Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

Girl code is misogynistic. It's a concept invented as a stick to beat women with. You should treat people properly whether they're male or female and you shouldn't invent higher standards for women.

Yes, this. Girl code just says it's up to women to control male sexuality, which it isn't. I'd be very wary of someone I knew to be having an affair with a married person. I'd doubt how much we had in common. But it would be nothing to do with a girl code - just the decency of thinking about how your actions might impact on others.

Yeah, not a believer in ‘girl code’ either. I’m not obliged to adhere to a contact because I have two X chromosomes. Like I said, I’ve never been the OW, but I have no interest in policing anyone else’s sex life.

A few woman I've known over the years now have new partners and on three occasions I've heard that their partners's ex's were horrible wives , they made their lives a misery and were narcissistic and one suffered from DV.
I've no idea of any of this happened, but it's always the women that get the blame it seems wherever the circumstances were.

Birds of a feather.

Doesn't that mean the wife has even worse taste? Since she's actually committed to him and been cheated on already?

But the wife doesn't usually know he is.

Whereas the ow does.

Is this "explain the obvious" day.

@Oatmealbiscuits will you be there for your friend when she makes a move on your partner?

Most people I know think OM are sly, low morals, shitty etc as well.

Tbh these are my only attitudes I see on here. I have had very varied friendship circles over the years. In these circles there have been OW, men who cheat, women who cheat. It has never altered any of their friendships, and their friends, like you, support them when shit hits the fan.

And once she does? If she chooses to stay?

Or if she doesn't see the clues, which usually are there in some form?

She believes his shit, or misjudged his character, what's the difference?

I'm absolutely not insulting betrayed wives here. I know these things are complicated. I'm just saying that anyone who sneers at an OW for her appalling taste, or being misled, surely should do the same for the wife. They're operating under the sexist assumption that women only ever want fully committed relationships anyway.

Well that's nice, but I've never heard anything about a cheating woman creating a vacancy and I've never heard anyone wondering why a man would enjoy extramarital sex.

Because it's far easier to blame the OW than have to admit that the person you've loved, trusted and made a life with can be such an arsehole?

I suppose the vacancy saying refers to serial ifidelity being more commonly observed in men than women.
There is a certain type of man who always seems to "need" at least two options. And he sets his life uknlike that, no matter what. I can think of many examples of men, not not many of women off the top of my head.

I've never heard anyone wondering why a man would enjoy extramarital sex.

When have you heard people wondering why a woman would enjoy extra marital sex?

If someone said that, have they ever actually met other humans lol

i broke a friendship off because she was the OW. We had been friends for years. Her knowing she was the OW made me distance myself.
I felt I couldn’t trust her, lack
of morals, I felt she was being disrespectful, if she can have an affair with a married man then what else would she do?
also affairs involve lying and deceit. And the drama.

yes before this she was my friend but I can’t be friends with someone who’s so open to lying. She asked me to call in to her work sick for her. She wanted me to say she was with me. I distanced myself before this. The fact she wanted me to get involved in her lies ended our friendship.

Where have you been?

I've lost count of the number of threads on here about "AIBU to wonder why anyone would be an OW?" and comments along the same lines. How could she, what was she thinking, why would any woman do this, what's in it for her,etc etc. When a famous man is caught cheating, odds on we'll get a thread asking how the OW could have done it.

I've seen people, very occasionally, wondering how a man could shit on his family or be an OM. But I've never, ever seen anyone wondering why. We know exactly why. Sex and intimacy bring all sorts of pleasure and comfort. We don't approve, but we don't think it's a mystery.

Until a woman does it. The idea that they might have illicit sex for the same reasons as men absolutely baffles people. Why would she? What does she get out of it? How can she sleep with a man of such low morals? Etc etc etc...

And once she does? If she chooses to stay?

First off, you say "once she does" but the sad fact is many BS's don't find out.

But day she does... Many do leave. So presumably they are exempt from the "waived are stupider than ow theory".

Of those that don't, finances and security espmfor kids are often at the forefront of their decision to stay .... Again, how are they stupid? They've just been forced to make pragmatic decisions.

Or if she doesn't see the clues, which usually are there in some form?

So you're saying wives of cheaters are as stupid as ow because they don't see clues of infidelity? .Talk about victim blaming.

No doubt the clues are subtle. Or they aren't cheaters themselves so they don't see them, of they are trusting, decent people who think wrongly their partner is the same, or their partner gas lights them about any clues ... Extremely common.

She believes his shit, or misjudged his character, what's the difference?

Astronomical difference. Ow knows he's a cheater. Wife, unless and until she finds out with solid proof doesn't.

And there aren't always clues, some people are skilful cheaters.

People and situations are complicated. As an ordinary rule - which granted has exceptions - I'd see the details of other people's personal lives as none of my business.

My few closest friends have been in my life for a very long time and are loved unconditionally, in the same way as family. I don't have to sit in judgement of them; nor do I have approve of their every action, or pretend I that do. These two positions are not mutually incompatible.

It's still possible to be friends with someone of a different political persuasion, and for people who are close to disagree on some issues.

The above stance is very black-and-white. As to the 'Girl Code' (Ugh), it's simply a misogynistic, not least childish tool to divest men of responsibility for their own poor behaviour.

When a family breaks down, a man walks out, or a son loses contact with his family of origin, you can bet your boots a woman will take the blame.

*wives are stupider

Bollocks. The saying was originated by a misogynist being misogynistic. It's hateful guff that promises heartbreak to a woman and more cheating sex to a man.

It needs to just fucking die already. You don't need to rely on hateful catchphrases to explain why you shouldn't trust cheating men.

Bollocks. The saying was originated by a misogynist being misogynistic. It's hateful guff that promises heartbreak to a woman and more cheating sex to a man.

Wtaf are you talking about?

It's a warning to women, get it

It's an observation on the nature of some men.

I think my now ex’s OW thought she could step into my shoes and have the same mutual friends as us.

However the majority of the females won’t have anything to do with her even though they’ve been together over a year.

She was my friend, there were children involved and she has zero morals.

Not somebody you would want as a friend.

So you're saying wives of cheaters are as stupid as ow because they don't see clues of infidelity?

No, I'm saying that if you think an OW deserves ridicule for being fooled, it makes no sense not to apply the same criticism to the other woman he's fooling too. Especially if she's no longer fooled and sticking around anyway.

I'm not saying it. I'm pointing out the logical progression to those who do.

Ow knows he's a cheater. Wife, unless and until she finds out with solid proof doesn't.

So like I said, she's being fooled and misled. They're both with the same shitty man, if one is stupid with bad taste, how can the other not be?

OW is likely to be getting the "best" of him, not picking up his socks and cleaning his house etc.

I'm not saying it. I'm pointing out the absurdity of the statement.

Well of course it's a warning to women. People who use it don't think men deserve any consequence except more sex.

Just stop saying it already. It's a crock of misogynistic shite. I'm sure you can be more nuanced and articulate.

The "man marries mistress" saying, that we were discussing. Do keep up.