To think it’s weird to give your parents money

[NewKidOnTheBlock99]

So bit of a random one, but wondering other peoples thoughts…

I follow a money influencer on Instagram who shares her budgets, lifestyle costs etc. She has a full time role, plus freelances plus makes money via her Instagram. I don’t get the impression that she is ‘rolling in it’ as the whole point of the account is that she lives frugally and is quite candid about her finances. Im in a similar industry and would hazard a guess that her full time role is around £45-£65k p.a - she isn’t in london so could be less. Owns her property and lives alone and there’s no partner. She mentioned that her parents gifted her a couple of thousand and has also mentioned that they barely have anything left on their mortgage.

she said that she gives them a couple of hundred pounds a month to say thank you for raising her - now obviously without all the details (she could’ve been a nightmare) I find the idea of paying your parents for raising you SO bizarre….

just keen to hear others thoughts, is this weird when you’re on a pretty normal income?

also this doesn’t affect my life in any way shape or form, and realise there may be some context missing so be kind - just starting a conversation to hear other perspectives as I can’t get my head around it!

I also want to add to my point above that my husband has a life limiting health condition so hasn't got to the earning potential he would have although he still has a good job. My parents know we still try very hard though and acknowledge the advantages they've had on expat salaries etc.

@Toyingyu - I'm with you there especially on the Innocent smoothies!

We do exactly the same thing for our DGC, help with the weekly shop and other bits. Both parents work, decent joint income.

Families are complex organisations and giving, where needed is part of the dynamics that make them work sometimes.

It works both ways.

I know people who do give money to their parents but in both cases it's one parent because the other parent left them penniless and relying on benefits, in one situation they are building an annex for her mum to move in. Other complications too

In my case my parents have more money than me

Thank you for all the responses! The majority of them are well balanced and given me stuff to think about. OBVIOUSLY if you’re parents need help then of course I don’t think it’s weird, or if you’re in a position of privilege where you could make their lives easier then why wouldn’t you?

Completly understand that with this particular person in my original post, this is most likely cultural or she just wants to help - which either way is obviously great/ok. My curiosity was just that with the information given from this person, and them being someone who chooses to live frugally I found it different. I’ve had the conversations with friends in real life and everyone has said they find it strange and not really something they would consider - but once again could be cultural! Also as mentioned to a nasty poster I’m from a disadvantaged background but my parents would never take money unless they really needed it. (I did caveat in my original post I’m probably not aware of all the facts as I don’t know the ins and outs of this persons parents finances)

I’ll pay a bit more attention to how I phrase things in future to make sure it’s considerate - I genuinely was just curious on others opinions as it’s really something I’ve never come across!

thanks all!

Talk about take something out of context and spin it to your narrative to make yourself hard done by. Did I say this persons parents (from the limited) information I know - was in anyway similar to your situation? No? Didn’t think so! In your situation I would obviously help my parents to. I hope you all get the support you need.

My mum is on a basic state pension, so yes I do help her out a bit because I can afford to. I find it quite bizarre that so many people I know are so reliant on their parents for financial support even though they are now in their 40's. Many would never pay for a meal if eating out together, still get bought cars, taken on holiday etc. Surely it should go both ways

I’ve not rtft, but I saw this thread first and it made me smile. It doesn’t half for to show just how much culture has changed in how short a time, relative to people’s lives!

I’m in my 40s from a working class background and back when I was growing up it was perfectly normal for parents to expect their children to support them, rather than the other way around! It could be assumed that children would put their life desires and plans, work or otherwise, on hold and just get a job to keep the parents family going.

I was out working small errand jobs going at a young age to help the family finances, got pulled out of school to help with childminding once, and got called all names under the sun for not getting a local job in that old pattern.

Admittedly it was becoming unusual then, although there are some still youngsters having to live with that and worse - they call them young carers now. If you speak to working class people of my age and older many have stories of what they wanted to do and had to put aside to work to support their parents and younger siblings. Of course, at the time, work still paid to support families too, as work should do, rather than being seen more as a hobby for middle class people with real livings being made from independent incomes and funds elsewhere and isn’t everyone who can’t do that stupid.

Thank you @Minimalme !!

middle class people with real livings being made from independent incomes and funds elsewhere and isn’t everyone who can’t do that stupid.
Just to clarify in this age of wilful offence-taking, that last was a grumble about the situation and not intended as a statement of my belief. Sorry about the typos too.

My parents worked very hard and struggled to give us a good education. DS and I have been helping them out for so long I don’t even think about it. Only DM is still alive but we pay towards rent and carers, buy clothes, food, books, DVDs not to mention household items. How else would she survive on a basic state pension? They weren’t profligate - DF just never earned enough money to save and what little they had was eaten up when he was first taken ill.

