Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

I sometimes despair at the state of the world. How selfish society seems to be

I agree

Many do not wish to take any personal responsibility, it is that which rankles.

@ViolinPin when they say there is no sisterhood what they really mean is that they hate women not like them.

Depends on if they know the other person is taken. Regards of man or woman, if you know someone is taken and you go there anyway then you aren't all that pleasant. Don't wreck homes if you are the cheater or the cheater-enabler.

Yes, that's precisely what I meant!
🙄

@Meseekslookatme and married women the most, right?

I think it's easy to blame the OW as the home wreaker - the chances are the marriage was on the rocks and would have ended anyway. Does the spouse who didn't cheat ever feel any responsibility for the relationship failing?

Not that I owe an explanation...
51% of the population should have my back because of their sex?
Life doesn't really work like that.
Some of the cruelest, nastiest people I've encountered have been women. I owe them nothing, I owe you nothing, nobody owes me anything.
The sisterhood does not exist.

‘If my OH cheated on me with a friend of mine, I'd hate both of them, because they'd both owe me something.

If my OH cheated on me with a stranger, I'd just hate my OH. A stranger owes me very little.’

pretty much agree with that. I don’t think anyone owes strangers much.

pretty much agree with that. I don’t think anyone owes strangers much

Good luck with that world view.

Very philanthropical of you.
Fuck em all eh ?

And I bet you spout left wing politics aswell 😞

I do get your point but I'm not sure why you are so keen to defend OW. Are you one.

House!

In fact, It's none of your damned business. But this tired, predictable point was bound to appear at some stage on this thread, and a wholly childish, irrelevant point (personal attack) it is. As will be the inevitable reply to this observation, which will undoubtedly be a finger immediately pointed at a quote from it with more howls of 'Ha! You must be an OW! GOTCHYA!' underneath it.

If so, knock yourself out. It only matters to people who give a tin shit about answering intrusive questions or justifying their behaviour to a bunch of fonts. I'm not one of them.

It bears pointing out that others could equally assume, were they of a mind to do so, that there are those on this thread who protest waaaay too much. Same rule applies: their shenanigans are no one else's business either, and this is a childish, unnecessarily personal way to conduct a 'debate'.

I suggest growing up.

'I owe them nothing, I owe you nothing, nobody owes me anything.'
@Meseekslookatme yes they do actually, they owe you respect and they owe you to not hurt you.

The comments upthread about cultural misogyny, the stigmatizing of female sexual behaviour whilst giving males a free (hall) pass for committing 3x the indiscretions committed by females whilst they are censured for as little as wearing low-cut tops, are bang on the money. So, too, are the concerns which to my mind are serious: that women's rights, autonomy, and even agency are currently going backward, fueled by the likes of the red pill/incel sites legitimizing views that would have been seen as antediluvian if spoken in public a mere two decades ago. That's without the current in-vogue assumption from some quarters that 'woman' is itself a dirty word. We've moved from certain significant milestones: legislation against marital rape, protections in the work space, back to women being stigmatized as taboo.

One double standard we've never moved past is that of women's sexual behaviour receiving far harsher censure than anything a man would do. For this, you need only to look at the taboo language surrounding promiscuous women as opposed to promiscuous men to see precisely how stark this divide is.

The risible observation that 'if women didn't make themselves available', man wouldn't cheat' is a case in point. This is infantalizing men, denying their agency for their own choices of behaviour, whilst putting the blame squarely on women. Plus sa change.

See also: 'we had a wonderful relationship with our son until he married HER!'

The married man is divested of any responsibility whatsoever whilst so easy a scapegoat exists. It's blatant misogyny, aside from which, it's actually insulting to men.

There’s nothing to back that statement up though, if that belief isn’t subscribed to. It only has power if people believe in, and practice, that.

judging by the number of affairs that happen, plenty do not.

I think this is the root here.
Some people feel that they owe nothing to anyone unless there’s something in it for them.

True in a way - but what a horrible world to live in if everyone thought the same.

I do get your point but I'm not sure why you are so keen to defend OW. Are you one.

*House!

In fact, It's none of your damned business*

And this is exactly how married women feel and people in commited relationships.

The irony, I want my privacy but I don't mind intruding in your life. I want to share your husband's dick, his money, his time, his abuse of you and your children, and a whole host of other shit that will ultimately destroy you and your peace of mind.

Do you mind? well actually yes I do I think it's unfair.

Try finding a single person, it's what may of us do, it's good for the soul, good for the concience, gives you serenity and keeps your concience clear, it's great.

The respect from other people is lovely and creates good mental health, there are benefits to being kind to others, a weird concept to many on here I know, but I suggest trying it.

If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children, there are better hills to die on.

WHOOOSH!

What a sad state of affairs, god help us if everyone felt this way and I really worry about the future if this is what kids are being taught by parents.

@notingthewear long relationships are never linear. There are highs and lows. Some so-called friends sometimes wait for these low-times in these relationships to act and get their trophy, surely the married person should be stronger but the OW/OM certainly do interfere. The story of the marriage being on the rocks already sounds as an excuse to absolve the two parties to the cheating with the married cheater 90% responsible and blaming the rest on the cheated party that couldn't keep up etc. Ah my heart bleeds for the poor OW/OM taking the blame for rescuing a poor married spouse from a ruined relationship, statue should be erected for those modern day heroes!!! Both parties to an extra marital affair are as bad as each other

WHOOOSH

Good retort, what are you 12

@Meseekslookatme 'There’s nothing to back that statement up though, if that belief isn’t subscribed to. It only has power if people believe in, and practice, that.'

There are centuries of evolution to back that statement and perhaps millions of people have died on that hill. It has power even if only one person practices it. There is no society without it.

I agree, many woman are fucking vultures, especially if there's money, presteige or fame involved.

I agree, many woman are fucking vultures, especially if there's money, presteige or fame involved.

And there it is. Misogyny 10/10.

You miss the point so spectacularly (and disingenuously used selective quoting which ignored the bulk of that post which had already amply answered your irrelevant sidesways digression), that I refuse to take you in any way seriously.

HTH.

@ViolinPin 'If you're going to fight patriarchy, find a cause that doesn't hurt other women and children, there are better hills to die on.'
Perfection.

‘One double standard we've never moved past is that of women's sexual behaviour receiving far harsher censure than anything a man would do.’

yup. I think that’s why straight women Blame other women for ‘stealing’ their man. The gay women I know who’ve found themselves in the same position fire their angerX rightly, at their partner and not the OW.
we don’t have to dance around sexual politics as much as straight women. we don’t have to worry about looking ‘easy’ if we shag someone on the first date. In fact I know several women married to their one night stand… me included.