Page 3 | Partner viewing webcam girls

Pinklemons9 · 2022-10-10T09:45:09+00:00

Last night I found out my partner of 1.5 years watches webcam girls. I have never been comfortable with porn but this is just on another level for me. He said he uses them once a week (we see each other 5 nights a week now, was 3 until recently). They are free and he said he doesn’t chat to them. I think I believe this. I know he loves me and he’d do anything for me. He said he won’t do it again but I feel he’s crossed a line. AIBU?

WTAFSomedays · 10/10/2022 11:57

@TheHoover

I will spout whatever I feel like and don’t need your permission.

70% you say? Maybe that’s why economic productivity is so low - as all we’re producing is wankers.

GasPanic · 10/10/2022 12:00

As other people say, you can split up with people for any reason you want, just as he can decide porn is more important to him than your relationship if you choose it to be a red line. Neither side is being unreasonable.

It's probably something you should discuss in advance though if you go for another relationship, as a high proportion of single men use porn, and you're setting yourself up for repeated disappointment if you don't discuss this sort of thing before you get involved with someone.

monsteramunch · 10/10/2022 12:04

He said he prefers it over porn which is staged.

Whereas webcam performances aren't staged?! He's either stupid enough to believe that or thinks you are.

And ask yourself why he prefers live to non live performances.

I personally think it's because they like the idea of a woman doing their bidding (or that of the other blokes watching) in real time.

Dancing to their tune and doing what they're told to do.

Men completely in control of a woman and her body.

I hate on threads like this when people say it's silly to be 'jealous' of webcam girls (women, I know, but using the phrase people use). That isn't the only reason some of us see it as a dealbreaker.

If my partner was watching webcam girls I wouldn't jealous at all, I would just be so turned off by how pathetic and cringe it is to be wanking away while other grubby men (or he himself) pay a quid or two each to keep a woman doing as she's told, that I honestly wouldn't find him attractive anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsMorrisey · 10/10/2022 12:04

BernsBellRowling · 10/10/2022 11:25

Your boyfriend thinks it’s ok to exploit women for his masturbatory pleasure.

Most women selling visual access to their vulva/vagina, anus, breasts and rest of their bodies are not doing it because they find it sexually gratifying or it is great for their self esteem. They are doing it because they need money and we live in a porn-soaked, rape apologist society where we tell women that their body is a commodity to be consumed by men for a few pennies at a time, or perhaps even for free before men will pay for the pleasure of making them do even more extreme things for a few pennies. Porn is, in my opinion, horribly exploitative enough, but the ability to exploit a woman in real time via webcam is, in my opinion, a whole other level of selfish, entitled, degrading behaviour.

There are reasons you feel disgusted by this behaviour, OP. Listen to your gut instinct. Don’t stay with someone you can’t respect because you’re worried that life without him will be worse - it won’t. Look after yourself, hold appropriate boundaries and know your worth. Good things happen when you treat yourself well.

What she said ⬆️

UneFilleDeBelleville · 10/10/2022 12:05

@LemonDrop22 We'll have to agree to disagree. I'm glad your post was deleted and hope PP isn't put off sharing useful information in future.

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:06

Have you ever had a conversation with him about porn or webcams? If not, how is he supposed to know you wouldn’t be okay with it?

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:07

Whereas webcam performances aren't staged?! He's either stupid enough to believe that or thinks you are.

I'm going to go with the latter.

Though he may be referring to the fact that thern watching the sex worker live - or specifically the men watching and paying direct the 'action" and tell her what to do. Like a sort of interactive sex doll you tell what to do.
Maybe he likes that aspect of it.

LetstalkaboutBruno · 10/10/2022 12:07

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 11:47

I know some women who are doing onlyfans, and they are very much promoting this. They encourage new followers/watchers/subscribers (or however it works as I am not on there myself).

Slight detail but do you think they would be doing it if they could make equal of better money without selling their bodies sexually?

Do you think they'll ever regret doing it, especially as what goes on the internet could be there indefinitely?

Do you think they'd be comfortable about their family and any kids knowing they do it? Or school parents?

