Partner viewing webcam girls

[Pinklemons9]

Last night I found out my partner of 1.5 years watches webcam girls. I have never been comfortable with porn but this is just on another level for me. He said he uses them once a week (we see each other 5 nights a week now, was 3 until recently). They are free and he said he doesn’t chat to them. I think I believe this. I know he loves me and he’d do anything for me. He said he won’t do it again but I feel he’s crossed a line. AIBU?

You sound very aggressive. He was just trying to help. His knowledge and experience is interesting. And I hate porn too.

Have you not seen the amount of money these cam girls make? Or on OnlyFans? They are empowering themselves to work at home, in the comfort of their own home, working their own hours with their own business.

Your ignorance of the realities of the sex industry is truly astounding.

And frankly, their business is their choice, and noone else's business to judge.

Noone judges the sex workers, they judge the punters. Not sure why that needed explained.

I think of those are your values and standards and feelings! You are perhaps not compatible with him.

And personally I see nothing wrong with your values and ferlibgsmbi think they're normal and natural.

He may say he's going to stop but you never know what people will actually do in private. This or worse could crop up again when you're further invested. Atm it's easy for you to get out, it won't be if you're cohabiting or engaged or married of gave a child together.

It’s porn by any other name I know my OH has/does watch porn because he asked me if I want to see some, I just said “no thanks”.
He is honest, and it doesn’t affect our relationship in any way, most men have/do watch porn, it’s when it becomes an addiction, like drugs or alcohol that it is damaging

Sorry, not sure where that random exclamation mark came from

Yup!

What a vile response to a helpful post.

youre allowed to end a relationship for any reason you like. Regardless if your partner / strangers on the internet think it's reasonable or not.

@LemonDrop22 I know some women who are doing onlyfans, and they are very much promoting this. They encourage new followers/watchers/subscribers (or however it works as I am not on there myself).

I feel that it’s a woman’s choice to do as they please with their body, regardless of what that choice is. The only time it is a huge no for me is when no consent has been given and these girls have been roped into it via trafficking or whatnot.

OP, it’s so hard! As much as I know women who do it (and have no hard feelings about them doing what they want to pursue in life), I’d feel quite uneasy about the idea of my partner watching stuff like Webcams. I don’t know that I would end the relationship for it, but I would certainly be wanting to know why that’s such a permanent fixture in his life when he has a girlfriend. I do also know that it’s not always that deep too, which makes it sometimes even harder to disregard and put aside as if it’s not that big of a deal then why do it in the first place? I hope you’re able to work through this for you both; whether that be alone or together 💐

Well, do expand.

Myself and several other posters on this thread are very interested in what education you think we need about men and porn.

Do educate us, please.

He won't stop. It's addictive.

Sorry, but that's what you have to consider when deciding whether to pursue this relationship

Yep this would be a deal breaker for me.

It's not vile, it's honest.

Many women would be put off by finding out he masturbates to live web cam performances.

Perhaps it's useful to him to find out what some women really think of that behaviour - for embarking on future relationships.
It might inform his behaviour going forward.

I don’t believe you have any idea of the extent to which men access porn. Men in your immediate family, your extended family, your friends, your colleagues.

Most of them are accessing porn.

Do you think we don’t all know most men are accessing porn. Does that make it ok and something all women should accept - no.

It's not vile, it's honest.

I'm not sure one precludes the other. Someone posted some useful info about how these things work. You responded aggressively (and irrelevantly) to insult them. Anyway, it's been deleted now, I'm pleased to see.

I know some women who are doing onlyfans, and they are very much promoting this. They encourage new followers/watchers/subscribers (or however it works as I am not on there myself).

Slight detail but do you think they would be doing it if they could make equal of better money without selling their bodies sexually?

Do you think they'll ever regret doing it, especially as what goes on the internet could be there indefinitely?

Do you think they'd be comfortable about their family and any kids knowing they do it? Or school parents?

Do you think if acquaintances in their neighbourhood find out, that there'll be zero change in attitude towards them and their kids? Do you think it would have zero effect on their kids if their school mates or local kids know?

Really? Otherwise how is he meant to know? Can’t you set the bar a little higher for yourself? (I’m assuming you’re female).

MN deleted pretty much anything reported as standard and people abuse that. As the reporting poster had done.

(And their standpoint, in all its glorious ignorance and internalised misogyny, I'd very obvious from their posts too).

I was honest that I (and I'm not alone) would not knowingly enter a relationship with someone like him, a live web cam masturbator. Also that imho such behaviour is not desirable or tolerable in many women's relationships and lives.

That is relevant and not vile to point out.

It might be doing him a favour in terms of him continuing or escalating

Do you think we don’t all know most men are accessing porn. Does that make it ok and something all women should accept - no
So feel feee then to spend your lives spouting Lemondrop22-type vitriol at, what, 70% of the male population

I said quite clearly that these are my opinions, not that I expect everyone to share them. I’m aware they don’t. I’m aware that plenty of men now seem to feel that access to porn in all its forms is some god-given right. I can see therefore how making women believe that it’s a career choice that can be an empowering “have it all” lifestyle is to those men’s advantage. And to the advantage of the (mostly) men who make millions of pounds running the many platforms that host this cancerous shit.

By contrast, most women selling their bodies in this way do not make enough to fund a luxury lifestyle or even a decent living. A few will, but most will not. And the effect on women’s mental health - however much they earn in this way - is often catastrophic. I make no negative judgment about their actions; I judge the men who treat women like disposable masturbatory aids. Men who, I am fairly sure for the most part, would be horrified if their daughters were exploited in this way, but are fine with dehumanising other women.

But I am not trying to de-rail the thread; if the OP is uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s behaviour, I’m trying to give my opinion that she is not BU to feel that way and that - in my opinion - she should follow her instincts and ditch the pathetic wanker.

Have you not seen the amount of money these cam girls make? Or on OnlyFans? They are empowering themselves to work at home, in the comfort of their own home, working their own hours with their own business.

Factually probably true but conveniently fails to address the motivation of why women are doing this and the emotional effects on them. As if you don’t think about it, you can justify keep doing it.

Whilst its true to say some women may be feeling empowered, there are many who won’t be. How do you know which you’re watching and what that ratio is?

Men are attempting to condition women that ‘everyone’s’ doing it dontcha know to desensitise the morals and ethics of it so they can continue to get off on it. Most of them likely need therapy.

I was honest that I (and I'm not alone) would not knowingly enter a relationship with someone like him, a live web cam masturbator

Neither would I but that's completely irrelevant here. PP offered some useful information based on his experience. Your response was really off.

Your posts are brilliant Bern's.

You expose the sheer ignorance and delusion that always permeates discussions on this subject and the sex industry in general.

To the contrary, it's very relevant.

And his response was making op think maybe get bfs behaviour was ok after all; when she'd probably be better going with her real instincts and feelings about it.

I wanted to give a perspective that would counter that effect.