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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

414 replies

RooksAndRavens · 07/10/2022 07:20

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 07/10/2022 09:51

I do this but my alarm is set to vibrate only and under my pillow, my DH stirs but doesn't wake up, however he is lucky enough to sleep in heartbeat so he's not bothered if he occasionally does wake up.

Your DH needs to change his settings on his alarm, that's the fairest thing to do in this situation.

MrsMorrisey · 07/10/2022 09:51

I'd hate to sleep with my phone under my pillow.
Wouldn't it affect your sleep?

CoastalWave · 07/10/2022 09:54

My husband's alarm goes off at 5.30 am every morning for him to go to work.

I think you need to chill out a bit!

Just go to bed a bit earlier.

Youdoyoutoday · 07/10/2022 09:54

It's on night time mode so no silly notifications coming up through the night.
More importantly, it doesn't disturb DH.

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:55

*Another reason separate bedrooms is such a relationship-saver.

The type of alarm wouldn't matter to me - I'd wake up if someone got into or out of the bed anyway, I'd definitely wake up to the sound of a vibration. And DP is an even lighter sleeper than me. Getting proper sleep is of top importance to both of us, but sometimes one or the other has to set a stupidly early alarm. Separate bedrooms is the only solution*

same, the lack of empathy on this thread is horrible but then it's aibu, the op could be Mother Teresa and still get a roasting and pile on against her.

TheGoodFighter · 07/10/2022 09:58

TLIMSISNW · 07/10/2022 07:26

YABU. If he didn’t get up at that time the. He wouldn’t be able to exercise at all as he’s home with the DC all day. (Unless he could go when you get back from work?) I find that exercise is so important for physical and mental health so am always happy for DH to exercise and likewise, he is happy for me to.

To be honest I get up around 5:30/6am anyway so it’s not an totally unreasonable time to start your day.

How can anyone be so self absorbed?

I get up at stupid oclock, so you should too.

Christ. Unbelievable

Nineeuros · 07/10/2022 09:58

CatchersAndDreams · 07/10/2022 07:55

I'm sure it is annoying. All I can think is thank fuck I'm single and can set my alarm for whatever time I want without anyone grumbling at me if I want to get up early and workout. I don't get up early and work out but it's nice being able tl do so if I wanted.

What a useful and insightful post…

OP I think you’re both being unreasonable. It’s not unreasonable for you to want more sleep and it’s not fair for him to wake you up. It’s not unreasonable for him to want to exercise and it’s unfair for you to expect him not to exercise.

He needs to sleep elsewhere or set a different alarm and work something out that doesn’t wake you up, but it’s still acceptable for him to set an alarm to wake early and exercise. Are you seeking support for your sleep issues?

MrsMorrisey · 07/10/2022 09:58

Youdoyoutoday · 07/10/2022 09:54

It's on night time mode so no silly notifications coming up through the night.
More importantly, it doesn't disturb DH.

Ah ok didn't even notice there was a night time mode.

ParentallyUnprepared · 07/10/2022 10:00

I get up before my husband. I use my Fitbit which vibrates and doesn't disturb anyone else.

Get him one for Christmas if he's on a health kick.

HoppingPavlova · 07/10/2022 10:02

Meh. I had to periodically put my alarm on for stupid o clock for work purposes. It went off, I got up and got ready and left quickly and without noise. Then DS got up and dealt with kids at whatever time he organised the second alarm for. No dramas.

MrsJBaptiste · 07/10/2022 10:03

You're absolutely unreasonable!

My DH gets up at 4.30am every other week but there's nothing I can do about it - he has to get up for work! Likewise, every few days I'll get up at 5.30am to go the gym if I can't fit it in after work.

It's a pain as if I wake up in the night, I struggle to get back to sleep but that's life. Not everyone has a spare room you know!

rwalker · 07/10/2022 10:03

Clymene · 07/10/2022 07:25

Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

No idea where you get that from

needs a different alarm

Jackienory · 07/10/2022 10:06

You sound hard work.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/10/2022 10:06

All those people saying it’s not that early are missing the point - the Op doesn’t need to get up then and has a baby sleeping in the room, so not getting a full night’s sleep.

Also not everyone has the same bodyclock - to me it’s really early - I struggle with my 7.10 alarm tbh. I’m a natural night owl. Perhaps Op is too? Those who thing 5.30 am is fine may be natural larks - some might not like being woken by a partner coming to bed at 11.30 pm (say) whereas others would say “oh that’s not that late, I’m doing my exercises/ Duolingo/ reading/ whatever still at that time”.

Point is, he’s being inconsiderate of your needs in favour of his own. He needs to get an alarm that doesn’t disturb you, or sleep elsewhere on Thursday night.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/10/2022 10:07

I can see both your sides, agree with others that he should be able to get up to do a work out if he wants to but he needs to figure out a better alarm that won't wake you

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/10/2022 10:08

All I can think is thank fuck I'm single and can set my alarm for whatever time I want

I think “thank fuck I’m single and don’t have anyone waking me up at stupid o’clock for their workout”.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/10/2022 10:08

This reply has been deleted

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Youdoyoutoday · 07/10/2022 10:09

MrsMorrisey · 07/10/2022 09:58

Ah ok didn't even notice there was a night time mode.

Show quote history

Mine goes on at 8.30pm so I stop all the pointless scrolling before bed. Plus I can allow emergency calls to come through which is good.

As much as I hate getting up at 5.30am to exercise, it's done by the time the kids are up and I have to be mum for the rest of the day.

But if it disturbed my DH or DD in the cot, then I'd have to rethink it as I'd be pissed off at being woken up 1.5 - 2 hours earlier than needed!!

NotJustAnybody · 07/10/2022 10:10

Waking at 5.30 is not normal or typical, so yes, he is being unreasonable.
He can sleep on the sofa the night before surely? Simple. Sleep is so important and he's being selfish.

focuspocus · 07/10/2022 10:10

It's fine for him to want to get up etc but he should have an alarm that wakes him and not you and then try to get ready quietly.

If not give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it!

I wake earlier and have my alarm silent and my watch vibrates on my wrist which is enough to wake me.

xogossipgirlxo · 07/10/2022 10:11

Is having earplugs an option? My husband's alarm goes off at 5.15AM and I never wake up. Unless it's not an option due to baby in the room...

Hardbackwriter · 07/10/2022 10:12

I definitely think he should try using a vibrating alarm, but just to say that it isn't the foolproof solution some people on the thread have suggested. I tried using one and it just didn't wake me.

Oliverfunyuns · 07/10/2022 10:13

Well, tbh, I would be furious if DH set a stupidly loud alarm, woke me when I needed my sleep, and then didn't have the good grace to apologise profusely and promise to find another way to wake that wouldn't disturb my rest.

Being married and sharing a room means respecting the other person's need for sleep. It's just a matter of respect for your spouse, and a very basic level of respect, at that!

Iknowforsure1 · 07/10/2022 10:15

Of course YANBU
Why the hell are you supposed to lose your sleep to his alarm?
We had this conversation with DH who had to get up for work with a loud alarm, not a workout . Since the conversation he always puts his alarm on vibration. Don’t believe otherwise OP, you deserve some sleep.

MrsMorrisey · 07/10/2022 10:16

youdoyoutoday
Is this on an iPhone? Just checked my settings and just have do not disturb.