Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

I haven't told anyone who they should be friends with so I'm not sure if this applies to me, but no, not necessarily. That would necessitate believing in the restrictive, false and misogynistic concept of "girl code". You shouldn't shag married people because it's wrong, not because as a woman you're bound to things that men aren't.

People generally have affairs because, for whatever reason, it makes them feel good. It's not usually gendered in that sense. Attacking an OW well over and above the actual cheating man, parroting nasty phrases that promise rewards to shitty men, etc etc....doesn't get much more gendered than that.

Untrustworthy. Wouldn't want her around my partner. And I wouldn't want a friend I didn't trust.

I had a friend like this. She'd been the other woman, always said she hadn't known or wasn't flirting or it wasn't her intention etc. And I believed her because she had loads of other great qualities. But in the end I had to cut her loose as I couldn't have her near my DH, she'd flirt with him in front of me. He rebuffed her but she kept doing it and kept trying to get him alone.

‘Disrespectful
No morals
Untrustworthy’

I’ve been OW - I am a very moral person, very trustworthy in many ways, and as for disrespectful not generally. I didn’t know and didn’t care about the feelings of the girlfriend/partner - not sure you can disrespect someone you don’t know.

women on here get their knickers in a twist, but the reality is I feel in love with someone, didn’t give a shit about who they were with with and left it up to my GF to deal with her home situation.

Lovely. I do hope you're on the receiving end some day.

It’s women blaming other women for ‘stealing’ their man when the reality is it’s the person who’s cheating on their wife/ girlfriend who’s the real shit head and grown human beings can’t be ‘stolen’.
it’s not black and white, like many things in life circumstances are everything.

Completely disagree.

I'm fully willing to say the man is an absolute piece of shit.

A human who purposely hurts another human for their own gain is disgusting - whether they are the OW or the husband, both equally a pair of cunts to be honest.

@Amybelle88 you kiss your mother with that mouth?

oddly enough I lost not a single friend when I was with a woman who wasn’t single. Not one.

Ok, so let me get this straight.

You believe affairs are ok, are part of life and ow should not be castigated or held reponsible in any way.
It is wholly on the man who is married. Got it.

Yet if there is warning to the ow, who has suceeded in 'winning her prize' it is hurtful to the ow to hear those words that 'it creates a vacancy'

Why on earth would you be uset by this term, you agree with affairs, you agree with ow and don't believe they are responsible in any way, why would it hurt you if an adulterous man was then in turn adulterous to you. You should be friends with them, welcome them with open arms for they are the victims of male oppression and are only playing the game of, if you can't beat them join them.

You should be suporting them, encouraging them to feel no shame if they shag your newly aquired married man, hell why not because if you felt any ammount of hurt and called them out on it, you too would be acused of being a mysogynist and of hating other women.

That's quite hypocritical, it's ok for me to be the ow but I don't want anyone doing it to me. Ok, that's not selfish is it.

Wrapping it up as though it's just the mans fault if you are the ow and then having the nerve to blame his promiscuity if he further shags arround because it affects you personally in a detrimental way ?

Honestly you couldn't make this shit up, no wonder men find such easy victims.

Your reasoning and logic are skewed but it does explain a lot.

It's not equal at all. A person who has made a commitment to another person, built a life, had a family, then shits on it all, goes home and lies to them about it, is not comparable to the unattached person who had free sex.

Do you kiss yours with the mouth you use to give blow jobs to other peoples husbands?

Swings and roundabouts, love - I'd rather use the word cunt than shag a man I know who has a wife then blame him to make myself feel better.

There's a lot of 'the OW lies and deceives'...
If she's single, who is she lying to or deceiving, when she likely couldn't pick the wife out of a line up?

She actively plays a role in something that will likely completely destroy someone else's world.

Whether she knows what they look like is null and void.

‘Do you kiss yours with the mouth you use to give blow jobs to other peoples husbands?’

er, lesbians don’t give blow jobs I believe?

i sure a heck wouldn’t judge a friend who was having an affair because I know there would be a good reason…

My bad, I thought she went with someone else's husband, not wife.

But still, pedantic argument and clutching at straws - the outcome is still the same.

You believe affairs are ok

I did not say or imply any of this, in fact I have stated several times that they are wrong. I'm not wasting any time on a post that opens with outright lies, nor engaging with such a dishonest poster. I skimmed the other posts you squatted and dropped on here and I'm quite satisfied that I'm not missing anything.

<<flush>>

It’s life. It happens, and usually for good reason. I have yet to hear about a really happy couple having affairs. There’s always something that one party is seeking that they aren’t getting from their partner for whatever reason.

All the OW I've known have been aware of the wife before the affair. Usually met them.

Absolute nonsense.

All the other women I've ever known knew bloody well who the wife was, who their children were, where they lived, it's the age if SM, it was the wife who couldn't pick them out in a line up... because... they were being kept in the dark!

‘I'd rather use the word cunt’ nothing classier than a woman calling another woman the C word.

Honestly, love, ordinarily I'd completely agree with you to be fair.

But you are a cunt and sometimes we just need to call a spade a spade.

You've openly said you didn't give a fuck who you hurt, you didn't care about the wife because YOU fell in love.

I'm really sorry, but I will never, ever take any form of dressing down from a person who could do that to someone else for their own gain, and then be so blatantly open about not giving a fuck about the fallout.

You can't try and use the 'a woman calling another woman' line on me, love, as if you've got some moral compass towards other women.

Women like you ruin other womens lives and then blame the husband because "they're the ones who aren't single". You're complicit. You're just as culpable and also spineless cos you can't even own it.

It's not a case of crying for a week or two and getting over the person who went for an easy shag, cos let's be honest, a woman who will willingly shag someone who has a partner isn't exactly going to be hard graft - these scenarios literally ruin people and families. Suicide, self harm, therapy - just purely broken and shattered humans left in the wake of affairs - take a look at some of the threads of poor women on here who have been through it.

Pondlife. Nothing but pondlife.

Always remember - if they'll cheat with you they'll cheat on you and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

Now bore off with your faux morals you old boot.

It's easier.

Then leave?! If your partner makes you so unhappy, leave them and give them a bit of dignity and less pain.

’Then leave?! If your partner makes you so unhappy, leave them and give them a bit of dignity and less pain.’

ah of course. The obvious answer, except humans aren’t straightforward, are they?
life isn’t easy and clear cut. It’s not black and white.

Because frequently they know the wife and if they can do this to one woman who's to say they won't do it to you. Also if you were the wife would you want your friend to be a friend of the other woman?

No, it isn't, I'm a shades of grey person myself rather than black and white, but not at the expense of another human being.

Sometimes the most straightforward answers really are the right ones.