Page 7 | Partner viewing webcam girls

Pinklemons9 · 2022-10-10T09:45:09+00:00

Last night I found out my partner of 1.5 years watches webcam girls. I have never been comfortable with porn but this is just on another level for me. He said he uses them once a week (we see each other 5 nights a week now, was 3 until recently). They are free and he said he doesn’t chat to them. I think I believe this. I know he loves me and he’d do anything for me. He said he won’t do it again but I feel he’s crossed a line. AIBU?

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 14:56

*breast feed

PeppaPigsBonnet · 10/10/2022 14:56

@BernsBellRowling Best wishes to you, OP. Please don’t doubt yourself. You’ve taken an important step to stand up for yourself and state your worth. That takes courage. You never have to accept being lied to.

I would second this.

OP, you deserve to have a man who treats you with love, care, trust and respect.
Don't settle for any less.

AdamRyan · 10/10/2022 15:08

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 14:43

This thread has got a little side tracked but thank you for all the comments.
I decided to end the relationship. Perhaps it was an overreaction, I don’t know. I’m starting to doubt myself. He was otherwise a great boyfriend and I don’t believe he would intentionally hurt me. However, he crossed the line. At a time when he knows I’m struggling. It’s like a double whammy. Plus we’d spoken about porn before and he lied to me. How could I trust him again. I’d feel like a mug if I continued in the relationship, like I’m not good enough and there’s be nothing to stop him doing it again. I hate that he’s put me in this position. He was always so respectful and now he seems like a sleeze, it’s like I never really knew him. Anyway… brave face time.. onwards and upwards.

Good for you. You were in an impossible position. If you let it go, when he started paying and you found out it would be "well what's the difference between tipping and watching for free, it's still the same content?" And then "whats the difference between tipping and a private show, its still paying?" It's just one huge slippery slope starting with "all men watch porn and cams are just the same, but in real time."

Most men don't watch cams. Why would they? Porn is more explicit and easily available.

Lots of men don't regularly watch porn.

Don't let the porn apologists who swarm threads like this make you feel unreasonable.

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 15:11

You were right to end the relationship. The issue here wasn’t the porn or the webcams, so please ignore @LemonDrop22’s angry crusade, the issue was the lying and hiding.

It could have been drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever. It doesn’t matter what it is. You’ll always get angry people ranting on about those subjects because they have a chip on their shoulder about it.

The problem is he is untrustworthy and you cannot build a relationship on that, so you were right to end it.

LetstalkaboutBruno · 10/10/2022 15:12

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 15:11

You were right to end the relationship. The issue here wasn’t the porn or the webcams, so please ignore @LemonDrop22’s angry crusade, the issue was the lying and hiding.

It could have been drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever. It doesn’t matter what it is. You’ll always get angry people ranting on about those subjects because they have a chip on their shoulder about it.

The problem is he is untrustworthy and you cannot build a relationship on that, so you were right to end it.

This! 100x over.

Pumperthepumper · 10/10/2022 15:15

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 15:11

You were right to end the relationship. The issue here wasn’t the porn or the webcams, so please ignore @LemonDrop22’s angry crusade, the issue was the lying and hiding.

It could have been drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever. It doesn’t matter what it is. You’ll always get angry people ranting on about those subjects because they have a chip on their shoulder about it.

The problem is he is untrustworthy and you cannot build a relationship on that, so you were right to end it.

I’m pretty sure it was the webcams that were the issue.

