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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants me to sign over 50% of the business or he's out.

176 replies

TrickyThings · 07/10/2022 06:45

Quick backstory:

I moved to the EU to work as an au pair aged 27. I met DP and we pursued a relationship- he was 40 at the time.

Flashforward 1 Yr, we are living in his rental house in derelict part of the countryside. I'm pregnant.
We move during the pregnancy ( I wanted to be in the city , near opportunity). His friend offers cheap flat in very rough estate, I agree. I'm desperate to move.

Hes admittedly 'not worked for 20yrs'. Always relying on state and black money through projects and gigs. I was sick of being broke, so i set up an online business 18months ago.

This is the first full year of the business and it is set to turnover 200k. Now DP wants 50-50 partnership in it (changes status next year to limited company). I have my reservations because:

-we have a volatile relationship
-he has a drug problem
-he has unresolved past bank issues/ fines
-he does black money / illegal parties
-if he doesn't 'feel like' working he won't, (but he has got better)
-we had very traumatic couple years when DS was baby as he would disappear and party with his (20 years younger) mates and be wrecked all weekend.
-he never wanted me to legitimise the business in the first place, he wanted to stay on benefits and I said I didn't want this.

Granted, he's given good pointers to the business and now helps a lot because it makes money. That said the other issues still exist re drugs (disappearing / lying) and still, undeclared income.

Also,

-We aren't married. I bought the house we live in outright earlier this year.
-Every single bill is on my name.

He does
-almost 50 50 childcare
-all the practical house stuff including renovation works since we moved in earlier this year.
-most of paperwork because it's more convient (re language).

I come from a large family with plenty of support emotionally and financially. He comes from the complete opposite thus has nobody to talk to. This also means something regarding the epic power struggle between us.

DS is now 4 and in school. I work full time very hard, DP works when necessary but does other stuff and also has his own side project which is his passion and priority in life.

DP had a relapse this weekend and has been sick and useless all week because of it.

Yeaterday, after advice from a relative, I proposed he become a (well) paid employee he went ballistic. I mean ballistic. AIBU that I don't trust signing over half my business when I don't fully trust him? Very complex , any advice warmly welcomed!!

(For the record i have nothing against state benefits, I just did not want to raise my child on them. )

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 07/10/2022 07:24

You are a successful business woman so why are you even asking this ridiculous question. He sounds like a complete waste of space. Get rid of this cocklodging fool.
Any money he gets from you he will spend on drugs. What use is he other than a sperm donor. Give him nothing.

Bywayofanupdate · 07/10/2022 07:25

I"d be sending him on his way...

Untitledsquatboulder · 07/10/2022 07:25

You're an idiot and your partner is a drug addict. Your poor kids. Sad

Bootsandcat · 07/10/2022 07:25

Wow he sounds absolutely awful. Get rid of him whilst the kids are young, you don’t want your kids to grow up around drugs and druggies and have a father who dabbles in illegal activities. Move back to your family.

Alondra · 07/10/2022 07:25

Let me see if I get this right...

He was 40 y.o and had not worked for 20 years when you met.

He still works for black money when he wants and will disappear with his mates when he wants.

You moved in with him in a derelict house, set up a business and the business is now doing so well it will have a turnover of $200,000 next year.

He's a drug addict

He has financial issues and fines.

If you are asking an internet board if you are unreasonable for saying NO to his demand of transferring 50% of your business to him, you have a serious problem. And the problem is not him. It's you. Good fucking grief.

I sincerely hope this post is a fake.

....

ShandaLear · 07/10/2022 07:27

Run
You ==================>>>> The hills

KosherDill · 07/10/2022 07:27

For your child's sake, get rid of this waster.

Lalliella · 07/10/2022 07:27

Druggies will do anything to get money for drugs. Your business will be gone if you sign over half to him. Do not under any circumstances do this.

Shlomping1234 · 07/10/2022 07:27

This piece of crap is going to ruin you and your business, don't do it! Get rid!

CookieDoughKid · 07/10/2022 07:27

You need a lawyer to draw up protection of your assets and an exit plan if you decide to use it. A few hundred euros on legal fees is a very SOUND investment

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 07/10/2022 07:27

Fuck that! Move, get an accountant, an employee and childcare in place now.

In face, get him off that paperwork now. Today. Change your passwords and make exit plans.

Bestcatmum · 07/10/2022 07:28

You owe him NOTHING. He has not paid rent bills or anything the whole time you have been with him. His freebie must now come to an end.
For Gods sake never marry him.
You need to toughen up considerably or you will lose everything.

Blueblell · 07/10/2022 07:28

Please don’t do that! Employ and pay him legitimately on a generous salary but don’t make him a partner. With what you have said he will probably ruin your business.

ChaToilLeam · 07/10/2022 07:28

Ditch this vile, mooching loser from every part of your life.

AmbridgeGirl · 07/10/2022 07:29

You need to leave this parasite. Your business will not exist in five years time if you hand half of it over to a work-shy addict. Also congratulations on your business, that's a massive achievement in less than ideal circumstances.

WonkasBooboofixer · 07/10/2022 07:29

DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN HALF YOUR BUSINESS HE WILL RUIN YOU. I would be showing him the door for the drugs if for nothing else. All the things you list as positives you can pay people to do for you.

daisychain01 · 07/10/2022 07:30

I'd love to know how a business magically turns over £200K in the first year of trading during the current economic climate.

NicolaSixSix · 07/10/2022 07:31

also echo what other posters have said - model something positive to your son and leave.
people in their mid-40s disappearing for a with people half their age to do drugs all weekend are unlikely to change.
as you have a volatile relationship and he is a volatile person (drugs, going ballistic on you) think of your safety first. You don’t know what might happen when he realises you’re leaving him, he may turn violent.

Cantstandbullshit · 07/10/2022 07:31

Surely this is another troll post.

DeanStockwelll · 07/10/2022 07:32

There is not a hope in hell that I would hand over 50% of my own business to a drug taking man who thinks he can still run with 20 yr olds.

I would have to think very long and hard about handing over that much to a completely solvent , reliable , hard working person.

I agree with pp, I would get out of the relationship now but I know that's not always easy so instead either carry on as you are or give him a very small % ( no more than 5 ) and tell him to invest / work on it and come back in a month and tell you what he has done with it , profit/ loss / investment etc

picklemewalnuts · 07/10/2022 07:32

Very complex? It really isn't.

Pay him off, if you can afford to. The going rate for what he's contributed, as though he had been an employee.

Don't rush though- let him leave and demonstrate he's not a reliable coparent, that will help with your contact negotiations. You need to demonstrate you are the main parent. It would be hugely irresponsible to let your daughter have prolonged contact with this feckless, unreliable, abusive man.

Wallywobbles · 07/10/2022 07:33

Which country are you in? You need legal advice. But you also won't be able to leave the country with your kids.

If you are in France I know a lot if you are elsewhere I don't. European law is pretty variable.

Limer · 07/10/2022 07:34

So he's threatening to leave you if you don't give him half of your business?

That's a result. Help him pack and wave him goodbye.

AgentJohnson · 07/10/2022 07:34

Why are you still with him?

FortunesFavour · 07/10/2022 07:34

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SIGN OVER ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS TO THIS IDIOT!!!

Sorry for shouting, but I feel strongly!!