Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

Nope, if the employee knows what’s happening and joins in they are a shitty person. And getting in the (proverbial) bed with a shithead who will likely screw them over.

The employee is responsible for being part of something shitty.

I was the OW, literally lost 95% of my friends and the ones who stuck around I hardly see. I have a 10 month old, and all I really have is my family. It’s been 5 years, I still think about it every single day. I was at a low point in my life and made a mistake - it’s really shit but it’s my own fault. I hope I do make some new friends one day.

IMO, if my DH cheated, 100% of my anger would be directed at him. I do not care about the woman; she would not be special. If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Now, if I found out my friend was an affair partner, I'd think less of them and distance myself as a result. That's not internal misogyny or hating women or whatever. That's thinking 'regardless of who took the vows, you know you are an instrument in hurting a person/a family/children. That's pretty shitty of you and I don't want that in my life'

There's billions of people in the world. It says a lot ab you that you'd pick a sleazy, low-moraled, legally and emotionally attached one.

Because they are knowingly helping to destroy a marriage or a family! Why would anyone be friends with someone like that? The only exception I would make is where the OW genuinely didn't know the man was married before getting involved.

If they know the background to the job yes. I wouldn’t trust them not to throw me under the bus if I got in the way if something they wanted

If I found my employer had done this, I would look to leave.

If I knew a colleague had, knowingly participated, I wouldn’t trust them and would not mix with them. I certainly wouldn’t keep in touch when I left.

They wouldn’t be trust worthy to me. Colleague or employer.

My husband is 100% to blame for cheating on me, no question, he is the utter cunt who has shit all over everything we built together over the last 23years.

She also played a part, anyone that knowingly involves themselves with a married man has questionable integrity and is slightly scummy. I feel that way regardless of the sex of the people doing the cheating fwiw.

Ultimate responsibility lies with him though.

Any person who pursues a relationship with another person who is already married/in a committed relationship is a disgusting human. So is the person who cheats on their partner/spouse.
I would (and have) end a friendship over this. My BIL ended his marriage for an OW. I am NC with both because they disgust me.

Not necessarily, no. The new employee will likely only be given the employers side anyway like in an ow situation.

in reality most people don’t concern themselves with what happened to the employee in their position before them. Nor does a new employee have the power to get the previous employee fired. It’s the employers choice.

@MsPincher Let's say a friend told me her other friend ran a company and was giving an employee impossible performance targets and bullying them in order to push them out, and knowing that the person would struggle to fight a case for constructive dismissal. Let's say this was only done so the friends could work together. I would not want to be friends with this person. As they are essentially encouraging someone to sack/ bully rather than simply getting another job.

Some women just like moralising and policing other women. It's always been that way.

Most of my friends and I have had affairs at some point or another. I suppose that means we have similar moral framework/lack of. Really couldn't care less what my friends get up to in consensual sexual relationships, and neither could they. We all manage to be responsible PTA Chair types in our free time and hold down well paid public sector jobs caring for others. Affairs are fairly normal in some circles.

Agree that many are missing the point. Most affair partner women are married themselves, not single and sat at home all sad.

Would you walk away from a job you really wanted if it meant a random person had to lose their position?

To be clear. Yes absolutely. And I would I have no respect for anyone who did otherwise. And yes, I have seen this in happen large corporates and I have made my opinion clear. I have morals, as do most but not all people I encounter.

If there was a performance issue with the "random person" then their management should deal with this first.

Apologies for troll hunting, I was just trying to think the best of previous posters.

I don't respect OW simply because they are enabling a man to treat women like shit. How on earth anyone could fancy a man who is willing to risk his family for a shag is beyond me. Pathetic.

@NortieTortie "There's billions of people in the world. It says a lot ab you that you'd pick a sleazy, low-moraled, legally and emotionally attached one."
Exactly that!

Because knowingly shagging someone else's partner is an action that shows me your moral compass is lacking irredeemably.

