Partner viewing webcam girls

[Pinklemons9]

Last night I found out my partner of 1.5 years watches webcam girls. I have never been comfortable with porn but this is just on another level for me. He said he uses them once a week (we see each other 5 nights a week now, was 3 until recently). They are free and he said he doesn’t chat to them. I think I believe this. I know he loves me and he’d do anything for me. He said he won’t do it again but I feel he’s crossed a line. AIBU?

This would be a massive deal breaker for me. I don't think you are unreasonable to finish the relationship over this.

It's creepy and weird.

How old is he?

Right. Ok. I find the idea of the following hypothetical conversation (if I imagine my daughter having it) rather incredulous and I’d be gutted if my daughters ever had one like it!

woman: what? You watch women on live webcams?
partner: yes, i do. I don’t interact or pay money. And anyway, how on earth could I possibly know you’d have an issue with it?? You never TOLD me! Why didn’t you tell me at the beginning of our relationship you wouldn’t be comfortable with me masturbating while watching women perform sexual acts in real time?

If you want to quote me, quote the whole thing in context, rather than taking a snippet, it's a cheap and weak way of trying to dispute my points.

Come back when you choose to discuss the points in an adult way 🙄

Then that’s different, OP.

The issue here isn’t the porn/webcams - they’re a red herring. The issue here is that he is knowingly lying to you and hiding things from you, so you cannot trust him.

Exactly.

I responded to this poster saying how many women would view the behaviour and another poster actually reported and got deleted my post.

It was "vile" to point that out.

Unbe fkg leivable that such posters are on MN. And that MN hq just goes along with any report.

Who are you to declare what is normalised behaviour and what is not? Just asking.

Whatever your (or anyone else’s) opinions on porn and the online consumption of women’s bodies for money, he has clearly shown you that he does not respect you or your boundaries. This is not someone I think you should trust with your dignity, your wellbeing or your feelings. He has lied to you and will therefore lie to you again.You are worth more than this, OP. You are entitled to expect better from a partner. Listen to your gut feelings.

Nor for me. This would be a relationship ender for me. Maybe I might give another chance if we had kids and if he assured me he'd stopped, but I'd always be wondering so relationship would probably die anyway, certainly any respect I had for him would.

And id be amazed if he hasn't gone further and paid 1-2-1.

What an absolutely pathetic knobhead he is

That was the only relevant part.

And stop talking down to and patronising other posters on this site.

"Come back and talk to me when you can speak like an adult" .... Who on earth do you think you're speaking to on here? You're not at home with your kids, or teaching kids in a classroom.

That technique might work for you elsewhere, it won't here.

I can see why it would seem more real than pre-recorded porn. That for me is the issue. More real is more intimate. It crosses the line. I know it’s all staged and fake.
I agree, it’s a huge turn off. I thought only lonely dirty old men watched webcams 🤢🤢 it’s embarrassing. Even more embarrassing that it’s my own boyfriend did it. What on earth does that say about me! He was probably thinking of them the entire time. Feel sick to my stomach

@LemonDrop22
Come off it. Can't hide behind 'oh you haven't been on Mumsnet enough'
Your post was unnecessary and obviously just looking for something to pick at.

No attack is very different on here to just being bloody rude and obnoxious

Genuine question. If webcams are free how do the women make money from it?

It was relevant and necessary because, as other posters have pointed out, he was normalising and minimiding the behaviour.

And that does not seem to be in ops favour.

A firm rebuttal/contrast was needed.

@Pinklemons9

Yes we actually did. He apparently thought I was joking... this is bull because it came up a few months later and he said he didn’t watch it anymore because I didn’t like it. When I pointed this out he said he forgot 🙄^
^
This to me says it all - he doesn't respect you and your feelings and he lied to you. Whether it's about porn or going to the library whilst telling you he's at work, it's a lie. Doesn't matter how harmful or not the thing is he's doing (and in this case it is harmful) the point is he's prepared to lie about it. He will not stop - he'll just get better at hiding it.

I think ultimately you know deep down what this means for your relationship, once the trust has gone it's very hard to get back.

Sorry OP.

It's personal to you. Personally I don't care as long as they're free.

A man further up said people watching them can make "donations" to get the woman to continue.

@MrsMorrisey

I don’t know for sure but I think it’s a ‘teaser’ to encourage payment and since there are so many in the audience some do pay for extras.

Op, from all your posts, I don't think this guy and his behaviour if for you and I think you're perfectly reasonable in that.

(To me web camming is a step too far as well).

You won't be able to get rid easily and painlessly if you invest with this guy.

@LemonDrop22 no he wasn't. He was giving another perspective which actually came across quite well imo

Every single one of us can have our own views and opinions on this. Some of us find it okay and some of us don't. To sit and argue that categorically it's unacceptable just is ludicrous

OP has had the discussion with partner, he's aware and continues and therefore they need to put their foot down with it.

Many others (myself included) are okay with this and that's also and okay stance to have.

Stop twisting posters words.

Also 30 year old female here and happily watch porn both myself and with my partner. Attack that.

Being free allows women to attach people to watch. If people both men and WOMEN, want Futher interaction the can spend money to request private viewings or send tips to reach goals or to request to see other things. The fact is it's up to the person doing the show what they do.

Some people do it for the money others like the thrill and excitement, others may be forced as with any proffesion and should be reported.

Other incel saddos pay while the freeloaders watch and get off on watching other men pay to instruct the women. Makes me think of dirty old scummers who can't get it up.

Many webcams are free to enter and watch, and in an audience of hundreds to thousands you then get some who tip heavily and repeatedly.

This.