Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

Let’s face it- many men think with their dicks.

It’s really not a talent to get a married man to want to shag you. Most of us have the morals not to do so though.

So when you get sad women who think they are something wonderful and superior because they are sneaking around with a married man (usually with young kids) then it really is rather grating.

They clearly have no moral compass. Just my thoughts.

Sorry my original post was longer but seems to have vanished.

What does the woman get out of it. Even if you really fancy the bloke surely the fact he’s married if off putting? Knowing he’s being a twat to his wife. How low does your self esteem need to be. Why would you buy into an affair? Just tell him you’re available when he is and leave it there.
Its not misogyny because it’s equally valid to both sexes. Married people are off limits unless you have the consent of both. Why is that unreasonable?

Chefs kiss 😚

In that case, so do the other 49%.
So, that's everyone.
That renders "The sisterhood" irrelevant.
Therefore I stick by my statement

I dislike both men and women who cheat or participate in cheating.

And there it is, yet again. The same thing I've pointed out a zillion times on this thread.

"What does the woman get out of it?"

Like I've said. We never question why a man cheats. We don't like it, but he's a man, so we don't question why. But a woman? Suddenly it's a great mystery. Because women shouldn't have independent desires, women shouldn't like sex or intimacy for their own sake, women's sexuality should shut down if there's anything illicit about it. She must have low self esteem, she must be demeaning herself.

Men never get this shit. We don't approve of a cheating man but we never ask why he might enjoy an affair even if he shouldn't. But women, women don't have sex drives, or if they do, they need to be tightly morally policed and she automatically demeans herself in a way a man never does.

And this is supposed to be an argument against the thread being full of rank misogyny?

And you're not a misogynist.

"If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children, there are better hills to die on".

Fabulous response.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks not mysoginy 10/10 at all. Some men as well as women are vultures when they pose as friends but are no friends at all. This does not take any responsibility off the cheater, whatever their gender or sexuality. Not all OW and OM are the same is my point and I am not differentiating between man or women. Some are tricked by the married person looking for the affair, some are vulnerable themselves, some have no care in the world but for themselves. Again before you wave the mysoginy flag again, this applies to all genders and sexualities. In my experience there was A OW, but her gender doesn't matter to me, I wouldn't have been less angry if it was a man my husband cheated on!
And I repeat the husband is bustard n1! But that doesn't absolve the other person of their responsibility when they play the friend part with me.

If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children

Diluting men's personal responsibility is exactly what hurts women and children. Sorry, fucking vultures and children.

It's actually sinister that you and so many others can't understand that.

@Meseekslookatme
'In that case, so do the other 49%.
So, that's everyone.
That renders "The sisterhood" irrelevant.
Therefore I stick by my statement'
You haven't shown that 'the sisterhood doesn't exist' though.

So from this thread I have learned that some people think it’s misogynistic to say that women are responsible for their own choices.

Its misogynistic to talk about how affairs involve abuse and in no other situation would you absolve someone of supporting and taking part in that abuse.

But it’s ideal feminist behaviour to;

To say that is a married woman stays with her cheater of a husband, it’s because she must have worst taste in men than the OW. Completely ignoring the economical and emotional fallout for women and children over a split. The married woman must have chosen to do so because she thinks the man is a prize. It’s also ok to talk about her choice with slight contempt.

To play down the married woman’s reaction to being cheated on and the impact on her mental health because ‘well she must have been mentally ill before this to have such a reaction’

To refer to the men as potential suitors and feel it’s ridiculous for any woman to turn down a potential suitor based on the fact that his is married, as though women have a duty to find a man, any man and should never turn down a man who is interested.

To pretend that womens agency disappears when they approached by a Married man. They can’t be responsible for their own actions

That women have a get out clause of ‘well if it wasn’t me, it would be someone else’, I assume that pertains to any behaviour. Bullying a co-worker for example. It’s ok to do, because if they weren’t doing it, someone else would. Or maybe it’s only when married men are involved in the bullying as well it’s ok.

Women don’t have to ever think about the impact of their actions, unless they have entered a contract with someone.

To liken OW to prostitutes As long as you believe the mythical misogynistic trope of the ‘happy hooker’

That women are misogynistic for not wanting to be friends with someone who part takes in the abuse of another woman.

Pretend that OW that have no clue they are the OW are exactly the same as OW who do know and make a choice. Completely ignoring the lack of choice on the part of the first group. Ignoring that consent may have been with held, has the first group known.

Not be able to provide one other example where 2 people take part in abuse or any poor behaviour but only one is deemed to have any responsibility at all.

Odd thread.