Do you think if acquaintances in their neighbourhood find out, that there'll be zero change in attitude towards them and their kids? Do you think it would have zero effect on their kids if their school mates or local kids know?

Comment one - I have no idea. Nothing to do with me so I don’t know how much they earn or what their targets are. It’s literally none of my business. One does a lot of modelling/photo shoots and she regularly posts on her Instagram about how much she trains to keep her figure in check. So my guess is that she enjoys it?

Comment Two - no, not with the one particular lady I mentioned. Others, who knows??

Comment Three - one lady I know her entire family knows, it’s on all of her social media and her family and friends comment on her posts.

Comment Four - see above. She has no kids just yet, but posts pictures of her and boyfriend regularly. So she obviously has no issues surrounding anonymity.

If someone is HAPPY doing it, why bash them? Your choices and lifestyle is yours… not anyone else’s.

You’re very angry and very, very, very dominating (in more ways that one) on this post, I am sure that this is NOT helping the OP in an already emotional state of affairs over this topic.

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:07

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:06

Have you ever had a conversation with him about porn or webcams? If not, how is he supposed to know you wouldn’t be okay with it?

🙄

Spendernone · 10/10/2022 12:09

Yes most webcams are free, and only interactive if you decided to pay, that's what payments are for. Some people run webcams for money, no doubt some may be forced as with any work and unbelievable to some MN some enjoy it and the attention 😮.

Is it any different than porn, well ones recorded, the other is not. One is possibly interactive if you choose to pay the other is not.

Masturbation is a natural function, and a personal one if it's interfering with your sex life it may be a problem if it's not and he's not paying what's the problem.

My DH has a lower sex drive than me, rather than argue over this or cheat how I deal with this is my own personal decision and as long in not in the presence of another person then I say no issue.

Either you fulfill each others needs or let live as long as they are not playing away from home. Life is to short, to control his urges if they are not directly affecting you.

Others may disagree but to call porn evil and cheating is pure pearl clutching.

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:10

@LemonDrop22 You can eye roll as much as you want. He isn’t paying for it and he isn’t chatting to them so I don’t see the issue. It’s basically the same as porn.

W0tnow · 10/10/2022 12:10

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:06

Have you ever had a conversation with him about porn or webcams? If not, how is he supposed to know you wouldn’t be okay with it?

This again!? Is the default position that a woman would be ok with it? Are you female?

Spendernone · 10/10/2022 12:11

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:10

@LemonDrop22 You can eye roll as much as you want. He isn’t paying for it and he isn’t chatting to them so I don’t see the issue. It’s basically the same as porn.

This 100%

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:11

@W0tnow Yes, I’m female. I’m married with children.

I’m not really into webcams myself but I watch a lot of porn and don’t see how this is different.

monsteramunch · 10/10/2022 12:12

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:07

Whereas webcam performances aren't staged?! He's either stupid enough to believe that or thinks you are.

I'm going to go with the latter.

Though he may be referring to the fact that thern watching the sex worker live - or specifically the men watching and paying direct the 'action" and tell her what to do. Like a sort of interactive sex doll you tell what to do.
Maybe he likes that aspect of it.

Absolutely.

As I said I personally think it's because they like the idea of a woman doing their bidding (or that of the other blokes watching) in real time.

Dancing to their tune and doing what they're told to do.

Men completely in control of a woman and her body.

Extra gross.

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:12

LetstalkaboutBruno · 10/10/2022 12:07

Comment one - I have no idea. Nothing to do with me so I don’t know how much they earn or what their targets are. It’s literally none of my business. One does a lot of modelling/photo shoots and she regularly posts on her Instagram about how much she trains to keep her figure in check. So my guess is that she enjoys it?

Comment Two - no, not with the one particular lady I mentioned. Others, who knows??

Comment Three - one lady I know her entire family knows, it’s on all of her social media and her family and friends comment on her posts.

Comment Four - see above. She has no kids just yet, but posts pictures of her and boyfriend regularly. So she obviously has no issues surrounding anonymity.

