Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

I’d feel the same if the person was male or female. They don’t have the same values as me. This also applies to racism and homophobia.

‘Always remember - if they'll cheat with you they'll cheat on you and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.’

That balls. It ignores the fact that circumstances are everything. I had a fling with someone who was with a guy because I was young, in love, and thought he was pondlife so felt no guilt whatsoever.
I’ve never had an affair since, am happily married.
some people do have multiple affairs - and that’s usual because of their own deep insecurities. But many more get caught up in something that they didn’t plan, and probably would not repeat, in hindsight…

Right, I'll make this abundantly clear.

If you went with another person and knew they had a partner, whether you are young or not, it's foul. We know right from wrong from a young age.

However, yes, there are shades of grey and there's a vast, vast difference between something like this and a person who does and it gives zero fucks about who they hurt in the process.

You being happily married now is irrelevant, although good for you, I'm happy for you.

The saying above refers to the person who done the cheating - ie the person who cheated on their partner, not you, but you were complicit.

It is not your responsibility to readjust someone's moral compas who will willingly hurt someone who they are in a relationship with, but it is your own responsibility to reign in your own actions.

Also, no blame can be placed on a person who had no idea the shithead they were seeing was already in a relationship.

But hey, maybe I'm wrong, fuck those long suffering partners who will have their self esteem ripped to shreds, their homes wrecked and their kids absolutely destroyed; it was just a fling and it's not the OW fault whatsoever.

@AssemblySquare wow. do you feel moral throwing insults like that around?

@AssemblySquare your language is vile and says way more about you than the person You are ABUSING. Do you feel justified in ABUSING people? I judge you more harshly than the person you are attacking.

@AssemblySquare from the vitriol here I’m guessing he dumped you quite recently?

Women are always much harder in one another. I know a few couples who don’t have an open relationship exactly but more of a Don’t Ask, don’t tell approach and it seems to work well.

That's not the same as an affair then is it, you regular genius! An unspoken agreement is different to your partner cheating on you.

Jesus.

If I were you I'd read into current affair psychology, plenty of people who claim their happy have affairs. They just want 'more' or feel they're entitled to 'more'.

This.

‘That's not the same as an affair then is it, you regular genius!’

Did I say it was? Clearly not. But perhaps this expectation of lifelong monogamy we have is unrealistic … otherwise why would so many people have flings and affairs?

All this right from wrong talk, wow, I do think about right from wrong a lot, maybe I'm too hard on myself, but for me it's just how I handle myself, how I think. Things I struggle with might include dealing with impatience calmly, not gossiping, not bitching, not judging, not snapping at people when I'm under stress, if I witness a wrong I will try try to muster up the bravery to do the right thing and see if I can contribute to rectifying it, If I witness somebody being excluded I will try to draw them in but without any fanfare that embarrasses them, if I experience jealousy I try to just make that about me, and use it to see what it is that I want out of my life and not to express resentment to another person. Every day I'm trying to practice right from wrong and that never includes rejecting or shunning another person for their human failings. It's about me.

Don't talk wet.

Maybe a small minority feel this way, but the vast majority of human beings seek a partner for life.

Next time you have a fling, just tell the partner "don't worry, love, monogamy is overrated", see if they agree.

You're happily married you said - maybe your husband or wife should cheat on you and tell you monogamy just isnt for them. See how you like it.

‘If I were you I'd read into current affair psychology,’

mmm, honestly I’m not that interested in why people have affairs! I know why I did - fancies the pants of them, their partner was an arse - though oddly they DiD end up married.
I know why my friend did - even though I thought she was mad for staying with him as long as she did …
I know why my boss did - classic midlife crisis, bored by family life…
rhere are always a myriad of reasons though.
inly a sociopath would do it to set out to try to destroy a relationship.

You sound nice. And the company you keep does, too.

Can we be friends?

I do think if DP had an affair I’d still be more pissed of with them than with the OW.

I presume you never married then seeing as you don't agree with monogamy.

You don't have to agree to be in a monogamous partnership, no one holds a gun to your head. Find a partner with similar values and try to make a commitment and bond with them.

I think many who come out with these statements often like the loyalty and devotion that a monogamous partner brings yet they themselves can't reciprocate the same feeling back.
In other words do as I say not as I do.

Would you expect the affair partner to be monogamous with you or are they too allowed to be shagging all and sundry at the same time.

Of course you would. So would most. Nobody is saying it's all on the other woman, but they're just as bad if they're a knowing participant.

Let's hope he doesn't just vacuously fancy the pants off someone and go for it before flippantly blowing it off as not a big deal because he was a victim of circumstance.

All the best 👍

Patriarchy.

Women are pitted against each other. We're taught that a man is a prize. That our value lies in our attractiveness to men.

If a man strays that is purely on him. Their dicks don't fall into other women, they put them there with very little enticement. In my many years of working in male dominated industries believe me when I tell you, there are very few who are faithful. When you play down your femininity, spend years dressing as plainly as possible you become an honorary bloke, as a junior my nickname was 'the boy' .You see a lot and hear a lot and you get hit on over and over and over again. And then you get hit on some more. It's relentless. That's not including the physical attempts or the man who asked me to have sex with him because his wife was pregnant so he hadn't seen a women in a while. His words exactly And I look like a potato with long hair.

I've known plenty of women be taken in by married men. Good women, lovely women who fall for the script. Ive heard someone I thought was a great guy complain the mother of his 3 kids was no longer a size 8 (he's gone bald himself) and then go on to have an affair with a much younger lady from accounts.

Yet everytime you see one of these threads it's the OW who is evil. Misogynistic language will get chucked about. .

All those men are not having affairs with a tiny pool of morally dubious women. If you think none of the women you know haven't had an affair you are naive. They don't tell because of the vitriol they receive.

Do you think most men drop their friends if they find out they've had an affair. They do not.

Women need to stop being our own worst enemy.

I won't judge OW,, I will not condemn them. I won't judge any women until I've walked a mile in their shoes. My many miles in rigger boots taught me not to.

I think many who come out with these statements often like the loyalty and devotion that a monogamous partner brings yet they themselves can't reciprocate the same feeling back.
*
Spot. On.*

What about same sex relationships?!

unless the other woman is vulnerable then absolutely not. The only friend I had who slept with a married man was her rich boss who was giving her bonuses while the affair was going on she was 18 at the time and ended up getting compensated by the company after the whole ordeal.

‘Patriarchy’

I mean, yeah. I know lots of LGBTQ+ couples and the same vitriol isn’t aimed at the OW or the OM for the most part. The anger, disappointment or whatever really is directed more towards their (ex) partner more.
as it should be.

@AssemblySquare not classy. Hurling insults doesn't make you better. I hope you can get some help because you don't sound like you are in a good place.