Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

Again there is misogyny here. It’s not the ow fault your husband cheated. It’s not yours either. Forgot all that crap about “letting yourself go”. It’s his fault he behaved how he did. Not your fault.

Well, if he refuses her, she'll have to find a way to help it, won't she? Her choices don't mean squat. She isn't in the marriage, she hasn't got the power to wreck it.

This is the weakest attempt at an about turn since "you're the sexist if you think Karen is a sexist insult" guy.

Your replies make no sense.

No, you just can't follow them.

No it isn’t. HIS behavior is his responsibility. Entirely his responsibility. It is not “enabled” by other women. It’s his responsibility.

The wedding never went ahead.

They'd both been having an affair for a long time.

Mutual decision. Mutual choice.

Bravo 👏👏👏

What about women who cheat on women, like you did?

‘These ow hate women, deeply ingrained jealousy of their female species.’

I doubt they give much thought to them, most people when it comes to love just think of themselves first and foremost…

No. No. It hasn't.

You are completely misunderstanding the arguments if you think that.

I wonder if there is a subset of women who blame the ow as they see
themselves in competition with them for the resources of her man. They
see men as providers and ow are stealing their income source. So it’s
not about the person at all

Of course it's about resources for many families, ask any single mother who has been deserted if an affair has affected her financial situation, why are you so keen to nobelise being an ow through being financially independant. I have empathy for young married women who are left high and dry, why do you not have empthy? Do you hate women who are financially helped by men ?

And are you throwing that assumption at me ? that my main concern was money, ok 😂

Anyway it’s not for all women globally to stop your husband cheating. It has to be his responsibility

Is this to shame me into submission, what are you implying, that I'm too ugly, too old, too undesirable, too uninteresting to keep my married man. So what's with the ow who went with my h, what did she do, a proud strong ow who decided to attempt suicide when my h dumped her. Are you going to ask her, how dare she have feelings ? No you'd probably be sympathetic towards her, of course you would.
It's your club.

I really don't care that you are attacking me personally to prove a point, bring it on, it only shows how much you hate good women and are prepared to humiliate and denegrate women who dare to have a monogamous relationship in the face of such opposition.

You really are women haters, do you all have daddy issues ?

These ow hate women, deeply ingrained jealousy of their female species.

Their what?

Are women now being discussed like zoological exhibits? By people who claim not to be misogynistic?

Do MM stray because they're jealous of OW's partners?

The ridiculousness, like the misogyny, is endless. What a depressing thread.

Is this to shame me into submission, what are you implying, that I'm too ugly, too old, too undesirable, too uninteresting to keep my married man

She never said that at all. She actually said the opposite by laying responsibility squarely with the husband.

Once again: the complete inability to understand "it's all the man's fault" without there being some sort of female failing in there.

‘Anyway it’s not for all women globally to stop your husband cheating. It has to be his responsibility’

oh, I dunno, maybe there is a world wide conspiracy by jealous women- hating women seducing poor, weak men away from their partners…

There is no sisterhood.

Do MM stray because they're jealous of OW's partners?

Yeah lots do, mm like shagging ow's husband to get one over on them.

Many of the ow I've known became one, as a manoever to suplant a wife or to exit a marriage, or be available to someone out of their league in some way.

Laziness in many cases, they see something they want and go after it, and if you think affairs are all down to a male being predative, you are sadly mistaken.

Many women are very active in finding a mate, always have been, always will be, and that applies to all women, it's just some women have a better, fairer and more sympathetic vetting system.

There is no sisterhood

Yes there is.

Of course the man is responsible. He is totally responsible if having an affair. It still means the OW is making a shitty choice in going along with it.

I sometimes despair at the state of the world. How selfish society seems to be, the loss of community and looking out for others, people literally not giving a shit about others as long as they're ok. Always putting themselves first even if it hurts other people. "Me, me, me because I'm entitled to do what I like and who cares about the collateral damage?" I think this applies to lots of things... could be refusing to recycle because it's too much of a convenience, could be stepping over someone that's fallen in the street because you don't want to get involved, could be shagging someone that's married just because you want to. It's all selfish behaviour. The OW isn't responsible for the man's actions, that's on him. But I still would question her moral compass and why she would go along with it when she so easily could choose not to?

My opinion has evolved as I've got older.

If my OH cheated on me with a friend of mine, I'd hate both of them, because they'd both owe me something.

If my OH cheated on me with a stranger, I'd just hate my OH. A stranger owes me very little.

If I had no connection to the couple, and it was my friend who was the affair partner, how I would feel about him/her would depend on the circumstances. I think it would make a difference as to whether they found out they were the bit on the side afterwards, or if they started a relationship knowing they were the bit on the side.

I think it would also make a difference if there were kids involved etc.

An affair is bad enough, but having an affair where there are kids involved is a whole other level of being a shit human.

Does it have a membership card?

Some other women get really sucked in by the husband who is saying stuff to them like the —marriage is over -we are only living together for the sake of the children -we no longer love each other -we have an open marriage et cetera et cetera the OW then gets really sucked in and falls head over heels in love with this unavailable man Who is promising that very soon he’s going to leave his wife no longer wants him and they can set up shop together.
Most OW do not date the husband knowing full well that he’s never going to be with her

They have been occasions where the husband has left a wife and him and the OW Have married and lived happy lives And had children
However statistically most husbands never leave their wives
I personally don’t see it as the OW fault - I see it as the husbands fault
0W It’s not 14 husband into a relationship neither is she cheating on anyone but most likely she is being fed a pack of lies Snd been emotionally abused As a result when someone is in love They cannot see past their Face . And get very hurt in the process when they realise that husband is not leaving their wife for them and they’ve spent thousands on this person and invested a lot of feelings and lost friends along the way as well as feeling shame and guilt.
I read up a lot on this because my ex partner although we are not married was cheating on me with someone else and I wanted to see it from her perspective ..I didn’t blame her even though I had a child although I thought that she was awful for cheating with a man who just had a baby with me ,.I Also knew he’d be very manipulative and love bombed her probably I made out that I was the wicked witch of the west. So no I don’t blame OW I blame the man

The OW isn't responsible for the man's actions, that's on him. But I still would question her moral compass
That's a fair position.

@MsPincher I totally blame him 100% but I can't deny OW played a part and hold her responsible for how she did it. Could have kept it outside of my home and not visiting as a friend etc. There are degrees in dignity on how people cheat as well.

I don't hate her for the fact my husband cheated on me with her, it could have been a million other women, and he is reaponsible for breaking our marriage, but how she did it. Someone could run you over with their car at 30mlies phour someone could do at 80 miles per hour. It does make a difference and they are both responsible.
Being angry at OW is as mysoginistic as pushing the idea of these free women or men who can shag around without a care in the world without thinking they will be hurting innocent people, unless you think cheated on people called it on themselves for whatever reason.

In my case the OW was my friend (at least I thought she was). Her betrayal actually took longer to recover from than ex-DH.