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Original poster

Why do women hate an OW?

1000 replies

Oatmealbiscuits · 08/10/2022 17:47

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 10/10/2022 08:11

I don't understand some of the black and white thinking around this. She's not married therefore takes no responsibility say all. We are all responsible for our choices and behaviours. If this was DH of course I'd be mostly angry at him, he made his vows he lied to me etc, however that doesn't fully absolve the OW. She didn't know me but she knows I exist, she doesn't owe me anything but if everyone lived by this code the world would be awful. She owes it to herself and to society not to democratising make choices that hurt someone else.
A bully doesn't owe their victim anything, does that make it ok to disregard their feelings? Spitting on the floor, undermining someone's parenting

RewildingAmbridge · 10/10/2022 08:13

Expecting me to pick up every restaurant bill. Being unkind with language or dismissive of my feelings. People in life don't owe me anything but it doesn't mean I'd want to be friends with someone who behaves in this way.
We surround ourselves with people who share our beliefs and values, anyone who knowingly had an affair wouldn't share mine, any friendship is on shaky ground from there surely.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/10/2022 08:34

And we can all see that these threads are all started about OW. People don’t start threads about, ‘why does everyone hate a cheating man’, ‘why do women become OW’. Do they?

I've seen a few variations on the latter.

The former (unsurprisingly) never.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/10/2022 08:34

Cornflakegirll · 10/10/2022 07:51

But simply no one is denying that... no one on this thread. It's so tiresome to read the 'what about ery'

We're arguing that women also have personal agency and can choose to avoid perpetuating/encouraging/ participating in the abuse of other women.

Show quote history

Oh read it properly. Loads of people are saying it. They don't use those words because that's too honest, but they'll give a line to the MM and then paragraphs to the OW, or state that he's 100% responsible before wibbling off into some word salad to actually blame the OW while denying they're doing it.

And my God, do some of them get angry when it's denied them. Some posters are so blinded by their woman blaming that when I say the MM is completely responsible for his shittiness, they accuse me of saying affairs are OK. There's no intelligent discussion with that level of dishonesty. Others can't have the discussion without calling me a cunt, or think calling out misogyny and holding men responsible for where they put their dicks is "silencing women". Seriously, what are you supposed to do with people like this?

Apart from anything else, it's absolutely foolish to make a commitment and depend upon the rest of the world to keep it for you.

I have to assume that everyone who holds the OW responsible also thinks that they themselves are not solely responsible for staying true. If they did fail in that duty (yes yes, I know, they never would, but that's not the point), they'd presumably be blaming their affair partner? They hold all the other men in the world responsible for them not straying?

Not my style. I'm 100% responsible and I don't dilute my duty like that.

Badnewsoracle · 10/10/2022 08:37

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/10/2022 08:34

And we can all see that these threads are all started about OW. People don’t start threads about, ‘why does everyone hate a cheating man’, ‘why do women become OW’. Do they?

I've seen a few variations on the latter.

The former (unsurprisingly) never.

Because it's bloody obvious why everyone hates a cheating man!

Hitatiks · 10/10/2022 08:42

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 10/10/2022 08:34

And we can all see that these threads are all started about OW. People don’t start threads about, ‘why does everyone hate a cheating man’, ‘why do women become OW’. Do they?

I've seen a few variations on the latter.

The former (unsurprisingly) never.

Yeah, I mistyped, I meant to say ‘Why do men become OM,’ or ‘why do men cheat?’

Hitatiks · 10/10/2022 08:47

Because it's bloody obvious why everyone hates a cheating man!

oh come on! You can’t honestly believe that the reason thread after thread and post after post is dedicated obsessive to OW but not cheating men is because of this!
Yeah, it’s so obvious why we hate cheating men, but it’s fascinating and complex why women are OW and that’s why we chat endlessly about it! Please!

Hearthnhome · 10/10/2022 08:52

There's thread after thread after thread dissecting mens poor behaviour.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/10/2022 08:54

Badnewsoracle · 10/10/2022 08:37

Because it's bloody obvious why everyone hates a cheating man!

Show quote history

Thank you for acknowledging the crazy imbalance.

But this is really not the reason why we have so many threads and posts about how disgusting OW are and almost nothing, comparatively, about how disgusting cheating men are.

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:28

‘Because it's bloody obvious why everyone hates a cheating man!’

Really? Are they being dropped by their friends for being immoral or ‘cunts’ or ‘untrustworthy’?
Don’t think so… the double standard is obvious and glaring.

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:31

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Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:31

‘How the fuck do you know?’ @Amybelle88
because ending up in hospital because your partner had a fling is NOT usual. Someone with decent mental health is unlikely to be hospitalised over bad news.

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:32

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:28

‘Because it's bloody obvious why everyone hates a cheating man!’

Really? Are they being dropped by their friends for being immoral or ‘cunts’ or ‘untrustworthy’?
Don’t think so… the double standard is obvious and glaring.

By the way, it's hysterical how much the word cunt offends you but shagging someone else's husband doesn't.

You're just wired different, aren't you 🤦🏻‍♀️

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:35

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:31

‘How the fuck do you know?’ @Amybelle88
because ending up in hospital because your partner had a fling is NOT usual. Someone with decent mental health is unlikely to be hospitalised over bad news.