If someone is HAPPY doing it, why bash them? Your choices and lifestyle is yours… not anyone else’s.

You’re very angry and very, very, very dominating (in more ways that one) on this post, I am sure that this is NOT helping the OP in an already emotional state of affairs over this topic.

Show quote history

There was literally not one angry word on my questions to you about the wider implications of doing sex work for the women you know. Not one.

It was a list of questions about common scenarios thst crop up for sex workers.

I haven't a notion what your agenda is with that ... Discrediting, no doubt.

You didn't really answer those questions either.

Original poster

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 12:13

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:06

Have you ever had a conversation with him about porn or webcams? If not, how is he supposed to know you wouldn’t be okay with it?

Yes we actually did. He apparently thought I was joking... this is bull because it came up a few months later and he said he didn’t watch it anymore because I didn’t like it. When I pointed this out he said he forgot 🙄

OP posts:

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:14

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:10

@LemonDrop22 You can eye roll as much as you want. He isn’t paying for it and he isn’t chatting to them so I don’t see the issue. It’s basically the same as porn.

Sure thing.

Shiningstarr · 10/10/2022 12:14

TurmericFan · 10/10/2022 11:14

[Single] man here. I became addicted to this myself in lockdown.

If he is watching the free ones, the popular women have anything from 200 to 7500 other people watching at the same time. He is just part of an anonymous audience. How it works is a small minority of the audience will be continuously giving tips (anything from £1 to £100) to keep the show going. Most shows are explicit but not all of them! Some very popular free ones are dancing and strip-tease.

So it is absolutely believable that he has had zero interaction with the women. He is just another number in the audience, he wouldn't be able to get their attention anyway.

Why he's doing it and whether it matters, is another question.

Lol. Stop trying to normalise this behaviour and make it ok. It's not.

Cw112 · 10/10/2022 12:15

I would find this a bit ick and would be creeped out personally but I do think there's a conversation to be had around boundaries between you both. He's probably done this from before you were together and has seen it as separate from you. I generally dislike porn and its equivalents because of the exploitation factor and the fact you don't really know who's being coerced etc behind the scenes so I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner contributing to that even in a free capacity. However a lot of people see porn as a harmless outlet so that would make me inclined to have a chat with him, explain how it's impacted you and what your concerns around it are. Then the ball is in his court. If he continues doing it then you have a decision to make, however if it's a deal breaker for you right now then I think you're within your rights. My point is just that there are people who see it as harmless so he might not have considered it from your perspective. On an aside I'd be making moves to try and build some new friendships and hobbies into my week so you aren't so reliant on him, you deserve to have your own stuff going on too.

Megifer · 10/10/2022 12:15

Would you be happy if he popped round to your neighbours and just watched her strip off etc?

Original poster

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 12:15

YellowTreeHouse · 10/10/2022 12:10

@LemonDrop22 You can eye roll as much as you want. He isn’t paying for it and he isn’t chatting to them so I don’t see the issue. It’s basically the same as porn.

It’s a form of prostitution IMO.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinklemons9 · 10/10/2022 12:15

Megifer · 10/10/2022 12:15

Would you be happy if he popped round to your neighbours and just watched her strip off etc?

Hell no! And this for me isn’t much different!

OP posts:

LemonDrop22 · 10/10/2022 12:15

Masturbation is a natural function

Masturbation and porn are separate things.

Anonymouslyposting · 10/10/2022 12:17

Haven’t RTFT so sorry if I miss something.

Personally, I don’t really see a difference between watching porn and watching webcam girls so long as he’s not interacting with the women. I wouldn’t mind DH watching porn so long as it wasn’t a big part of his life and didn’t impact our sex life. So personally I’d be ok with what you’ve described. However, it clearly makes you uncomfortable so he should respect that and stop if you ask him to.

If he is chatting to the women or interacting with them in any way that would be much more like cheating for me and I wouldn’t tolerate it.

It would also make a difference what kind of girls he was watching. Obviously you can’t tell for certain but if there was anything that indicated they were being pressured into it that would also be a red line for me.