in the classroom. The ten children (a specialist resource unit for SEN children in a class of ten) were all in the Wendy House at break time. The teacher and two TAs were busy chatting to each other. The boy pulled her trousers down, and lay on top of her, kissing her. All the children were watching. DD thought he had had sex with her, and she was pregnant. That’s why she didn’t tell me, as she thought I’d be angry she was pregnant.

The psychotherapist commented DD had all the emotions and reactions of a victim of CSA; and it could have a long term effect on her relationships with men. (Actually, it has had a long term effect on her relationships with other people, not just men. Her recall 20 years later is still immediate.)

DD also told me, when she walked past the toilets, on the way to the classroom, he sat on the toilet, with the door open, waving his penis at her. She had told three members of staff, who told her “not to tell tales”! Actually, the nature of her SEN was that she did not really understand lying - she tells the truth, as she sees it.

The psychotherapist informed the school, and either she or the school reported it to Children’s Social Services. Social Services investigated the family. They also rang me up to offer support.

The mother told me, he had been watching East Enders and copied behaviour off there. (The head arranged for her to meet us and apologise to us. I was horrified and didn’t want to meet her; but he sprang it on us, before her annual review of her SEN, already arranged)

The class teacher came to our house unannounced to apologise - the boy had behavioural problems and didn’t belong in DD’s class; he should have been in a mainstream class. The head put him in DD’s specialist unit, to get him out of the hair of the mainstream teachers; against her advice. The school sacked her! IMO, she was scapegoated!

Years later, Social Services told me a Management meeting should have been held with us, to discuss a strategy for the future.

@Quisquam - I think you missed out the word may

Not all traumatic incidents lead to a trauma diagnosis, even with children. One of the factors that is important is the reactions and support of those around them in the aftermath (there are multiple factors, but this is one)

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu
Read my posts carefully and then think before posting. There are lots of posters on here asking for redacted files, calling the police etc etc. I happen to think this is unhelpful advice. The OP needs to have a discussion with the school. She also needs to understand that the school are quite constrained in what they can share with her. This is the case for staff as well. Once a safeguarding issue is reported, it will be in the hands of the DSL and the child services team. The ultimate decision about what can and should be investigated is in the hands of child services, not the school. I don't recall saying it 'was no big deal'. Nor do I recall shrugging my shoulders.

I do however agree that the school should have spoken to the OP directly. Perhaps they tried and were not able to reach her?

Perhaps they tried and were not able to reach her?

Perhaps they needed written evidence that they had spoken to her - so it was a concrete record. However, they should have followed up with a call in my opinion.

What a dumb thing to say...

Re the last 3 sentences of your post, you're effectively criticising the teachers for not having prevented this 'attack'.

Are they supposed to have special powers where they can see incidents that will happen in the future? Such ridiculous teacher blaming for so so many crappy parents.

@GiggleWhale

I said:

This may be true for some children, but not all!

I consider the first “May”, to apply to the second part of the sentence too; and it’s not necessary to say “May” twice.

However, you shouldn’t make sweeping statements, when you cannot know how all children react - and in my case, DD’s reaction did not depend on my reaction, because I knew nothing about it.

OP your not in the north west are you as the exact same thing happened to a friend of mine dd.

The school have been throughly shit about it to the point she has moved her dd.

@cansu the OP could make a subject access request in relation to this incident. It will be redacted to remove the names of third parties, but it could provide additional information.

OP, I too am alarmed at the way in which you have been informed about this incident. I am also alarmed at the language being used to describe the incident.

You deserve answers, but the school will be bound by data protection laws and rules around confidentiality. At the age of 7, it would be very unusual to expel a child (and incredibly hard!). However, there are a number of measures that should be taken - for example, being sat apart and the teacher reminding children of privacy, private areas and acceptable behaviour in an age-appropriate manner is essential to set expectations. This incident should be logged by the school as a safeguarding concern. The child’s background will be explored, including but not limited to their history, family set up, previous concerns, and other worrying behaviour they may demonstrate.

Request a meeting with the DSL and headteacher and seek their reassurance. Look at their safeguarding/child protection policy and check that KCSIE is displayed on their school website (a statutory requirement and it was updated on 1st September 2022). If dissatisfied with the response, escalate to the Chair of Governors.

The context is important here, the children are 7 and the schools response is key to allay your fears, provide reassurance and avoid a repeat of this behaviour (for the sake of all students)

Ask for a meeting at the school to address the situation. You want to know how your child can be protected from this happening again

I could understand kids this age hitting each other in privates but sitting at desk and being groped yikes. Yes, it does point towards the child being abused themselves or having emotional problems. Well done for your dc speaking up. You should be really proud of them.

Does the school have the NSPCC Speak out Stay Safe programme

My DD was sexually assaulted in last year or primary, as was 3 other girls. I received calls from the school and police (I didn’t report it). I was satisfied it was dealt with though I wasn’t told the outcome. I did know who it was as my friend was able to tell me. Fortunately she wasn’t too upset by it

Should add my child received messages from the boy concerned via what’s app threatening her for telling etc (which she actually didn’t) so probably why more involvement with the police

Sadly, schools are not safe spaces. I wish they were. Your poor child sounds amazing. I’m so glad they do not seem to be distressed by this, but you have to stay vigilant. I also feel for the perpetrator TBH. What have they experienced to make them act like this? Obviously the school will contact SS. I think all you can do is support your child and ask for transparency as to how the other child will be dealt with and what future, improved safeguarding will be put in place. Above all, try to stay calm during the meeting. Good luck.

The rules are ridiculous and it’s going to end up with something absolutely awful to
happen for something to be done about it. Every single time when this happens with children the victim gets treated to crap and the perpetrator gets prioritised and protected. If it is isn’t the child’s responsibility ( which I completely agree with) then what’s going to happen with the child’s parents? Who’s actually to blame for this? Or is it just “boys being boys”/ “kids being kids

I completely agree.

Over the years I have realised that I'm not the typical MNer, because I don't abide by all of this wishy washy "confidentiality" crap. If a child sexually assaults mine I want to know who they are so I can know who the hell the parents are, and I wouldn't rest until I'd spoken to them personally and if I wasn't satisfied with their response or they weren't receptive I would put the fear of God into them.

If she school can't ensure a child's safety how can we ever be comfortable leaving our children in their care again?

"We have dealt with it" ..OK then, HOW.

I'm so angry for your DD and you OP.

How would you put the fear of god into them?

How exactly would you put the fear of God into them?

Xpost with @Pumperthepumper 😂