Culturally many people give their parents money regularly. My DM regularly sends money "back home" to her aunts (her mum is dead). I and my siblings give money to my mum.

@NewKidOnTheBlock99 just because you don't do something it doesn't make it weird. It's actually very insensitive of you to suggest so.

Well it does make it weird to someone raised in a very different time and culture. This is the reality of different cultural traditions and cultural change. I suppose she could have used the terms ‘different’ or ‘strange’ instead but I don’t see the point of obsessing and taking offence at precise word choice. The meaning is there, and it is valid.

Generally money should pass downwards. Our dp are wealthy anyway. They had access to decent jobs with good pay, cheaper housing, better pensions etc. Definitely wouldn't be helping the generation above us. Always find that odd on here. DC get any spare money we have.

Thank you @RosaGallica took the words right out of my mouth!

I give my mum money each month and buy her things she needs (sometimes its just something small like her shopping, last year I replaced her sofas for her). She's retired and in poor health. She has no private pension and worked in poorly paid jobs. My sister persuaded my mum to buy a cheaper insurance (nothing malicious, just both a bit clueless) so mum's still paying a mortgage. On top of everything else, the last thing I want is for her to worry about money.

I do it because I love my mum.

My sister can't afford to help mum out in any way. I can.

Another person who has removed the context from my original post to be offended just because. I found that specific scenario weird/strange/different, whatever word you would have preferred me to use. It became apparent on the thread it could be cultural which I respect. I think it’s better to ask questions and start open conversations to learn plus we’re all different, have different customs cultures - it’s perfectly fine to find something else weird/strange/different if it’s not something you’re used to - we can’t all be blessed with knowing everything about everyone and every culture so every single thing in the world is normal to us!

we can’t all be blessed with knowing everything about everyone and every culture so every single thing in the world is normal to us!

Perhaps not - but most people when keen to learn try not to call others' practices 'weird'

I give my parents a small amount each month - and would contribute to larger expenses if needed.

They didn't ask for anything but I am glad to be able to do it. They are a poor working class couple who sacrificed a lot for their children to have a good education. All the children are now in better financial position than my parents.

I would be ashamed if my parents were struggling and I wasn't helping.

@bluegreygreen but that’s just my choice of word… please let me know what word I should have used and I’ll be sure to remove weird from my vocabulary and use whichever one you say it’s ok for me to use! Although, maybe we should do a poll as someone will have a problem with that one as well…

also FYI my post above…

I’ll pay a bit more attention to how I phrase things in future to make sure it’s considerate - I genuinely was just curious on others opinions as it’s really something I’ve never come across!

You don't feel like a failure for accepting that as an adult?

Perhaps not - but most people when keen to learn try not to call others' practices 'weird'

Im fascinated by this derail question tbh. It seems to have become the norm, after a couple of decades of enforced political correctness, that we have to pretend ‘difference’ does not exist. Despite ‘same/ different’ being one of they key concepts we teach in eyfs or before and sen, and rely upon at every stage of existence.

Surely the whole point of ‘diversity’ was to have difference around us rather than have to pretend that everything in the world was or is the same?

There does seem to be a move towards not acknowledging diversity, which I think is sad.

I work in a very multicultural department, and am fascinated by people's different mannerisms, verbal expressions, ways of life.

However, when discussing them, I wouldn't for a second consider calling them 'weird'. I learn a lot.

yanbu op and yes it's weird. The only way I can think this would be appropriate would be if the parents were in poverty and the child was a very high earner. Like I can imagine this with people who came from normal working class families like Wayne Rooney, Kate Winslet, JK Rowling or Cheryl Cole who all went on to huge fame and success despite coming from average families. But they are certainly not the average person and earn much more than the average person.

I recall the actress Sarah Michelle Gellar who played Buffy the Vampire Slayer said the best part of her fame was that she could support her mum who was a single parent and now fame mean her mum no longer had to struggle. Having said that though, I recall kristn Dunst saying her family squandered all her cash from the Spiderman movies...

I really can't think of anybody in my circle that would even have trhe extra cash to help fund parents.

As a PP said - in places where you don’t have state benefits - children supporting parents is a necessity. Banks have not always been readily accessible and even when they were, economic turmoil and inflation would make relying only on savings precarious. So it’s not hard to see why this tradition grew up. I suppose it can seem strange that she does it even when parents are comfortable (and have access to healthcare, pensions, savings).

I guess some people can take it as an indication that the child thinks of their parents or cares about them (like getting someone flowers or a card or taking them out for a meal). It’s a way of saying - thank you for the sacrifices you made to help me when I was growing up - I really appreciate it.

The only way I can think this would be appropriate would be if the parents were in poverty and the child was a very high earner

Can I dd too that I'd imagine this if the parents were not on poverty but middle class and their child was a very high earner on a footballer salary or something.