Original poster

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 15:34

Thanks everyone. He apologised and said he would block all porn sites on his phone and never use them again. What made me end it was the fact that he kept trying to make out it was the same as porn and no worse and he didn’t once acknowledge how it made me feel, he just kept trying to justify it and dag himself a bigger hole. I wonder if he will tell his family the truth about why we broke up given it’s so normal and everyone does it 🙄
I have two children (not to him) who love him, they’ll be gutted. He wanted me to uproot their lives to move to him an hour away. Thank god I didn’t, I’d never have forgiven myself. Why are men dirt, I thought he was one of the good ones 😩
We are supposed to be going away for two nights next week and I stupidly paid for the hotel in advance 😩

OP posts:

BernsBellRowling · 10/10/2022 17:23

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 15:34

Thanks everyone. He apologised and said he would block all porn sites on his phone and never use them again. What made me end it was the fact that he kept trying to make out it was the same as porn and no worse and he didn’t once acknowledge how it made me feel, he just kept trying to justify it and dag himself a bigger hole. I wonder if he will tell his family the truth about why we broke up given it’s so normal and everyone does it 🙄
I have two children (not to him) who love him, they’ll be gutted. He wanted me to uproot their lives to move to him an hour away. Thank god I didn’t, I’d never have forgiven myself. Why are men dirt, I thought he was one of the good ones 😩
We are supposed to be going away for two nights next week and I stupidly paid for the hotel in advance 😩

Sending you strength, OP. Your children may be gutted but they’d be worse off if you continued in a relationship where there was no trust and mutual respect. You’re doing the right thing.

Can you take a friend on the mini-break instead? No need for you to lose out on that. It sounds like you deserve a break.

YouAreNotBatman · 10/10/2022 17:52

I’m at awe of you, op.
Really, I am.
So many women think cam (or porn or escorts, whatever) is something they have to deal with and be okey with it.

You had your boundary and you stood by it.
This is something a really strong woman would do, keep that in mind.

All the best to you and your kids.

BernsBellRowling · 10/10/2022 17:59

YouAreNotBatman · 10/10/2022 17:52

I’m at awe of you, op.
Really, I am.
So many women think cam (or porn or escorts, whatever) is something they have to deal with and be okey with it.

You had your boundary and you stood by it.
This is something a really strong woman would do, keep that in mind.

All the best to you and your kids.

Totally agree with this!

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 17:59

Pumperthepumper · 10/10/2022 15:15

I’m pretty sure it was the webcams that were the issue.

Show quote history

😂

Are they purposefully obtuse or ....?

And totally out of sync with the op's feelings too.

Don't mind me, I'll just go back to being angry, grrrr.

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 18:02

He apologised and said he would block all porn sites on his phone and never use them again

Ain't nobody going to stick to that.

Esp.not a regular porn user who was weekly using web cams til you found out.

That's actually as much of a red flag as anything else; because he's so foolish and dishonest (even to himself) that he'd promise that, and then v likely fail on it, breaking promises, trust, causing another stressful crisis etc.

I'm glad you've found this out before you moved with your kids op.

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 18:05

*Ain't nobody going to stick to that.

To clarify - Nobody's who's been a regular porn user, and has only given it up due to his partner imminently dumping him.

Before the pedants get started again.

Carlycat · 10/10/2022 19:41

ThisIsntDanicaBritannica · 10/10/2022 12:46

Honestly OP is tell him you’re glad this subject has come up. You’ve been running an onlyfans for a while, nothing extreme just like nudes and masturbation, but it’s done so well you’re going to leave your job to do camming full time. You’ve got some really loyal fans across all your platforms. You really enjoy the attention and the cash!
Watch the colour drain from his face as he stammers that either erm that’s great and then ghosts you or that he’s not okay with you providing the service to other men that he’s happy to get from other women. He may even try the It’s Not Sexual It’s Just Entertainment argument.
This is not my first rodeo.

This

Carlycat · 10/10/2022 19:51

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 14:43

This thread has got a little side tracked but thank you for all the comments.
I decided to end the relationship. Perhaps it was an overreaction, I don’t know. I’m starting to doubt myself. He was otherwise a great boyfriend and I don’t believe he would intentionally hurt me. However, he crossed the line. At a time when he knows I’m struggling. It’s like a double whammy. Plus we’d spoken about porn before and he lied to me. How could I trust him again. I’d feel like a mug if I continued in the relationship, like I’m not good enough and there’s be nothing to stop him doing it again. I hate that he’s put me in this position. He was always so respectful and now he seems like a sleeze, it’s like I never really knew him. Anyway… brave face time.. onwards and upwards.

