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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH binned the clothes for the refuges. AIBU?

202 replies

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 12:47

I sorted through my children’s clothes and had some lovely clothes in good condition that no longer fit. I know there are a local family of refuges that would benefit from them so I made some enquiries and I was told someone would collect them from me soon. Anyway, time passed and they hadn’t got back to me so I reached out again and was told the lady supporting this family had a death in the family. If I keep the clothes, they would get in touch in future. I knew these clothes would be too big for the children and personally didn’t mind storing for as long as they need.

Anyway, DH point blank refused for me to keep this bag of clothes in the garage. His argument is that I hoard stuff in there. I really wouldn’t mind if this was true, but I really don’t. There’s probably one bag of kids clothes in there that are for my other child to grow into. I have also kept some baby equipment, but we haven’t completely ruled out having another child.

So the bag was in the corner of our bedroom. Not ideal. DH kept moaning about the bag asking me to chase up the lady. I refused and explained I have told her I’ll keep the bag for now. He wouldn’t stop moaning about it and in frustration, I said something along the lines of “DH, I’ve told someone I’ll keep this for them. I want to keep it in the garage but you’re being so difficult about it. If you’re seriously going to keep behaving like this then you might as well bin it.” And I walked off. The bag later disappeared and I assumed he had come to his senses and popped it in the garage. Today, I found out that he has in fact binned all the clothes. I’m furious! I know I said it in frustration so it’s maybe unreasonable of me to be annoyed, but he has been so annoying about this whole situation. Who is he to tell me we can’t keep this one bag of clothes when we do have the space to. Don’t get me wrong, our garage is fairly full, but just average in terms of how you’d expect a garage to look.

Im really upset because these were really good quality clothes. What an absolute waste! 😢

OP posts:
Topgub · 08/10/2022 14:55

@FloydPepper

The ops oh is being a dick.

Nothing the op has said indicates they are messy

Being bothered by 1 bag of clothes to that extent is being a clean freak imo

Chill out, its not a big deal.

FloydPepper · 08/10/2022 14:55

Oh and I’ve just clicked who you are. Never mind.

Topgub · 08/10/2022 14:57

@FloydPepper

Oh and I’ve just clicked who you are.

Not a clean freak?

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 15:02

You could easily sell those things and buy second hand if you ever have another child.

My children are young… and I’d rather keep and reuse a pram that I’ve taken really good care of, than buy second hand. Also, the brand I bought from will honour future repairs for a set fee so I would lose out on that guarantee if I bought another second hand. It just makes no sense. That does not equate to hoarding.

OP posts:
Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:04

Absolutely crazy to advise someone to get rid of their own stuff and buy more second hand

🤣

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 15:07

Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:04

Absolutely crazy to advise someone to get rid of their own stuff and buy more second hand

🤣

Not when she's only keeping it because she might have another child in future.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 08/10/2022 15:13

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 15:02

You could easily sell those things and buy second hand if you ever have another child.

My children are young… and I’d rather keep and reuse a pram that I’ve taken really good care of, than buy second hand. Also, the brand I bought from will honour future repairs for a set fee so I would lose out on that guarantee if I bought another second hand. It just makes no sense. That does not equate to hoarding.

Of course you would and very few would disagree with you.

Discovereads · 08/10/2022 15:13

I agree with you OP about being upset over the whole situation. Your DH was whinging about the bag of clothes no matter where you put them. Is this a one off or does he pick on you for random things like this?

HeckyPeck · 08/10/2022 15:17

Your DH is being a dick. Why does he get to dictate what goes in the garage/wardrobe.

You said the garage mainly has his stuff in it? If there is anything he doesn't regularly use & of similar value to the clothes, I would donate it to charity.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander after all.

Original poster
CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 15:18

But no one can ever guarantee they’ll have another child @girlmom21

By that logic, everyone should sell and replace everything, regardless of whether they have plenty of space to safely store things. Again, that makes no sense.

OP posts:
missmamiecuddleduck · 08/10/2022 15:19

Your DH is odd for going on about one bag of children's clothes.

What else is he odd about?

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/10/2022 15:25

Topgub · 08/10/2022 12:58

I'd be annoyed too.

