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Original poster

To think it’s weird to give your parents money

151 replies

NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 00:20

So bit of a random one, but wondering other peoples thoughts…

I follow a money influencer on Instagram who shares her budgets, lifestyle costs etc. She has a full time role, plus freelances plus makes money via her Instagram. I don’t get the impression that she is ‘rolling in it’ as the whole point of the account is that she lives frugally and is quite candid about her finances. Im in a similar industry and would hazard a guess that her full time role is around £45-£65k p.a - she isn’t in london so could be less. Owns her property and lives alone and there’s no partner. She mentioned that her parents gifted her a couple of thousand and has also mentioned that they barely have anything left on their mortgage.

she said that she gives them a couple of hundred pounds a month to say thank you for raising her - now obviously without all the details (she could’ve been a nightmare) I find the idea of paying your parents for raising you SO bizarre….

just keen to hear others thoughts, is this weird when you’re on a pretty normal income?

also this doesn’t affect my life in any way shape or form, and realise there may be some context missing so be kind - just starting a conversation to hear other perspectives as I can’t get my head around it!

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:26

I think being a 'money influencer' (never heard of that till now) and sharing your lifestyle costs etc with the public is weird anyway.

So the other weirdness doesn't surprise me but I'm sure you realise paying your parents as a thank you isn't a normal thing?

Far more likely something to add to make people notice her, which of course is what influencers are all about.

Asparagoose · 08/10/2022 00:31

Bizarre. My parents would rather give me money than take it from me! And I give everything I can to my kids too. If I had £200 spare cash I’d be dishing it out to them, not taking it away!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 08/10/2022 00:32

Asparagoose · 08/10/2022 00:31

Bizarre. My parents would rather give me money than take it from me! And I give everything I can to my kids too. If I had £200 spare cash I’d be dishing it out to them, not taking it away!

My parents are the same, my in-laws are the opposite.

Devon01 · 08/10/2022 00:34

I would give my parents any amount of money I could afford if I thought they needed it, not because I felt I owed them thanks for raising me. But I'm guessing you're talking about different circumstances in which the parents don't need financial support. Maybe she's just adamant to pay back the money her parents loaned/gifted her. Whether the parents should accept this repayment or financial support if they don't need it is a different question.

All that said, I wouldn't necessarily believe anything everything a self-confessed 'influencer' posted - surely they only exaggerate share what bits of their life they want to be seen in a positive light

LHReturns · 08/10/2022 00:36

My husband buys his parents cars, and I suspect has also paid off their mortgage. Because he can, but mostly I think to make them proud of him, as they struggle to say that kind of stuff to him. It’s like a stealth way for him to share what he has achieved with them.

Ponderingwindow · 08/10/2022 00:38

I’ve always viewed parents taking money from children is a sign of failure. The exception would be parents who had exhausted their resources on carers or care home fees.
At that point making sure an elderly parent has some pocket money helps maintain dignity.

PrincessButtercupToo · 08/10/2022 00:38

There has been no transfer of money between my parents and me since they dropped me off at University aged eighteen.

If I’d needed help since then, they would have provided it. Had they needed help, I’d have sent it without hesitation.

Asparagoose · 08/10/2022 00:40

LHReturns · 08/10/2022 00:36

My husband buys his parents cars, and I suspect has also paid off their mortgage. Because he can, but mostly I think to make them proud of him, as they struggle to say that kind of stuff to him. It’s like a stealth way for him to share what he has achieved with them.

You suspect he has paid their mortgage? You don’t know what your husband has done with your family income and you didn’t have a say over spending it? Wow.

Mammed · 08/10/2022 00:40

We help my parents out quite a lot, my dad suffered serious health issues a few years ago and had to stop working, my mum works hard but doesn't earn a huge amount.
We don't give them a set amount each month and it's not to thank them for raising me.
It's simply because they're struggling and I know they would do the same for us if they were in our position as they have done in the past.

LHReturns · 08/10/2022 00:41

Asparagoose · 08/10/2022 00:40

You suspect he has paid their mortgage? You don’t know what your husband has done with your family income and you didn’t have a say over spending it? Wow.

Show quote history

He did this before we met….he just doesn’t talk about it.

caringcarer · 08/10/2022 00:42

My dh pops a bit of money into his Mum's account to cover some of her bills. Her DH used to handle/pay all bills but he died. Now mil has had to learn to deal with money. She is poor and on Pension Credit so DH makes sure there is enough in her account to allow dd he set up for her for council tax and utilities to go out. I don't think she even realises as she told me she does not look at her bank statements and I see them unopened when we visit.