Best wishes to you op
It's about time more women stood to men and their vile acceptance of porn. You're making a stand which is brilliant ✊

DeadbeatYoda · 10/10/2022 21:29

@BernsBellRowling I quite agree.

DeadbeatYoda · 10/10/2022 21:43

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:15

Masturbation is a natural function

Masturbation and porn are separate things.

Needing pornography to masturbate shows a huge lack of imagination and a total lack of regard for the heinous damage the porn Industry does every single day.
It's so base.

PeppaPigsBonnet · 11/10/2022 00:41

OP, I'm sorry you are in this situation but kudos to you for making a stand for yourself and your DC's (and for other women).

He apologised and said he would block all porn sites on his phone and never use them again - and I've got a bridge I can sell you.🙄

It's been said before on this site but if you are in a relationship with someone who has an addiction there are 3 of you in the relationship. There is you, them and the addiction (and it doesn't matter if it's porn, gambling, drinking, whatever ) and the addiction will take priority over you every time.

I wish you well for the future OP.

mauveskies · 11/10/2022 01:02

It's not "borderline cheating" in my view. It is cheating.

It's also gross; I don't care how many posters declare this sort of thing "empowering" for the women involved

His primary relationship is with his addiction, and you will always be secondary.

phishy · 11/10/2022 05:06

andymary · 10/10/2022 11:30

You are under the impression that every body thinks the same way that you do.

Have you not seen the amount of money these cam girls make? Or on OnlyFans? They are empowering themselves to work at home, in the comfort of their own home, working their own hours with their own business.
And frankly, their business is their choice, and noone else's business to judge.

Show quote history

Only a tiny proportion of women actually make money in Onlyfans ANDY

It’s weird how this thread has attracted so many men rushing to defend porn.

MRAs seem to be monitoring Mumsnet now.

AdamRyan · 11/10/2022 08:21

phishy · 11/10/2022 05:06

Only a tiny proportion of women actually make money in Onlyfans ANDY

It’s weird how this thread has attracted so many men rushing to defend porn.

MRAs seem to be monitoring Mumsnet now.

Show quote history

I agree
Any threads like this and they are drawn to it like flies to shit. It's depressing that they have nothing better to do with their lives

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 11/10/2022 16:14

It would be a dealbreaker for me too, OP. I know it’s really hard to have ended the relationship but I really admire you for having the courage of your convictions. Hope you’re doing ok x

Karrots · 11/10/2022 16:37

Surprised any of the MRA have time to post. Too busy watching porn.

Sandra1984 · 10/02/2023 20:52

Check his debit or credit card because if he’s paying for the webcam he’s 100% interacting with the women. I agree with you that porn is one thing but this crosses a line.

Intransigentcat · 10/02/2023 21:01

BernsBellRowling · 10/10/2022 11:25

Your boyfriend thinks it’s ok to exploit women for his masturbatory pleasure.

Most women selling visual access to their vulva/vagina, anus, breasts and rest of their bodies are not doing it because they find it sexually gratifying or it is great for their self esteem. They are doing it because they need money and we live in a porn-soaked, rape apologist society where we tell women that their body is a commodity to be consumed by men for a few pennies at a time, or perhaps even for free before men will pay for the pleasure of making them do even more extreme things for a few pennies. Porn is, in my opinion, horribly exploitative enough, but the ability to exploit a woman in real time via webcam is, in my opinion, a whole other level of selfish, entitled, degrading behaviour.

There are reasons you feel disgusted by this behaviour, OP. Listen to your gut instinct. Don’t stay with someone you can’t respect because you’re worried that life without him will be worse - it won’t. Look after yourself, hold appropriate boundaries and know your worth. Good things happen when you treat yourself well.

Listen to this. It's the perfect summary