However on the other hand my house is full of shite my oh collects with (I presume) the intention of selling/passing on/putting to good use that he never does

I'd love to hire a skip and chuck the lot. I dont though cause I'm not an arsehole

Same here. I'm married to a squirrel who keeps every damn thing "just in case we need it", or "for parts", but it's his stuff so I just sigh heavily every now and then when it takes me two hours to dig through it to find something we need.

I would have been very annoyed if good, decent item were thrown out rather than donated.

Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:29

@girlmom21

Yes it is.

Even if ots only a might. Its 2 items and some clothes in a garage. Not a shrine to an imaginary child.

Once they decide for sure either way then they can deal with the items appropriately.

No wonder the planet is fucked

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 15:31

CakeyCake5 · 08/10/2022 15:18

But no one can ever guarantee they’ll have another child @girlmom21

By that logic, everyone should sell and replace everything, regardless of whether they have plenty of space to safely store things. Again, that makes no sense.

No but most people have a good idea of whether or not they're going to try

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 15:32

Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:29

@girlmom21

Yes it is.

Even if ots only a might. Its 2 items and some clothes in a garage. Not a shrine to an imaginary child.

Once they decide for sure either way then they can deal with the items appropriately.

No wonder the planet is fucked

Yeah the planets fucked because people buy 2nd hand and sell used products in good condition, sure... Hmm

HappyBinosaur · 08/10/2022 15:35

This thread is batshit! Even if the clothes weren’t collected for 6 months, it’s 1 bloody bag in a garage! OP says there is plenty of room in there so it’s just her husband being unreasonable and controlling.

We have lots of stuff in our garage but it’s stored neatly and we don’t have to see it all the time and neither do visitors.
I actually don’t like bags so I’ve got clothes in boxes (kallax units) for my dc to grow into. Storing isn’t the same as being messy.

Topgub · 08/10/2022 15:35

Its fucked because people are wasteful and overly obsessed with things looking a certain way

Panpastels · 08/10/2022 15:42

Your DH is a wasteful controlling arse.
But I also wouldn't want to hang onto a bag of clothes for an indefinite period and would have donated them to another cause.

Guzy · 08/10/2022 15:45

I can see this from both sides, I don’t like clutter in my house so if I sort some things to donate I would want it gone ASAP. Some people find things likes trigger their OCD. Nevertheless if you are contemplating having another baby why didn’t you keep the clothes for the next one?

AutumnCrow · 08/10/2022 15:56

I've kept my children's first clothes as mementos of their babyhoods. They're in my chest of drawers. If anyone called them 'clutter' I'd think a lot less of them tbh. To me they are beautiful, small, evocative things.

GlasgowGal82 · 08/10/2022 16:00

Your OH was totally unreasonable putting perfectly decent stuff in the bin.

However (and this might sound harsh!) you'd be much better off finding someone who can use your hand-me-downs immediately rather than having to store them for ages (you or them). Like you, the refugee family/women who is supporting them will have limited storage, and if you've thought to donate to them I bet a number of other families have too. It's a very kind thought, but things they can use immediately are most useful to them, and unless the woman is very organised I doubt she'd remember to come back to you when they were ready for them.

Goodadvice1980 · 08/10/2022 16:03

YANBU. Your dh is a dickhead.

Setyoufree · 08/10/2022 16:07

Sounds like the people didn't really want/need them if they're not bothering to come and get them. I wouldn't hold onto clothes indefinitely either.

In your position I probably would have stashed the bag in the back of the garage somewhere safe in the knowledge he'd probably never find them there. On the other hand, having a bag of what is basically other people's crap they can't be bothered to collect in the corner of my room indefinitely would get right on my nerves so I understand your DH's point!

Maray1967 · 08/10/2022 16:10

He is totally out of order - a total moron. One bag is not a huge issue and you have promised it to a family in need.What a nasty thing to do.
Mine wouldn’t do this - because he’d know that I would be straight in his wardrobe bagging up stuff for the recycling, and I’m not joking.

elephantseal · 08/10/2022 16:14

Your DJ didn't even want a bag of clothes in the bottom of your wardrobe?? That makes no sense.

My dh wouldn't even notice if I kept random bags of clothes for months.

Not nice behaviour - controlling and nasty.