To think it’s weird to give your parents money

[NewKidOnTheBlock99]

So bit of a random one, but wondering other peoples thoughts…

I follow a money influencer on Instagram who shares her budgets, lifestyle costs etc. She has a full time role, plus freelances plus makes money via her Instagram. I don’t get the impression that she is ‘rolling in it’ as the whole point of the account is that she lives frugally and is quite candid about her finances. Im in a similar industry and would hazard a guess that her full time role is around £45-£65k p.a - she isn’t in london so could be less. Owns her property and lives alone and there’s no partner. She mentioned that her parents gifted her a couple of thousand and has also mentioned that they barely have anything left on their mortgage.

she said that she gives them a couple of hundred pounds a month to say thank you for raising her - now obviously without all the details (she could’ve been a nightmare) I find the idea of paying your parents for raising you SO bizarre….

just keen to hear others thoughts, is this weird when you’re on a pretty normal income?

also this doesn’t affect my life in any way shape or form, and realise there may be some context missing so be kind - just starting a conversation to hear other perspectives as I can’t get my head around it!

I give my parents money because if I didn't, they wouldn't be able to pay their bills. Mum is dad's carer. I'm not rolling in it but I'm not going to see them have their electricity cut off. Thanks for making me feel like a weirdo.

I live in Hong Kong and it’s normal for working adults to give up to around 20% of monthly income to your parents.

My parents used to send money ‘home’ to their family. It was never appreciated or acknowledged. Not sure why they bothered?
My parents wouldn’t dream of taking money off of me and db. I can see it being a cultural thing. They’d rathered have chewed off their own arm than let me give them money.

100% agree with this. I find it sad that anyone judges other people in that way.

@Mammed

My parents are no longer alive but I too wouldn’t have hesitated to give them money if they had needed it. Not because I was grateful for them raising me but because me and siblings loved them. Not that I have lot spare but I wouldn’t want them worrying. I miss them immensely. Life is so short.

I give my parents money if they need it.

Last year my dad & stepmum got a last minute opportunity to go on holiday with my aunt & uncle but they couldn't afford the spending money at such short notice so me & my sister gave them it, they hadn't been on holiday for years & we could afford to do that for them so why wouldn't we?

I've told mum that I'll transfer £275 this month into her bill account to cover the increase in her energy DD until we can get it sorted (she's over £600 in credit & her usage doesn't warrant the increase) because she can't afford it.

For over 40 years they've been there for me whenever I've needed them, supplemented my income at times, made sure my DC never went without, provided free childcare to allow me to go back to work/uni, paid thousands for my wedding, gave me the deposit for my first house, let me move back in when my marriage went tits up, paid the deposit on a rental property, let me move back in with 3 DC after landlord decided to sell up - the list is endless & a few hundred pounds every now & again seems like peanuts in comparison because when all is said & done & they are no longer with us I'll still have been the one who got the better end of the parent/child deal.

If you're on pension credit you shouldn't be paying council tax, maybe worth looking into.

It's cultural, and stems from a place of no pension or government support in many countries.
The wording used is a bit bizarre, but the actual practice is not.

Lots of people help their parents out if and when they are struggling.
’to thank them for raising me’ is probably ‘Influencer drama’ .

Does she use her real name etc? If it makes them identifiable it would be poor (even worse) form to be exposing them as needing help, so she dresses it up like this?

Supporting your parents is the expected and planned for norm in some cultures.

I pay my parents a little each month. White British no cultural expectations, just supporting them as they have supported me.
They both had hard lives growing up, not very academic, low earners. My dad gave up work when my brother was a young teen and a school refuser due to MH issues. When DBro was 16 my dad developed his own health issues and parents had to sell their house to downsize. Then DGMother got cancer so my dad travelled to care for her, then his Dad when he got cancer, then his brother, brother died, both his mum and dad got cancer again and then they died eventually in their 90s. When I became unexpectedly pregnant in an abusive relationship there was no question of me not returning home, we lived there for a year despite there being little space My parents loaned me dads inheritance from the sale of GP house to buy a flat so DD and I were secure, did my childcare for me so that I could work etc. My dad has been out of work for 25+ years has his own MH and physical health issues and is never likely to work again (my mum supports him with her low paying job he won't claim anything), but he goes out everyday and litter picks local beaches and parks getting bags of rubbish everyday, he contributes to society in his own way.

My parents don't see supporting their children as a failure nor do I see supporting my parents in that way. We are a close unit who have maintained a good relationship which many people do not achieve.