QuitWhileAhead · 08/10/2022 00:45

I wonder if she would give her parents money if she wasn't able to tell everyone all about it.

I think it's normal to help out your parents if they are skint and you've got spare cash.

Original poster
NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 00:47

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:26

I think being a 'money influencer' (never heard of that till now) and sharing your lifestyle costs etc with the public is weird anyway.

So the other weirdness doesn't surprise me but I'm sure you realise paying your parents as a thank you isn't a normal thing?

Far more likely something to add to make people notice her, which of course is what influencers are all about.

I follow a few of these accounts now! I’ve found a few tips quite helpful/inspirational. Absolutely don’t think it’s normal - but it’s something I just have found so weird and if others thought the same. I’m in my 30s and although wouldn’t expect my parents to fund me, unless they were really struggling I find the thought of giving them money so strange. If anything they are still offering to give me money!

OP posts:
Appleblum · 08/10/2022 00:48

Is there a cultural element to it?

I know for a fact my parents don't need the money at all but I give them (an in laws) some every month. It's like sweets money for them.

NoSquirrels · 08/10/2022 00:48

She’s basically repaying the ‘couple of thousand’ they gave her. Not outrageous. The weird influencer social media spin of ‘thank you for raising me’ is annoying though.

In our family money flows down - my dad would be mortified if I tried to pay him anything regular.

Original poster
NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 00:48

QuitWhileAhead · 08/10/2022 00:45

I wonder if she would give her parents money if she wasn't able to tell everyone all about it.

I think it's normal to help out your parents if they are skint and you've got spare cash.

Good point! She seems quite down to Earth, normal and not braggy - no idea even what she looks like as she’s never posted a pic of herself.

It was when she was breaking down her monthly budget and it was simply
£250 for parents to say thank you for raising me

OP posts:
Original poster
NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 00:49

Appleblum · 08/10/2022 00:48

Is there a cultural element to it?

I know for a fact my parents don't need the money at all but I give them (an in laws) some every month. It's like sweets money for them.

I did think this! Never seen a picture of her but believe she’s mentioned celebrating Chinese New Year so did wonder if this was a factor…

OP posts:
Liorae · 08/10/2022 00:51

Ponderingwindow · 08/10/2022 00:38

I’ve always viewed parents taking money from children is a sign of failure. The exception would be parents who had exhausted their resources on carers or care home fees.
At that point making sure an elderly parent has some pocket money helps maintain dignity.

Really? I feel the same way about adult children who take money from their parents!

stevalnamechanger · 08/10/2022 00:51

Cultural differences .

I think I know who you're talking about and she's lovely ..

Mislou · 08/10/2022 00:54

I work with people from a lot of different cultures and we talk about this kind of thing. I was surprised how many people to give money to their father to handle even when married and not even living in the same country . I found it really interesting and asked all kinds of questions like - what if he mismanages it or what if another sibling doesn’t give as much ?

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 00:57

Ahh I hadn't even considered cultural differences but yes that would make sense.

I know of lots of (Asian in my case) families who send money to their parents, although (again only IME) it tends to be the men sending money to their own parents, particularly if they're the eldest son.

Original poster
NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 08/10/2022 00:57

stevalnamechanger · 08/10/2022 00:51

Cultural differences .

I think I know who you're talking about and she's lovely ..

Absolutely agree! Really really enjoy her content - just something I’ve thought about since I saw it!

OP posts:
StClare101 · 08/10/2022 01:03

Ponderingwindow · 08/10/2022 00:38

I’ve always viewed parents taking money from children is a sign of failure. The exception would be parents who had exhausted their resources on carers or care home fees.
At that point making sure an elderly parent has some pocket money helps maintain dignity.

I help my parents out. I don’t see them to be failures. They have worked their whole lives and someone has to do the low paid jobs. I find your comment the height of snobbery and privilege.

CJsGoldfish · 08/10/2022 01:05

I would give my parents any amount of money I could afford if I thought they needed it, not because I felt I owed them thanks for raising me
Me too.
I've always known, by words AND by actions, that they would do anything for me (and my brother). They are amazing grandparents and would do anything for the grandkids. They don't have a lot of $$ but I know they'd share whatever they had if they thought it was needed.
It's been many years since I've needed any help but I'm in a position where I could help them if necessary and I would have no hesitation.

antelopevalley · 08/10/2022 01:14

We gave me father in law money for about a year to continue paying carers. He had used all his savings and would only have got the bare minimum from the state. Continuing paying the extra hours also meant we did not need to step in and do some care.

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