So from this thread I have learned that some people think it’s misogynistic to say that women are responsible for their own choices

After 33 pages and plenty of exposition on this its really hard to understand how you could have taken this from the thread.

Lets break it down to a simple illustration.

Say a woman asks a married man to have sex with her. She is responsible for asking that question.

If the married man does have sex with her, he is he alone is responsible for having that sex. As he is an adult with agency and could have said no. He and only he is responsible for his fidelity, or in this case, lack of.

No-one is saying its misogynistic to think women are responsible for their choices. Some of us are saying it IS misogynistic to say women are responsible for men's choices.

If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children

You can't fight patriarchy by saying women are responsible for men's choices. That is supporting patriarchy. That is supporting a patriarchy as old as humanity.

But that doesn't absolve the other person of their responsibility when they play the friend part with me

If your friend cheated with your H, then your friend is responsible for betraying your friendship and trust. They are not responsible for your H's lack of fidelity. That is on him. Because he had the choice to say no.

I like my friends to have morals. I couldn’t be friends with someone who was seeing a married man.

Its not misogyny because it’s equally valid to both sexes. Married people are off limits unless you have the consent of both. Why is that unreasonable?

The misogyny on this thread is that the focus is again, on the OW, not the H. If the attacks were equally targeted at men and women it would not be misogynistic. Its the imbalance in the volume attacks, and the difference in the ferocity of attacks aimed at OW compared to H's.

Its not at all unreasonable to take a moral position that married people are off limits. It is unreasonable to say if a married man has extra-marital sex then the women he had sex with is responsible. Its misogynistic to say men are not wholly responsible for their own sexual conduct, whether that's having affairs, committing sexual assault, street harassing women, or demanding women cover their bodies to avoid 'tempting men'.

After 33 pages, that women are claiming still not to have understood this really quite simple point, I can only now conclude is because they are emotionally invested in some way in not understanding it. In some way, it serves them emotionally and psychologically. And that continuation of that cultural belief about women, and their responsibility for men's sexual behaviour, damages all women and girls. And has for millenia.

I've read plenty of nasty condescending shit thrown at women on this thread, but no one, nowhere ever said that men are not responsible for their choices or that women are responsible for men's choices. It's all inside your head @Hitatiks

Take a bow 👏👏👏👏👏

If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children, there are better hills to die on

And actually, it is a hill to die on. Because the attitude you are wanting us to endorse, the one that says women do have responsibility for men's sexual behaviour, has led to women being genitally mutilated, having their breasts ironed, and being forced to wear burqas and not allowed outside without a male guardian, and a whole host of other physical and social violence. I will die on that hill. Women making sure no other women is ever held responsible for men's behaviour - now that's I call a sisterhood.

@Hitatiks So you're fighting women to destroy male oppression. Gotcha.

Most posters are blaming both the cheating men and the OW, the reason why most of the posts sway towards discussing the OW more is because the OPs question was primarily focussed on why people feel the way they do about OW. I don’t think it has anything to do with more blame being placed on the OW.

Like I've said. We never question why a man cheats. We don't like it, but he's a man, so we don't question why. But a woman? Suddenly it's a great mystery. Because women shouldn't have independent desires, women shouldn't like sex or intimacy for their own sake, women's sexuality should shut down if there's anything illicit about it. She must have low self esteem, she must be demeaning herself.

Er Thats literally the point if the thread lWhy blame the OW.

An analogy fir husbands could be drug dealers . Thery’re the ones who get in the most trouble but they are committing a crime and causing misery behind the sciences .But really if people stopped buying it would really help. Non drug users don’t use the excuse that you were offered some and you just really fancied it. You think about the consequences. If you really want some grow or pick your own.

@Hitatiks
But that doesn't absolve the other person of their responsibility when they play the friend part with me
In my case, and probably for many other, the OW or OM was a stranger to start with and was introduced by the spouse as a friend as part of the affair and started acting friendly building rapport and getting closer to the whole family. That is deplorable, man woman or whatever, on both cheating parts. They is a dark sense of pleasure to fool the cheated person amd degrade them this way, pay back for not deserving the prize cheating spouse. At least in my case. All stories are different, those that willingly part take in abuse are horrible, nothing about mysoginy

In this thread women have been blamed for hurting women and children, causing suicide, wives being infected with HIV, causing trauma to wives. Posters have explicitly made statements such as ' women enable cheating as men can't cheat if they have no-one to cheat with'.

This thread has absolutely and explicitly been about women being responsible not only for men's cheating but also the consequences of it. Only men are responsible for their sexual behaviour, as only they have control, and full control, over their sexual behaviour.