So, I wouldn't mention half of this to the people I work with or the fact I send them money but if I did tell people then I'd probably phrase it as a "thank you" but it's far more complicated, you have no idea of the ins and outs of her upbringing or family needs.

I probably wouldn’t believe everything an ‘influencer’ posts on social media

I would be delighted to have enough money to support my parents financially, not because they brought me up but because I love them so much.

I was sixteen when I had my eldest, I raised her with no family support…she’s now a very wealthy and very successful, and I wouldn’t dream of ever taking a penny off her; I’m Mum.

I think it depends on the situation. If you are a high earner and your mum is worrying about paying the gas bill then obviously the right the thing to do would be to help out. We don’t give our parents income monthly (as fortunately they are currently all okay financially) but I have done in the past when it’s been needed. Now, it will be things like meals out that we pay for. I actually find it more shocking when adult children still expect their retired parents to foot the bill on dinner/days out

I've had times in my life when I've had spare cash and so I've given done yo my parents. I have the education, career and personality that i do because of the way they raised me. Why wouldn't I share some of the financial success with the people who helped me get it?

This is a cultural thing. My dh pays all his dm's expenses. ALL of them. Council tax, food, gas & electric, etc etc. He's not English.

I give my dad money every month. He worked hard from the age of 14 to 70, he is still on a very low pension so I pay his water, home insurance, petrol and car tax together with my siblings. The rest he can cover with his pension. I don’t look at him as a failure, he is just one of many who got into lower paid manual work at a young age, and at a time when you could live quite well on a state pension, and he never quite got out if it.

Depends on circumstances she might be only on basic state pension. Who would sit and watch they're parents struggle not being able to have they're heating on when you are in a position to help them out? I would guess she's earning more than you think being able to contribute £2,000 a month. There are some famous people who have bought they're parents homes. Cheryl Coles mum lives with her she came from a poor family. I know it was part of the reason they split. But she wouldn't be where she is today without her mum.

People have already said it - but among Indian families it seems quite normal. I knew a married couple who sent large sums to his parents. The parents used it to buy a flat for their son and daughter-in-law to live in. It meant the parents were in control all the way.

I can definitely see how adult children taking money from their parents can be considered as a failure. Both for how the parents have raised the child and the child’s achievements and independence.

My dad was very very generous financially when we bought our first home. This has been in lieu of any emotional parental support though. I would give him money if he needed it, but I don’t think it will come up as he’s got a successful long-established business that he can be hands off with.

MIL retired the minute she turned 60, despite have little in the way of pension savings 🤦🏼‍♀️ She was perfectly able to work at least another decade, but instead is busy travelling and redecorating. DH has already mentioned us saving to pay for her future care needs. Not bloody happening! We’ve never had any kind of support from her. I can count on 1 hand (with fingers to spare) how many times she’s babysat 😂 I’ll give the world to my children, but I’m not paying for someone who didn’t work long enough to support themselves.

Agree. Years ago when my parents business collapsed due to my fathers serious health issues they struggled a bit. I wasn’t on a big salary but did give them a regular amount of money every month. Over the years when my salary increased I also bought cars for them, white goods etc. I always saw it as when they had money I wanted for nothing growing up. They had worked hard all their life. It was now my turn. I could never have stood back and watched them struggle if I had the means to assist. Fuck all to do with parents failure. More just about what life throws at you.

You could afford to give the extra financial support needed. You also spent quality time with him. While knowing all his care needs were being met. Spending quality time doing fun things with family members gives them something to look forward to. If your caring for them 24/7 you don't really have that quality time. I'm sure anyone in your position would do the same.

Culture thing, my parents don't view daughters are part of their heritage so we are not treated the same as our brothers. My brothers inherited enough to retire at 40 while we work to pay our bills probably until we die! So I am leaving the financial responsibility to my brothers. I still give money as gift, not a lot, definitely not regular basis, they can think what they want but my family need it more than them for sure.

My parents were comfortable when they retired but not enough for a lavish lifestyle.
Their children (3) came together to send them on once in a life time trips/experiences/ michein star restaurants/ hired a villa in tuscany etc every 18 months of so before they died - because we all could contribute in varying degrees. Think trip on the Orient Express, a box at the opera, flights to the US to the grand canyon etc.

It was our way of saying thank you and sharing our success which was in no small part down to them. It was never asked for or expected but the enjoyment we all got out of it has left us all with many very happy memories and a yearning that now they have gone that we did not manage to do more with them