AIBU to not want partner to stop work

[TooTiredToWork]

My DW is a part time teacher and does not enjoy her job. It’s very stressful and she’s working far more hours than she is paid for. She’d love to quit. However she doesn’t have anything else lined up and has had changed career more than once due to stress at work

She would love to stop work altogether and for me to increase my hours to cover the shortfall. Her rationale is that I earn more than her so I wouldn’t have to do as much overtime as she currently works

Now I do enjoy my job and it’s not as stressful or as hard work as hers, but I am a doctor so it’s not without its stresses. I do the occasional extra shift to pay for a special holiday or similar but I don’t really want to commit to this regularly. I feel it would change the whole dynamic of our relationship if she wasn’t working and I was the sole earner. It feels like going back to the 1950s! We have one teenaged child so it’s not like we’d save on childcare or anything

I don’t want her to stay in a job that’s making her unhappy - and of course I can’t make her stay! But equally I want to have some family time and I don’t want to burn out. AIBU to suggest she doesn’t quit without something to go to?

@cultkid

I've never paid someone to look after my kids

Do you think childcare workers parent the kids they are paid to look after? Love them like a parent does? There's literally no difference between a mum and a nanny in your opinion? Or a dad and a nursery worker?

Do working parents have 2 jobs?

I doubt many childcare workers love the kids as if they were their own, but I'm also unconvinced it's going to necessarily make a massive difference how they turn out as an adult.

I've seen kids who had everything thrown at them by really devoted parents but still ended up getting in the wrong crowd at uni and becoming lazy stoners. And other kids who were seriously affected by bullying at school etc.

Not that any of this means you shouldn't try but it's a drop in the ocean compared to the experiences that shape them later in life.

@Galaktoboureko

Oh, yeah, I dont think childcare workers being different to a parent is a negative. Its not. Kids need more than 1 influence in their lives.

But it is different.

Parenting isn't a job. I dont know why some women have to pretend it is.

Its obviously a hugely vital and important role. But thats true regardless of if you work or not.

Not working doesn't change parenting outcomes. As you say.

I do feel like working parents have two jobs tbh. As a working parent you spend a huge amount of time, energy and money arranging to delegate your daytime looking-after-your-kids-job to someone else, so that you can go do your other job.

Being a working parent is tough.

Yeah, it's certainly an interesting dynamic how many women claim it to be equivalent to a full time job yet wouldn't in a million years entertain their husband staying at home.

@Galaktoboureko

Lol, exactly

I have 2 jobs. SAHM and International Mumsnetter..