Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

There is a vast VAST difference.

I had no idea and when I did, I ended it.

You pursued it with the knowledge beforehand.

@OoooohMatron totally agree - I most definitely think that poor woman has been cheated on.

I had another moral argument in my head, though - should I have told her? I never btw, but always wonder if I did the right thing. I just didn't want to hurt the woman, that was the top and bottom of it but I've given myself shit over the years thinking it was the easy way out for me. It's a tough one!

@Hitatiks

Thanks, hun, I honestly won't lose sleep 🙄

I think it's clear that nobody blames the OW if they are unaware that the other person has a partner though. It's when they know and crack on regardless that people find abho

Personally I thought @Amybelle88 ’s post was articulate and spot on.

And I also think it’s obvious that this thread is intended to be about women who choose to be the OW, not women who are tricked into it and end the relationship once they find out.

‘I think it's clear that nobody blames the OW if they are unaware that the other person has a partner though.’

exactly! It’s not black and white, nothing in life is black and white…

23 years ago,I met a man I liked
we fell into a relationship and it was all going well-so I thought
until I fell pregnant-the pill failed for whatever reason (the baby is now 22)
straight away,I found out he was only bloody married-with a son-and his wife thought they where happy together
i swear to god,I had no idea about her
The shit I took for shagging a married man was unreal-I almost had a breakdown and was very ill for a long time afterwards-I was to blame for ‘chasing’ him
he took none-it wasn’t his fault he ‘forgot’ to mention his wife,broke his vows and let his child down (she divorced him but as far as I know,they got back together)
all he had to do is say our son wasn’t his,I’d been shagging about and it’ll surprise nobody that he’s never met my son and never paid a penny for him-the csa where worse than useless

my ex started shagging my best friend years later
they both knew we where dating-I’d just had his baby,but she did it because she really did have the morels of an alley cat-so did he and randomly her mother thought she could do no wrong and encouraged her to do it-the mother had her marriage destroyed by an ow and really seemed to think her dd should ‘right a wrong’ for her
i blame them both-they knew what they where doing
she fucking sat there,listening,while I was trying to work out what was going wrong-knowing full well she was the problem and that she’d be bouncing on his dick later that night and he was just as bad,peddling the ‘we don’t have sex anymore’ to her
(yes,because I’m fucking knackered doing everything while you did nothing,you cocklodger)

‘But then name calling and personal abuse never do achieve that, so they?’

nope! I’ve just come off a work call where I absolutely and completely DISAGREED with someone, and not once did I think to call them ‘bint’ or tell them to Fuck of them fuck off some more etc. and I can even begin to wonder what the consequences would have been if I went down that route!

@Thereisnolight ah you know what, thank you for this, I really do appreciate it, you're lovely.

Don't worry - I don't take any notice to it - I'm very comfortable in my moral standing. I believe as humans we are designed to make mistakes, but I believe that some mistakes come with choice and in the case of the OW, it's a choice. Anyone who hits back at me for this view is just an absolute doughnut in my opinion so I don't lose sleep.

And hey, I might not even be right but it's all about being at peace with your own morality, isn't it.

Thank you so much for the lovely comments ❤️

Probably would have been disciplined at the very least.

But we aren't in work, are we?

Again, calling someone a bint is nowhere near as foul as knowingly sleeping with someone's partner. But if it makes you sleep easier, hey, that's fine. You do what you do knowing that you can't be that bad, because someone on a virtually anonymous forum called someone a bint 🤦🏻‍♀️

‘23 years ago,I met a man I liked
we fell into a relationship and it was all going well-so I thought
until I fell pregnant-the pill failed for whatever reason (the baby is now 22)
straight away,I found out he was only bloody married-with a son-and his wife thought they where happy together’

inworked with someone that this happened too- he managed to keep his wife and kids unmentioned until my colleague was pregnant. He worked in the city so had a flat in town and a family in the country.
she had NO idea - they were together over a year before she knew he had a wife.

And yes, she did get massively judged as the OW as everyone else is perfect apparently and would have realised he had a family stashed away somewhere…

So, so sorry you went through this.

You were not the OW, either - not even close.

Again, I'm just so bloody sorry that someone did this to you.

Sorry posted too soon. Abhorrent. Nobody owes anyone anything. I don't 'owe' an elderly person my seat on the train. If I see a child lost in a shopping centre I don't 'owe' it to them or their parents to make sure they are safe but I wouldn't hesitate to do these things as I try to be a decent person, regardless of whether I know someone or not. I wouldn't shag someone else's bloke because I'd be contributing to potentially ruining someone's life.

I do wonder if the OW haters have all actually experienced being cheated on or if it’s something else.

‘But then name calling and personal abuse never do achieve that, so they?’’

TBH, as soon as someone starts swearing and name calling there’s little point with trying to engage in any conversation. They’ve already lost the plot and you’re going to get very little sense or rational thought out of them.

Never been cheated on.

I understand that nobody can say that with 100% certainty, however, I've never been cheated on knowingly therefore haven't got the experience of an OW in my life.

Also never been directly impacted by an affair, but have seen the fallout via friends. In fact, im going to call one and tell her not to worry about her husband having an affair because him and the OW (who knew alllll about her, where she worked, who her children are) may have just fancied the pants off each other so that's not too bad.

I just understand right from wrong and choose not to live my life intentionally harming other people. Go figure.

Probably a mixture.

I’ve never been murdered but I don’t condone murder.

‘I’ve never been murdered but I don’t condone murder.’

mmm, not quite on the same level if you ask me but I sort of see where you’re coming from! I’m just wondering if the ‘fuck off you bint’ mob have actually been cheated on or if it theoretical cheating that’s getting some on the thread so worked up about someone differing from the opinion that all OW are witches.

we always tell our kids that when someone loses the plot with them or is horrible to them it’s more about that person ( their mental health, insecurity, whatever) and not anything the kids have actually done/said.

I've never been cheated on (that I'm aware of anyway).

It was highly offensive and abusive and I'm glad it has been removed because it lowered the tone of the entire discussion (and that's saying something). A post is not correct or morally righteous just because it is long, emotive and abusive.

@ReneBumsWombats have to agree with you there.
a a soon as I see any poster losing it like that, name calling, I just generally scroll on by and don’t think anything the have to say is going to be worth listening to.

A post can be accurate as well as emotional and a bit sweary and in this case it was.

Yes because it makes it sound like something the cheater could just as well NOT have done, just an opportunistic fuck.

Why be so protective of OW’s? What’s in it for you?