Not the case whatsoever.

A breakdown can come completely out of the blue. I mean, it'd be quite earth shattering to me and my kids and possibly one of the worst life events of my husband did this.

What criterion do you stipulate warrants a hospital stay?

You've shagged someone else's husband in the past and are doing whatever you can to minimise your part or your blame by belittling women who've been on the other side.

Go. And. Fuck. Off.

I sincerely, SINCERELY hope it never happens to you.

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:36

‘Ok, so by your standards (questionable), as women, because we want to fight a double standard, we should support the other woman (maybe she just fancies the pants of the man?!) and solely hate on the man because, y'know, feminism.’

calling out a glaring double standard - similar to promiscuous men are ‘studs’ or legends but women doing the same are ‘easy’or ‘sluts’ - isn’t choosing to support anyone, it’s just pointing out the hypocrisy.
and pointing out how many women are much harder on other women than any men.

as I said before, with LGBT couples in my experience, the anger gets directed to the right person. From the cheated on, to the cheater. For both men and women.

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 09:37

‘You've shagged someone else's husband in the past and are doing whatever you can to minimise your part or your blame by belittling women who've been on the other side.’

I haven’t, as it happens.

WhatsAVideo · 10/10/2022 09:47

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:35

Not the case whatsoever.

A breakdown can come completely out of the blue. I mean, it'd be quite earth shattering to me and my kids and possibly one of the worst life events of my husband did this.

What criterion do you stipulate warrants a hospital stay?

You've shagged someone else's husband in the past and are doing whatever you can to minimise your part or your blame by belittling women who've been on the other side.

Go. And. Fuck. Off.

I sincerely, SINCERELY hope it never happens to you.

Show quote history

Lol, you think the NHS would hospitalise someone for this? Don’t be daft. Tell me you’ve no experience with seriously mentally unwell people without telling me.

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:51

This reply has been deleted

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Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:56

Lol, you think the NHS would hospitalise someone for this? Don’t be daft. Tell me you’ve no experience with seriously mentally unwell people without telling me.

Firstly - don't chat shit and assume to know anything about me.

The NHS hospitalises people who are a danger to themselves or to others.

There are women out there who will try to commit suicide when they learn of an affair. Fact. That warrants sectioning.

For the record, I have a vast amount of experience with mentally unwell people through both personal and professional channels.

I won't speak professionally as that's not fair, but I've personally had a severe nervous breakdown - not due to someone shagging my husband, but due to a pancreatic cancer diagnosis (mine) triggering severe PTSD.

As I never ticked the boxes of danger to myself or danger to others, I wasn't committed, but was fully informed of the protocol by my clinical psychiatrist.

WhatsAVideo · 10/10/2022 10:04

Amybelle88 · 10/10/2022 09:56

Lol, you think the NHS would hospitalise someone for this? Don’t be daft. Tell me you’ve no experience with seriously mentally unwell people without telling me.

Firstly - don't chat shit and assume to know anything about me.

The NHS hospitalises people who are a danger to themselves or to others.

There are women out there who will try to commit suicide when they learn of an affair. Fact. That warrants sectioning.

For the record, I have a vast amount of experience with mentally unwell people through both personal and professional channels.

I won't speak professionally as that's not fair, but I've personally had a severe nervous breakdown - not due to someone shagging my husband, but due to a pancreatic cancer diagnosis (mine) triggering severe PTSD.

As I never ticked the boxes of danger to myself or danger to others, I wasn't committed, but was fully informed of the protocol by my clinical psychiatrist.

No, attempting suicide does not get you sectioned. Any more misinformation you want to spread?

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 10:05

‘You've openly said you had a fling with someone who had a partner, and you did so solely because you fancied the pants off them.’

I’m a woman. She was a woman, and not married but had a GF.
Maybe you live in a very straight world, I don’t.

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 10:10

’You say you don't believe in monogamy but are married - why bother?!’

I wondered if monogamy is a natural state for humans, many people do. I didn’t say I don’t believe in it.

many people who are married aren’t monogamous- and have agreed on this. Some of the happiest couple I know have an agreement in place around this.

I married for all the reason people get married, romantic and practical. I doubt anyone thinks ‘ oh, if I marry I’ll never be able to be intimate with anyone else ever again, brilliant!’

bloodyplanes · 10/10/2022 10:22

As I've got older and wiser i most certainly would reassess any friendship with someone ( male or female) who thought it was ok to be involved in a relationship with a married person or someone in a long term relationship. When i was younger I probably wouldn't have cared less but now i have learned that someone who is prepared to destroy another person's life to make themselves happy just isn't a decent person and they have very loose morals. Not something id choose in a friend. Yes the married person has the ultimate responsibility to their spouse but the side piece is clearly lacking in basic human decency and imo deserves every single bit of hurt that is coming their way.

WhatsAVideo · 10/10/2022 10:41

Approx 200,000 attempted suicides land in A&E per year and a PP thinks the NHS sections all of them. Hilarious.

Gotskeaswr · 10/10/2022 10:43

So going by some of the comments here the only women who cheat with someone who’s not single are basically sociopaths, with no morals, no human decency, not worthy of friendships…
statistically, I’m not sure it’s possible that there are actually so many sociopaths in the world…

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