There are lots of comments about it being easier to blame the OW or being misogynist but for me that's not it. I think the unfaithful man is also deplorable.

It tells me you are selfish, thoughtless, and have no care for the pain you inflict on the innocent party / parties in it all. Why should some poor wife sit at home and wonder why she isn't enough? Why he couldn't be honest enough to end things first? What the ow had that she didn't?

I also don't get this. The morals thing is shit. It is almost like you can be the worst arse but this is worse. V odd. I am not an OW but I do feel the hatred is out of proportion.

Oh you are sophisticated!
If everybody does surely it's swinging? A completely different proposition.

I would love to but won't comment about your caring job.

To me this shows that people do tend to mix with others with the same beliefs and moral compass . I personally would not be happy in a group of friends who all seem to think that being the other woman or man is the norm and therefore to do e extent justify their behaviour

All these poor innocent OW! My heart bleeds for them.

I totally blame my ex-H for cheating on me. I also think the OW was pretty scummy as she stood chatting and laughing with me in the pub whilst she was also shagging my ex. She knew perfectly well he was married to me. It also made things very awkward for me at work as I had to deal with a family member of hers in a professional capacity.

I've said it before on here but I hope that anyone who is knowingly the OW experiences the absolute agony I went through.

If you're comfortable with being involved in causing that amount of pain to someone else then you're probably not the kind of person I would want to be friendly with anyway.

'Most of my friends and I have had affairs at some point or another. I suppose that means we have similar moral framework/lack of.'

Yep, I guess it does.

Weird that the internalised misogyny is always shouted by the women who actually clearly think it's ok to involve yourself with a man putting their wife in such jeopardy! Ironic!

Can I ask - would the posters on here saying they would end a friendship if that person was having an affair - would they end it for say - embezzlement, or cheating on an exam - what’s the cut off. Both potentially could have a negative effect on home life of another family - ie stealing from employer means less money for that employer - cheating on an exam - getting a job on the strength of passing that exam - another more deserving person missing out. Where’s the line ??

i am a very loyal person and would find it difficult to cut someone off for participating in something Like an affair if they were single - the one who promised caused the pain- not my friend who let’s face it could be anyone!

You can be friends or not friends with anyone you like.

But you are absolutely delusional if you think OW don't come in for way more criticism on here and in general than MM. The sheer number of threads about them in comparison, the way the posts start with a quick line about the MM to get him out of the way before launching into paragraphs about how disgusting the OW is. The anger when this is observed and resulting accusations that this must mean we are saying OW should never be mentioned, as if a) we said anything of the sort and b) there's any chance ever of this happening.

I think blaming people who do forgive for giving the impression that men cheating is really poor, tbh.

I didn't blame people who forgive. I didn't even blame people who focus on the OW way beyond the married sexually incontinent dogs, or even "equally" (yeah right), and jeer that OW is headed for heartbreak while MM is headed for more sex and that this is right and proper. Unlike so many on here, I hold married people 100% responsible for their marriages, and I do mean 100%, not "100% but let me actually dilute it with a few paragraphs about the evil disgusting OW".

But I do say that the latter people do indeed contribute to a world where the sexually incontinent dogs are only half responsible, at most, for their own commitments, and deserve the reward of more sex. Because they do, and it's a sexist double standard that enables exactly what you rightly hate so much. I'm sorry if the truth offends you.

Well put.

Some of the vitriol against OWs on here is quite frightening. I think some posters seriously consider sleeping with a married man on a par or worse than murder.

A lot of it is fear because they don't trust their men and they'd rather blame the OW than admit their marriages are on shaky ground.

@ArcticSkewer None of my friends have cheated on any partner or spouse that I know of. I have a social circle of girlfriends that I have known since secondary school and I can imagine if someone told us they were seeing a married man that they would be heavily criticised. Including to their face by me. It definitely varies from social circle to social circle.

My friends saw what an affair did to me, and is still doing.
If they could go off and do the same to another woman, then they can fuck off out of my life. They are scum.