DP wants me to sign over 50% of the business or he's out.

[TrickyThings]

Quick backstory:

I moved to the EU to work as an au pair aged 27. I met DP and we pursued a relationship- he was 40 at the time.

Flashforward 1 Yr, we are living in his rental house in derelict part of the countryside. I'm pregnant.
We move during the pregnancy ( I wanted to be in the city , near opportunity). His friend offers cheap flat in very rough estate, I agree. I'm desperate to move.

Hes admittedly 'not worked for 20yrs'. Always relying on state and black money through projects and gigs. I was sick of being broke, so i set up an online business 18months ago.

This is the first full year of the business and it is set to turnover 200k. Now DP wants 50-50 partnership in it (changes status next year to limited company). I have my reservations because:

-we have a volatile relationship
-he has a drug problem
-he has unresolved past bank issues/ fines
-he does black money / illegal parties
-if he doesn't 'feel like' working he won't, (but he has got better)
-we had very traumatic couple years when DS was baby as he would disappear and party with his (20 years younger) mates and be wrecked all weekend.
-he never wanted me to legitimise the business in the first place, he wanted to stay on benefits and I said I didn't want this.

Granted, he's given good pointers to the business and now helps a lot because it makes money. That said the other issues still exist re drugs (disappearing / lying) and still, undeclared income.

Also,

-We aren't married. I bought the house we live in outright earlier this year.
-Every single bill is on my name.

He does
-almost 50 50 childcare
-all the practical house stuff including renovation works since we moved in earlier this year.
-most of paperwork because it's more convient (re language).

I come from a large family with plenty of support emotionally and financially. He comes from the complete opposite thus has nobody to talk to. This also means something regarding the epic power struggle between us.

DS is now 4 and in school. I work full time very hard, DP works when necessary but does other stuff and also has his own side project which is his passion and priority in life.

DP had a relapse this weekend and has been sick and useless all week because of it.

Yeaterday, after advice from a relative, I proposed he become a (well) paid employee he went ballistic. I mean ballistic. AIBU that I don't trust signing over half my business when I don't fully trust him? Very complex , any advice warmly welcomed!!

(For the record i have nothing against state benefits, I just did not want to raise my child on them. )

I don't think this post rings true. For a start your timings don't add up. I don't understand how a person intelligent enough to start up a business in a foreign country with language issues and such a great turnover would still be with someone so toxic. It very much sounds like you are recounting someone else's story but if it is true then you are beyond stupid. You have family support, financial too so pay for your own childcare and ltb.

OP, no matter what you do, please do not sign over even 1% of the business to this man!
Someone helping out with a business is not entitled to 50%! The most they are is an employee!
I do not demand a share of my employer’s profits because I do work there.
This is a solid no from me!

It’s not complex that all. I can’t think of one single reason you would hand over half your hard earned business to this loser. You are making enough money to be able to afford help like childcare etc. Dont waste your time with this guy.

Leave, now - for the sake of your DS (and for yourself obviously!)

The drugs, the volatility, the toxicity, the lying, the lack of trust are all major reasons to get yourself and your DS away and into a stable life.

I'd hate to read a post from you in years to come that says you stayed and signed over 50% of the business and now it (and your life) is in ruins because of him.

Please don't do this to yourself, trust your gut instinct x

18 months ago you were broke.you now have a business with t/ o of 200k and own a house outright..all the while with a young child and druggie of a dp.

Bollocks.

This 👆🏻

Don’t take him on. Don’t give him half. Best to leave and if you won’t, keep everything separate. Document his binges, his behaviour, stay safe, stay sane.

PS Also in the EU, if you employ someone it is more difficult to have them leave, even if there is no work, without a large payout which could wreck your business.

You hold all the cards, and all the winning cards at that. If he was wonderful, you might consider it an act of faith to marry and share your winning hand with him. But sadly he is not wonderful, he’s very unreliable and you really do not want your child to grow up with a drug addict in the household, that is terribly damaging.

Do nothing yet, just make mild noises of “I’ll think about it, there is a lot going on with the business right now.”

Then privately start to ease him out of all responsibility in the business. Employer a translator - Im sure there are loads of mums who would love a little wfh job translating emails, letters and documents, maybe you could ask around at your DC’s school? You could look for one main translator and a back up in case the first one is busy. Maybe your translator would also like a few hours work supporting you in administration. Yes, it will cost you money and yes, you will have some responsibility as an employer BUT it has to be worth it. £200k of turnover is a good amount and worth protecting, and if you are going to become a Ltd company you obviously intend to run the business for a while to come.

Consult a LOCAL business lawyer to check DP can have absolutely no claim over your business - if everything he has done is under the tax radar then he would be foolish to declare an interest make sure there is nothing that you’ve overlooked.

and then kick your DP out and find yourself a mothers help/au pair or some good reliable babysitters.

100% agree.

The post is unbelievable from beginning to the end.

Report if you think it's fake then it will be reviewed.

Do NOT sign anything over to him but do give him some pocket money for an advisor role to calm him down.

Give him half your business????? Hell I wouldn't even be with him. You are a catch OP. Go find someone of your calibre. This dude is a douche

Your first mistake was having a baby with some sort of drug addled hobo. Your second would be to give him your business.

Time to reflect on some terrible choices. Don't make any more.

What they hell does he bring to your life? Don’t sign over half your business and dump him.

Just going to add to the voices of absolutely not dump the waster, move on with your life and meet somebody who is more appropriate for you to spend you and your child’s time with.

Between March 2020 and now my business has made 500 grand profit, not turnover, in the 2 years prior to that it made about £12,000.

If you were clever enough to get your business to that point then you wouldn't also be asking whether you should stay with this made-up waste of space DP. The whole post is Mumsnet catnip.

You’d be surprised how many highly intelligent CEOs CIOs financial directors I meet who are married to absolute fuckwits. Men and women have appalling taste in life partners at times.

OMG NO NO NO NO NO. That is yours and your childs safety net. I would also worry given the nature you have explained that if he has your supplier and customer contacts and break up he would be contacting them with all sorts of lies. Under NO circumstances would I let this oxygen thief anywhere near your business (and life personally)

Fuck no.
Look after you and your child.

I have reported it.

Ltb

Good for you. But the reason why a few of us are questioning the OP initial post is not about her business profit. Her partner had never worked in a legal job, does what he wants, is a drug addict, and she's asking if she is unreasonable for not transferring 50% of her business to him because he wants the money.

The whole thing sounds preposterous.

I