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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH binned the clothes for the refuges. AIBU?

202 replies

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:47

I sorted through my children’s clothes and had some lovely clothes in good condition that no longer fit. I know there are a local family of refuges that would benefit from them so I made some enquiries and I was told someone would collect them from me soon. Anyway, time passed and they hadn’t got back to me so I reached out again and was told the lady supporting this family had a death in the family. If I keep the clothes, they would get in touch in future. I knew these clothes would be too big for the children and personally didn’t mind storing for as long as they need.

Anyway, DH point blank refused for me to keep this bag of clothes in the garage. His argument is that I hoard stuff in there. I really wouldn’t mind if this was true, but I really don’t. There’s probably one bag of kids clothes in there that are for my other child to grow into. I have also kept some baby equipment, but we haven’t completely ruled out having another child.

So the bag was in the corner of our bedroom. Not ideal. DH kept moaning about the bag asking me to chase up the lady. I refused and explained I have told her I’ll keep the bag for now. He wouldn’t stop moaning about it and in frustration, I said something along the lines of “DH, I’ve told someone I’ll keep this for them. I want to keep it in the garage but you’re being so difficult about it. If you’re seriously going to keep behaving like this then you might as well bin it.” And I walked off. The bag later disappeared and I assumed he had come to his senses and popped it in the garage. Today, I found out that he has in fact binned all the clothes. I’m furious! I know I said it in frustration so it’s maybe unreasonable of me to be annoyed, but he has been so annoying about this whole situation. Who is he to tell me we can’t keep this one bag of clothes when we do have the space to. Don’t get me wrong, our garage is fairly full, but just average in terms of how you’d expect a garage to look.

Im really upset because these were really good quality clothes. What an absolute waste! 😢

OP posts:
hassletassle · 08/10/2022 12:54

Can you get them back out of the bin?

AsAnyFuleKno · 08/10/2022 12:54

You should have given them to another charity rather than have them hanging round the house indefinitely - I can see your husband's point though I agree binning was wasteful.

SallyWD · 08/10/2022 12:54

That's ridiculous behaviour from your husband! As if it was any bother to have a bag of clothes in the garage. Incredibly wasteful and stupid of him.

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:55

@hassletassle nope. This was a couple of weeks ago that he binned them, so they’ve been collected. I didn’t ask as i assumed he’d come to his senses. Only today did I find out.

OP posts:
Octomore · 08/10/2022 12:56

Wasteful and nasty.

Why do you not get an equal say over what gets stored in the garage? Why is it his decision?

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:57

@AsAnyFuleKno but I’d already offered them to a family who said they wanted them. The family death had caused a delay and it really shouldn’t have been an issue for me to keep them. We have the space to.

OP posts:
Hymnulop · 08/10/2022 12:57

AsAnyFuleKno · 08/10/2022 12:54

You should have given them to another charity rather than have them hanging round the house indefinitely - I can see your husband's point though I agree binning was wasteful.

This. You are being a bit martyr-ish and I bet he's the tidy one and you're the messy one.

Topgub · 08/10/2022 12:58

I'd be annoyed too.

However on the other hand my house is full of shite my oh collects with (I presume) the intention of selling/passing on/putting to good use that he never does

I'd love to hire a skip and chuck the lot. I dont though cause I'm not an arsehole

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 12:58

I'd be annoyed if I had a bag on clothes sitting around the house that would be collected at some point in the distant future.

You should have just offered to drop them off. You could have left them outside the property.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/10/2022 12:58

Well you told him to bin it, and he binned it.

I am wary of piles of stuff (including bags) building up in corners for undefined periods of time. I would have taken them to the charity shop rather than binning them, but I wouldn't have wanted them staying where they were.

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:59

How can I give them to another charity when I’ve already offered them to someone? When they asked if I could keep them for now, should I have replied “no”, despite me having the space to store them?

OP posts:
33goingon64 · 08/10/2022 13:00

Is this more an issue of your DH sulking or being selfish about space in the house? I ask because my DH gets into a strop if I put things in the garage - it's his space apparently. Except he also has his own dressing room and dumps his stuff in the guest room and in corners of the lounge...

EndlessMagpies · 08/10/2022 13:00

Nobody should just throw reusable stuff in the bin.

AlwaysLatte · 08/10/2022 13:00

He obviously doesn't have much empathy for people in need, respect for you or concern for the environment. All factors that I find quite a turn off in a man.

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 13:00

Also, I offered to drop them off. I’m not sure of the full reasoning behind why but the reply was them asking me to keep hold of them for now. It really shouldn’t have been a big issue for me to do this.

i also hated the bag being in the house and wanted it in the garage.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/10/2022 13:00

You offered them, they didn't collect them, and they didn't give any date for collection. They clearly weren't especially bothered, and this way someone else can use the stuff.

Needmorelego · 08/10/2022 13:01

Literally binned ?
What an idiot. Unwanted clothes can always be passed on somewhere and if no longer fit for wear there are plenty of places for rag recycling.
What a twat.

AsAnyFuleKno · 08/10/2022 13:01

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:57

@AsAnyFuleKno but I’d already offered them to a family who said they wanted them. The family death had caused a delay and it really shouldn’t have been an issue for me to keep them. We have the space to.

But it was all so vague - not 'I'll pick them up in two weeks' but 'they'll get in touch in the future'. It doesn't sound as though they were particularly in need of the clothes, to be honest.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/10/2022 13:02

Also, I offered to drop them off. I’m not sure of the full reasoning behind why but the reply was them asking me to keep hold of them for now.

They weren't that bothered and they didn't want bags of clothes cluttering up their house.

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 13:02

AlwaysLatte · 08/10/2022 13:00

He obviously doesn't have much empathy for people in need, respect for you or concern for the environment. All factors that I find quite a turn off in a man.

If they were in need they'd have made arrangements to collect the clothes

BurscoughBooths · 08/10/2022 13:03

If the refugee family lives locally, why didn’t you just drop off the bag of clothes directly to them?
It sounds like this bag of clothes has been hanging around for weeks. I’d have put them in a clothing bank

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 13:03

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 13:00

Also, I offered to drop them off. I’m not sure of the full reasoning behind why but the reply was them asking me to keep hold of them for now. It really shouldn’t have been a big issue for me to do this.

i also hated the bag being in the house and wanted it in the garage.

They weren't bothered about the clothes. You could have insisted or even left them in the car boot.

Needmorelego · 08/10/2022 13:03

@CakeyCake5 you should have given them one more chance to collect (by a specific date) and told them if they don't collect your will be passing them on to somewhere else because you don't have storage space.
Lesson for next time (or just take directly to a charity shop).

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 13:04

You offered them, they didn't collect them, and they didn't give any date for collection. They clearly weren't especially bothered, and this way someone else can use the stuff.

These were clothes for young children to grow into. I have also sent financial support to this particular family and they truly are in need. I thought that maybe they’ll have trouble keeping the clothes until they’re the right size for the children. That may be the reason they asked if I could hold onto them. I agreed assuming this wouldn’t be an issue but then DH became so difficult over me putting them in the garage.

OP posts:
Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 13:04

@Needmorelego … but I do have enough storage space???

OP posts: